2 reminders in the tears of the passing years: off to kindergarten!

Today I sent my second child and only girl off to kindergarten. Today marked the beginning of a new season in her little life and as well as her mama's. Hallelujah Noelle has been such a joy to me. I remember the day I was looking out the window of my bedroom talking to the Father. I asked him, if He saw fit, to please bless me with a little girl. I couldnt have asked or dreamed for one as precious as my Halle girl. 

I love being a mom. Growing up, everyone had their dreams, this was mine. I wanted to be a mom. I have loved every second of it. Even the hard, frustrating and exhausting parts. I think that's why it is hard for me to come to terms with the fact that it is going by so fast. I just know that I am going to blink and just like that they will be gone. But that's the whole point right? To love them, disciple them in Jesus and then send them out. I guess I just didn't anticipate it going so fast. I know that before I know it, my living room won't be filled with blocks and trucks and massive baby gear.

 It will be clean and quiet and I will have my time, thoughts and hopefully sanity back. I guess that should make me happy right? But instead it makes me so incredibly sad/happy, we will just call it sappy- perfect. Sad for it to be over, happy to watch them follow the path the Lord has laid out for them. 

Needless to say, beginning this new chapter has caused my heart to reflect on a few things. First thing is my kids are not my world. They are not what I worship. I love them. I fight for them. I enjoy them. But I do not worship them. Our culture is more kid-obsessed than ever before. So much to the point that if you choose not to play a gazillion sports by the time they are eating solids or spend a gazillion dollars on birthday parties that are "pin worthy" then your parenting is deemed all but stellar. Our culture worships kids. If we place our sole identity as being a parent, if we place our children on the throne of our hearts then what happens when our kids leave the nest? What happens when they fail us? What happens when they battle a life threatening illness or are taken suddenly? To place our children on the throne of our hearts is idolatry. That throne is reserved for the only one who upholds all things. He is never changing and steadfast. He has promised to never leave us or forsake us. He alone satisfies our hearts and is our only source of true joy. Everything else is a shadow- He alone is the substance. So as I send my kids off one by one, I will give thanks for the precious years given and I will hold steadfast to the hope of eternity with the one who holds my heart. 

The second thing that I have been reminded of is the beauty in the day to day. Every minute counts. I want to make the most of every opportunity in pointing them to Jesus. I only have a few years. Those moments when I am tempted to believe that there is no point or no end to the constant laundry, messes, refereeing and discipline, I have to remember, there will be an end to these things and it's not what I'm doing that matters it's the "how", in how I do them. I must do all these things giving thanks to God for his glory. The days of toys, peed in bedsheets, fishing Barbie shoes out of the potty with diarrhea in it (yes..that was last Sunday) will be gone. What legacy will I leave? It's the "how" I love in the mundane that leaves a lasting footprint on this next generation of world changers. To show grace and patience in the small things speaks more to their hearts than planning big parties or buying more toys. To take the time to discipline in love speaks more loudly than raising our voices in anger. Oh Lord, please empower me by your spirit to walk in a manner worthy of this calling! He is a good good Father! Abide in Him dear ones! This mom stuff is tough business, but it is a beautiful calling! ❤️

38 weeks crazy

I love being a mom. It is one of the greatest blessings that God has given me. None the less days like today are hard. I'm 38 weeks pregnant, fighting off a cold along with my two littles and working on little sleep. Everyone keeps asking me how I feel. Honestly, like a big bag of beat up hormones, toting an extra 50 around (don't judge me, I crave peanut butter okay!). After picking up Elijah from school I had to go to Target. Nothing inside me wanted to but our pantry looked like a ghost town and I had to get more medicine for the littles so it was necessary. Of course we enter to the strategically placed "dollar spot" which automatically activates the "wanters" in all of my kids. From then on its a barrage of questions. "Can we get a toy?" "Please can we get this ninja turtle movie?! We don't have this one!" "Can we get these infinity characters?! They are new!" " Can we get these fruit bars? They are healthy because they have a picture of a strawberry on them!" Etc. I don't like telling my kids no. I would love to say yes to everything but the only problem with that is we have limited funds and that would create ridiculous monsters. 

The fact is we say yes a lot, much more than we say to ourselves. I try to explain that my 'no' to whatever they are asking for is really a 'yes' to their heart and what is best for them. Hopefully, if we say this enough they will start to actually believe it. At this point they just continue to want. 

We made our way around the store and by this point I had one laid out in the middle of the isle like a dead person talking about how exhausted she was, another was in the buggy and the other was continuing to pull items from shelves bringing them before me for approval. Finally, after the 100th time of me having to say "not today", I heard a "you always say no". Okay. This incites my flesh so quickly. I'm thinking "Seriously kid?! You have no idea the sacrifices your daddy and I make for yall! Not to mention the two blue ray movies yall just got for Valentine's Day! Seriously?!" Thankfully I didn't vomit all this onto them right there. I did however tell them that shows mom that they don't appreciate the things that they have or the sacrifices mom and dad make for them... As well as "I'm about to beat every one of my kids right here in the middle of target, yall better pray to Jesus because it's about to go down, Lord Jesus help me!" 

God heard our prayers and we made it out $120 poorer, no injuries and no toys. As we pulled in the driveway I had never been more happy to see Luke standing in the driveway. I helped unload groceries and then went to shut myself in my bathroom and rant to the Lord. 

I am so thankful that I can come just as I am. Empty with no patience, no physical strength, completely wrung out and He's there. As I prayed confessing how frustrated I am that I feel like as a mom I completely pour myself out in service only to recieve complaints and more wants, like they are never content or satisfied with what they have. They don't see the blessings they already have, they just are looking at what's the next thing they want. As this is coming out of my mouth, I see myself in my kids. I see how often I have missed contentment in a circumstance in seeking the "what's next". My heart is grieved by that. I want this mouth to always give thanks no matter what the circumstance and not only be thankful, but be content. You can be thankful but not completely content. For example, I am super thankful to be carrying this sweet baby in my womb, but I'm fighting to be content and not trying to rush to his birthday because I feel like a 40lb sausage packed in a 20lb casing. 

As I began to open my mouth and give thanks for all of the blessings he's given me, even the hard days, I felt my heart break free. It's because his word is true. 1 Thesselonians 5:18 says "give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." That is our weapon for discontentment. That's our weapon for frustration and exhaustion. Let our mouths continually give thanks in all circumstances. When our kids are going bananas, when people talk behind our backs, when loved ones disappoint us. Give thanks, because no matter what the circumstance, if He's allowed it in our path He's using it for our good. He's a good Father and we can know with confidence that even his 'no' is really 'yes' to what is best. 

So the next time you are tempted to fall into the pit of self-pity and frustration. Open your mouth and give thanks! He's faithful to deliver!