"Going on from there, he saw two other brothers, James son of Zebedee and his brother John. They were in a boat with their father Zebedee, preparing their nets. Jesus called to them, and immediately they left the boat and their father and followed him." Matthew 4:21-22
One would assume that day to be a lot like every other, Daddy Zebedee training his two sons in the family business. In walks Jesus and with just a few words and Zebedee's two sons are gone. I can only imagine what Zebedee's reaction must have been. Did he ask his sons "Where in the world are you going?!" "I am your Father! How can you just leave me?!" I wonder if he went home and told his wife, "Hunny, John and James have lost it". I wonder what her reaction was? Scripture doesn't tell us. Honestly, I have read this passage many, many times and I have often said to myself "Wow, I wonder if I would have turned my back on everything I had ever known.. all the plans that were laid before me and answered that call." Just recently that question was answered for me. Yes. Not because of my holiness but only because He is Jesus and at the sound of Him calling my name He had my heart.
As God reveals to me more and more His precious truths, the more I see so many things that I held dear, so many things that I longed for are not at all what I should treasure. Family. Everyone has a story, everyone has their issues. I will spare the details and just say that this very strong willed little girl grew up proclaiming "One day I will have a home of peace! I will never abandon or turn my back on my children! I will raise them in a godly home!" Well here I am. I am blessed beyond measure with a husband who loves Jesus and is on mission and two precious souls I have the opportunity to love and raise up in Christ. Somewhere along the way, my desire to do things differently became an idol that I put in place of where my desire to do ALL things for God's glory should be. I wanted to be the perfect mother and wife. Not for others, but because I wanted to give my children something better. Or maybe I should say, I never wanted them to experience the hurt and lonliness that I felt growing up. Although, you would think these are good motives with good intentions, still they are not done for the glory of God. Being convicted, I fell on my face in repentance. I fell a woman in chains of perfection and rose a woman of freedom in Christ. Since then I have been free to love my family like Jesus. Before I was always critiquing every word or action and because I am broken flesh that left me with a lot of frustration and disappointment. I ask God every morning to help me love my children the way He loves them. I pray that their little eyes would see His love shining through me. His love through patience with their catastrophes. His love through disciplining disobedience. His love through comforting a broken heart or a boo boo. His love through patience with people who don't know how to drive. His love through putting my plans on hold to help others. This is my heart's desire. I know that I am but dust and I will fall but by the power of the Holy Spirit I have everything living on the inside of me for all Godliness! Praise Jesus! Oh Lord I pray I never again get in the way!
Now, when Elijah, Halle or any other children God blesses us with comes to us when they are older and says, "Dad, Mom God has called me to move to Africa to share Jesus." I will remember ole' Zebedee and remind myself that they aren't mine and it's not about me. And of course say "When do we leave?" lol.
