Throughout this pregnancy I had specific things that I prayed for every day. I prayed that Ezra would be perfectly healthy and strong (with no colic, acid reflux or gas problems, been there done that). That he would have a heart of peace and a heart that burned with passion for the Lord. I prayed that he would be head down and face down with no cord issues or complications of any kind. That I could deliver vaginally and without any medication. That I would recover quickly and would not rip or tear (a little TMI, I know, but it's what I prayed!). I also prayed that I would go into labor naturally and that through the natural birth experience God would receive glory. Always ending with "Not my will but yours be done". My prayers were not in such a list form but more of a daily outpouring of my heart's desire in complete submission to His will. So here is how things went...
First of all, Elijah and Halle's deliveries were both induced and both with epidurals. So let me begin by saying I'm not a hard core natural birth hippie who looks down on others if they don't choose this route. My personal belief is that it is a personal decision and no one should look down or judge someone for something so silly. When I became pregnant with Ezra, I started to have the desire to go the natural route. So I began to pray about it and asked the Lord if he willed, to give me the strength and ability to experience it. I am very analytical by nature, but especially of my own feelings and desires. I asked myself "why?". Why do I want to do this? I had many reasons why and some I shared with others as they looked at me like I had 4 heads and some I didn't but I will lay them all out now. When I had my other two epidurals, I was unaware that the medicine crossed the placenta and went to the baby. Granted this is safe, obviously, but now knowing this, I had a hard time with it. This is coming from a woman who has to lose a limb before I take a Tylenol or anything that is considered safe during pregnancy. That's just how I am. I don't like taking medicine and I don't like not being in control of my body. I also hate being poked on and hooked up like a power strip. Another reason is I was very aware that this could be my last pregnancy and after talking to other women who did it naturally, I wanted to really experience the whole thing. When I would share with others that I may do it natural, some would tell me how crazy I am, how they didn't think I could do it and made other comments like that. Although I may not be a sensitive person when it comes to other people's opinions, I am an extremely passionate person about my belief that I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength. I knew with all of me that if He placed that desire in my heart then He would give me everything I needed to do it. So in my mind I would always say "Hide and watch!". I had to be very careful though, that my desire was not to prove myself, but for God to prove Himself through me. When God knitted me together, he placed something deep within me that loves a challenge. He has given me one life and at that end I don't want it to be said of me "She always took the easy way out". As I said before, this is not for Melissa's glory but for His namesake. His power is put on display when I am faced with challenges that He gives me the courage and strength to not back down from. I know this may seem totally crazy but as I said before it is a personal conviction. Lastly, I have always heard that childbirth is one of the most painful things women can experience. My other two deliveries were cake walks. I wanted to experience that pain and then at the end, have a deeper understanding and appreciation of what kind of pain my Jesus endured for me. Because compared to what He experienced, natural childbirth is nothing. (Now for the disclaimer: I do not condone people hurting themselves intentionally in search for love and appreciation for the cross that's something only God can give. It's a unique situation and a thought I had lol)
As I said previously, one of my prayers was that I would go into labor naturally. One of the reasons for this is in case you don't know, when you get induced with pitocin you are pretty much guaranteed to get an epidural. The reason is that the contractions are so much more intense, one can hardly stand it. For this reason, I had said the whole time that if I had to be induced I would most probably be getting an epidural. Well the days rolled on and still no baby. I would sit every afternoon in my rocker begging God to please just let me go into labor. I had contractions for three weeks that were not making any progress to my cervix. I was beginning to have thoughts that maybe it wasn't the Lord's will for me to have this experience, but I knew whatever the outcome I trusted Him and trusted that He had a reason. So my due date came and went and still no baby. I was huge, moody and trying my best to be patient and trust the Lord. Finally, after praying Luke and I decided that if I had not gone into labor on my own by Tuesday August 7, then that's the day I would go in to be induced. We both felt that this was the right decision. I went to the doctor that Monday and my cervix was dilated to a 3 and I was about 50% effaced. That was great news to us because before that I was stuck at a 1cm and no effacement. We praised the Lord for that news!
We spent Monday night with Granny and Papaw before we headed to the hospital at 5:00 am the next morning. I did not get much sleep from excitement. The last thing I remember before I took my 'nap' that night was talking to the Lord and reflecting over the past 10 months of this pregnancy. How throughout all of the different situations that came up He kept my mind in perfect peace. Isaiah 26:3 says "You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. This scripture carried me through all the unusual findings on the ultrasounds and all of the what ifs that ran through my head. God is good, God is faithful and I am His.
August 7, 2012 we arrive at the hospital. The whole ride there I tried to decipher through thoughts, nerves and excitement. "How is this thing going to go down? " "Lord, please let my body respond and do what it is suppose to." Just a few of the things racing through my head. Altogether I had an overwhelming feeling of uncertainty. I am such a planner and enjoy knowing what to "expect" but I totally had no idea. I assumed I would be getting an epidural but there was still an ounce of hope that I wouldn't have to.
After two hours of paperwork and questions I get all hooked up and my pitocin starts at 7:00 am. Here we go. It's go time. Shortly after Dr. Tynes comes in and breaks my water. She informs me that the reason I would not go into labor on my own is because there was so much amniotic fluid. As she broke my water she had to guide his head down into my pelvis. Praise the Lord for that unanswered prayer otherwise Mr. Wiggle worm could very possibly flipped and been breech!
A little time passes and I can feel my contractions begin to strengthen. My nurse Janice comes in and we begin talking. I told her that I originally wanted to go all natural but since I am having to be induced I assumed I would be getting an epidural. She encourages me and tells me that I can just take it one contraction at a time and see how it goes. No pressure either way. I looked over at Luke and I said "sounds good" and from that moment on that's just what we did. My birth plan became "no plan" and I was just gonna roll with it. She then increased my pitocin a little in order to get my contractions closer together.
About an hour later, my contractions are hurting pretty good, but I am breathing and humming through them. Janice checks me and I am 6 cm dilated and 75% effaced. I was making excellent progress (glory to God!). Luke asks her "At this point in labor, how are most women responding to the pain of contractions?" She said that at this stage most women are 'very ready' for an epidural and that I was doing wonderful to be at this stage. (This is the moment he says that he knew I was going to do it) He looks at me and says "Babe, you got this. If anyone can it's you." I said "I think you may think I'm stronger than I actually am lol.." He said "No, I know you, it's your decision but I know the strength the Lord has given you and there is no doubt you can do this." I said we will just see, I'm taking it one step at a time.
The contractions became pretty painful. My precious husband placed his hand on my knee with every contraction and would breathe with me. At one point he started humming and I barely opened my eyes and told him to stop it because he was making me laugh. Regardless of how much I'm hurting that man can always make me laugh! He is too much! I could sense every bit of his excitement and anticipation but also the calmness and steadiness he had. It brought me so much comfort and peace. Another thing I would ask the Lord is if he did allow me to birth naturally, that it would bless our marriage. That it would be an amazing experience for Luke and I and something that would bring us even closer to one another and closer to the Him. With every second and every contraction, I could feel the Lord answering that prayer. As I felt the comforting hand of my sweet husband and heard the encouraging words that he would whisper to me, as he read me my scripture note cards to help keep my mind stayed on the Lord, I knew the Lord was blessing us tremendously. This is when I knew that everything I had asked, He was making a way like only He can. When we let go of our plans and just trust him with each second.
Janice comes in around 10:20 and checks me. I am now 8 cm and 80% effaced. She calls another nurse in to start prepping the room. I asked her if I was about to start pushing and she said no, she's just gonna bring in all the supplies. My dad then walks in and starts talking to us, all of the sudden I get this major pain and start moaning. I look at Janice and say "I feel like I need to poop!" She comes and checks me and says "No, you're about to have a baby!" She quickly calls Dr. Tynes and tells me to just breathe. That room went from calm to crazy in one second. Beds start breaking down, sheets start flying, stuff is beeping and I'm just saying "I need to push!" over and over. Dr. Tynes comes flying in, throws on her gown and I start pushing. Luke is holding one knee and I'm holding the other. My mind is thinking "Oh my goodness, this is happening!" I push out his head, and then proceed to say "Oh my goodness that hurt!" One more big push and my little boy is laying on my chest. I am just absolutely overwhelmed. Luke just keeps saying "You did it! He's here! " and "I cant believe that just happened!" Tears are flowing. Dr. Tynes says "No rips or tears!" I raise my hand to the sky and say "Glory to God!" "He has answered all my prayers!" and in that moment I just stop and say to everyone in the room just what all I had asked and what all God had given and I gave Him all thanks! Ezra Daniel Richardson was born August 7, 2012 at 10:45 am 7lbs 4 oz 20 inches long :)
After the birth, I was a little sore but not enough to need any Motrin or pain meds. I have felt great and am feeling better every day. Thank you Lord.
I am so thankful that the Lord has seen it fit to bless Luke and I with yet another little soul to love and shepherd. I'm so thankful for Him allowing me to see His face that day and each time I stare into the face of my husband and children. I'm thankful to experience yet another spiritual marker that taught me so much and built my faith even more. With each turn of this life, the Lord continues to blow me away. My heart longs to know Him more, to be more like Him, to love Him more, and to be used to bring Him glory. Whether it be through pain or joy. Lord, blessed be your name. To you, Oh Lord, be all glory, honor and praise.
"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you." Isaiah 26:3
