38 weeks crazy

I love being a mom. It is one of the greatest blessings that God has given me. None the less days like today are hard. I'm 38 weeks pregnant, fighting off a cold along with my two littles and working on little sleep. Everyone keeps asking me how I feel. Honestly, like a big bag of beat up hormones, toting an extra 50 around (don't judge me, I crave peanut butter okay!). After picking up Elijah from school I had to go to Target. Nothing inside me wanted to but our pantry looked like a ghost town and I had to get more medicine for the littles so it was necessary. Of course we enter to the strategically placed "dollar spot" which automatically activates the "wanters" in all of my kids. From then on its a barrage of questions. "Can we get a toy?" "Please can we get this ninja turtle movie?! We don't have this one!" "Can we get these infinity characters?! They are new!" " Can we get these fruit bars? They are healthy because they have a picture of a strawberry on them!" Etc. I don't like telling my kids no. I would love to say yes to everything but the only problem with that is we have limited funds and that would create ridiculous monsters. 

The fact is we say yes a lot, much more than we say to ourselves. I try to explain that my 'no' to whatever they are asking for is really a 'yes' to their heart and what is best for them. Hopefully, if we say this enough they will start to actually believe it. At this point they just continue to want. 

We made our way around the store and by this point I had one laid out in the middle of the isle like a dead person talking about how exhausted she was, another was in the buggy and the other was continuing to pull items from shelves bringing them before me for approval. Finally, after the 100th time of me having to say "not today", I heard a "you always say no". Okay. This incites my flesh so quickly. I'm thinking "Seriously kid?! You have no idea the sacrifices your daddy and I make for yall! Not to mention the two blue ray movies yall just got for Valentine's Day! Seriously?!" Thankfully I didn't vomit all this onto them right there. I did however tell them that shows mom that they don't appreciate the things that they have or the sacrifices mom and dad make for them... As well as "I'm about to beat every one of my kids right here in the middle of target, yall better pray to Jesus because it's about to go down, Lord Jesus help me!" 

God heard our prayers and we made it out $120 poorer, no injuries and no toys. As we pulled in the driveway I had never been more happy to see Luke standing in the driveway. I helped unload groceries and then went to shut myself in my bathroom and rant to the Lord. 

I am so thankful that I can come just as I am. Empty with no patience, no physical strength, completely wrung out and He's there. As I prayed confessing how frustrated I am that I feel like as a mom I completely pour myself out in service only to recieve complaints and more wants, like they are never content or satisfied with what they have. They don't see the blessings they already have, they just are looking at what's the next thing they want. As this is coming out of my mouth, I see myself in my kids. I see how often I have missed contentment in a circumstance in seeking the "what's next". My heart is grieved by that. I want this mouth to always give thanks no matter what the circumstance and not only be thankful, but be content. You can be thankful but not completely content. For example, I am super thankful to be carrying this sweet baby in my womb, but I'm fighting to be content and not trying to rush to his birthday because I feel like a 40lb sausage packed in a 20lb casing. 

As I began to open my mouth and give thanks for all of the blessings he's given me, even the hard days, I felt my heart break free. It's because his word is true. 1 Thesselonians 5:18 says "give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." That is our weapon for discontentment. That's our weapon for frustration and exhaustion. Let our mouths continually give thanks in all circumstances. When our kids are going bananas, when people talk behind our backs, when loved ones disappoint us. Give thanks, because no matter what the circumstance, if He's allowed it in our path He's using it for our good. He's a good Father and we can know with confidence that even his 'no' is really 'yes' to what is best. 

So the next time you are tempted to fall into the pit of self-pity and frustration. Open your mouth and give thanks! He's faithful to deliver!