It's no secret that Luke and I have had a strong conviction to make this Christmas totally different than any other Christmas in our past. This conviction came from a place of year after year going through all of the "excitement" of the season only to be left empty. I have heard so many say that they get depressed after the holidays are over. While all of the presents, food, family and games are all fun and great they are gone so quickly and you are left with a bunch of empty boxes and an extra 5 lbs. I know that there is so much more. My heart knows there is so much more and I am deeply convicted that I have made the celebration of the greatest gift mankind has ever received into something about me. So we have began a journey, our little family is going to seek solitude in the midst of chaos. What we want for Christmas is Jesus. Nothing more, nothing less. Because we know He is all that satisfies. We are unsure how this is going to look in years to come, but we know we want to give our children a piece of treasure that they can pass down to their children.. the real heart of Christmas. As this world changes, Christmas in America has nothing to do with Christ. If you don't believe me turn on your television. There is less and less "grey area". Believers are going to have to start taking a stand otherwise, generations to come will have to research Christmas to ever know it had anything to do with Jesus.
This step of faith we have taken has endured much persecution and for that we rejoice. Jesus has my heart and with that all my devotion. Because of a tiny baby that came to this world to grow, minister, die and then overcome, I am fully accepted by the Father. Understanding that I am fully accepted by my Father changes the response of my heart when I am rejected by man. That precious gift is the one I am most thankful for. He is my treasure and my prayer is that He would be yours also. Nothing else satisfies.
Merry Christmas!
Friday, December 16, 2011
Monday, September 12, 2011
where is your heart?
With all that God has been doing in our life lately, it comes as no surprise that Satan has put his attacks in over-drive. It would be very easy for me to start doubting and wondering if this is really what God is calling us to do. But I know my Father's voice and I know that this is His doing. I will rest in that. God knows we are made from dust. In the midst of the enemy's fit throwing, He is so gracious to continuously give us encouragement through confirmation. It's like a huge storm of doubts and questions roll in and He parts the clouds for a moment to shine his radiant smile into my heart and in an instant I feel Him saying "press on my sweet child and believe".
These past few days have been so busy and I have failed to find my special time to sit with Jesus. I pray in the morning and throughout the day but I schedule out a specific time with just He and I. In this time my heart is laid open bare and He speaks. Without this time, no one on the planet would want to be around me (no, really). This is my time of peace and restoration. So after a couple of days of not having this time, I couldn't get there quick enough today! I fell to my face and just told Him my heart and asked Him to show me His. He is such a wonderful and gracious God. I know that the only reason I desire so much to know His heart is because He put that desire there.
I then opened His Word and began to read. I turned to John chapter 7 about Jesus going to the Feast of Tabernacles. Overall, what stood out to me was the judgements and reactions that Jesus faced. We who have grown up in church know the stories of how Jesus was persecuted. Some believed He was the Christ, some a prophet and some thought He was demon-possessed. Although I have known this, there was a freshness that God gave me today. Jesus first of all did ONLY what the Father told Him to do. He spoke on God's behalf and for the glory of God not for himself. When He did this there were so many mixed reactions. I have been so guilty in the past of letting the judgments of others effect my view of myself and my decisions. Thank you Jesus that I have become much stronger in that area.
Another thing that stood out is His response to their accusations. I am "blessed" to be often put in conversations that are extremely frustrating. Those that breed frustration by pride and arrogance. The inability to actually listen because they are too worried about being "right" and making sure they feel superior. I am not at all threatened by this because I know my position as a child of God. But boy do I ever hate to be misunderstood! I have an ever-present urgency to try to make everyone understand my heart instead of just resting in who I am in Christ and letting Him make His love visible. I have a tendency to get frustrated in the conversations and act on emotions. I desire so much to respond like Jesus. He knew who He was and He knew not everyone was going to believe, but He loved them anyways. He called some a brood of vipers (yikes). He spoke truth with no apologies but He loved. I so desire to achieve this balance.
The bottom line is He knew what He came for. He did the will of the Father and did it perfectly. He knows that it hurts me when people misunderstand me and insult me but He told me to rejoice! All I need to do is keep my eyes on Him and remain in the Spirit.
I started thinking about the time of Jesus on this earth. Some loved him, some hated him, some believed in him, some tried to kill him but through it all He did the will of the Father. In the "Bible-belt" we have the tendency to grow up thinking that we can be like Jesus and still have everyone speak highly of you and life will be just grand. The truth is His word says the opposite. Luke 6:26 says "Woe to you when all men speak well of you, for their fathers used to treat the false prophets in the same way.". Jesus was persecuted and you think you can live like Him and not endure that? If you believe that then you and I are not reading the same Bible. The truth is the gospel is offensive to the flesh. It is a light that exposes the darkness of this world. The more you look like Jesus the more this world is going to hate you. If you are living a comfortable little "Christian" life with no persecutions of any kind, I encourage you to evaluate your heart. Have you really given Him everything? Are you willing to go and do whatever the Father asks? What do you love more your comfort or Jesus? I say this not only to you but to me also!
His servant,
Melissa
These past few days have been so busy and I have failed to find my special time to sit with Jesus. I pray in the morning and throughout the day but I schedule out a specific time with just He and I. In this time my heart is laid open bare and He speaks. Without this time, no one on the planet would want to be around me (no, really). This is my time of peace and restoration. So after a couple of days of not having this time, I couldn't get there quick enough today! I fell to my face and just told Him my heart and asked Him to show me His. He is such a wonderful and gracious God. I know that the only reason I desire so much to know His heart is because He put that desire there.
I then opened His Word and began to read. I turned to John chapter 7 about Jesus going to the Feast of Tabernacles. Overall, what stood out to me was the judgements and reactions that Jesus faced. We who have grown up in church know the stories of how Jesus was persecuted. Some believed He was the Christ, some a prophet and some thought He was demon-possessed. Although I have known this, there was a freshness that God gave me today. Jesus first of all did ONLY what the Father told Him to do. He spoke on God's behalf and for the glory of God not for himself. When He did this there were so many mixed reactions. I have been so guilty in the past of letting the judgments of others effect my view of myself and my decisions. Thank you Jesus that I have become much stronger in that area.
Another thing that stood out is His response to their accusations. I am "blessed" to be often put in conversations that are extremely frustrating. Those that breed frustration by pride and arrogance. The inability to actually listen because they are too worried about being "right" and making sure they feel superior. I am not at all threatened by this because I know my position as a child of God. But boy do I ever hate to be misunderstood! I have an ever-present urgency to try to make everyone understand my heart instead of just resting in who I am in Christ and letting Him make His love visible. I have a tendency to get frustrated in the conversations and act on emotions. I desire so much to respond like Jesus. He knew who He was and He knew not everyone was going to believe, but He loved them anyways. He called some a brood of vipers (yikes). He spoke truth with no apologies but He loved. I so desire to achieve this balance.
The bottom line is He knew what He came for. He did the will of the Father and did it perfectly. He knows that it hurts me when people misunderstand me and insult me but He told me to rejoice! All I need to do is keep my eyes on Him and remain in the Spirit.
I started thinking about the time of Jesus on this earth. Some loved him, some hated him, some believed in him, some tried to kill him but through it all He did the will of the Father. In the "Bible-belt" we have the tendency to grow up thinking that we can be like Jesus and still have everyone speak highly of you and life will be just grand. The truth is His word says the opposite. Luke 6:26 says "Woe to you when all men speak well of you, for their fathers used to treat the false prophets in the same way.". Jesus was persecuted and you think you can live like Him and not endure that? If you believe that then you and I are not reading the same Bible. The truth is the gospel is offensive to the flesh. It is a light that exposes the darkness of this world. The more you look like Jesus the more this world is going to hate you. If you are living a comfortable little "Christian" life with no persecutions of any kind, I encourage you to evaluate your heart. Have you really given Him everything? Are you willing to go and do whatever the Father asks? What do you love more your comfort or Jesus? I say this not only to you but to me also!
His servant,
Melissa
Monday, July 25, 2011
I have figured out what Victoria's Secret is..
Can I just say.. I'm ticked. That's right.. Melissa Gayle is ticked off. Who am I ticked at? Well, I'm so glad you asked.. I'm severely ticked off at Miss Victoria. Don't worry, im not slandering someone on the web, only voicing my strong opposition to the advertising campaign of Victoria's Secret. Since when is it okay to mail out soft core porn and call it a catalog? Granted, they mail those out to me every month because up until this point that was my go to place for all things underwear.. but it has recently hit me between the eyes just what Victoria's Secret is.. her secret is that she, like so many other things, is being used by Satan to creep into our homes and cause women to feel less than and men to lust. THAT IS NOT OKAY WITH ME! There are still men in this world who fear God almighty and want to honor their wives. This is a no doubt battle in this society of naked women plastered everywhere. Ladies, get this mess out of your house! Don't get the catalog in the mail and then leave it in the magazine basket by the toilet for your husband to have to battle the temptation to lust while he is taking a poop for crying out loud! We have got to aid our husbands in this battle.. don't be dumb to the fact that this is every mans battle.. as women who love God and love our husbands we must be a help and not a hindrance!
Also, I would love to be able to walk down the mall with my family without huge Goliath sized pictures of naked, airbrushed women shoved in our faces! FIRST of all I don't want to see your boobs.. I realize that there are many pervs out there who do.. and they can usually be found in a huddle right outside the doors.. but I don't! SECOND of all, DO NOT shove the message to my precious little girl, that she must look like that in order to be found beautiful! She was made absolutely perfect by her Heavenly Father and is His beautiful creation! Okay, allow me just take a second right here and say.. Ladies, I know what it is like to be sorting the mail sporting a t-shirt stained with peanut butter and jelly, your lovely hair in a nest on top of your head and wonderful coffee breath. You come across a Victoria Secret catalog and open it to find a plethora of 9 ft sticks with plastic boobs and airbrushed bodies sprawled out over a sandy beach wearing dental floss that they call "Very Sexy Bikinis". Okay, by this point you are feeling anything but "very sexy". Que ole fart head Satan who proceeds to tell you the lie he is always telling us women "You are not enough." Can I just say something from the bottom of my heart? Tell him to SHUT UP! (That is a no-no word in the Richardson house unless it is directed towards Satan.) Your heavenly Father created you absolutely beautiful! Find your security and worth in Him alone! Satan cant EVER take that away from you. He may try to deceive you into thinking he can.. but he cant. THIRD of all, my 3 year old son will soon enough be a young man... where do you get off plastering these images on your store front windows to catch his innocent little eye and cause him to lust. SHAME ON YOU. Shame on me for ever supporting your store.
Call me a prude.. if you haven't picked up on the tone of this blog.. I really don't care.. I will stand for purity, dignity and the protection of our minds! So Victoria, do me a favor, put some clothes on and leave our families alone.
Also, I would love to be able to walk down the mall with my family without huge Goliath sized pictures of naked, airbrushed women shoved in our faces! FIRST of all I don't want to see your boobs.. I realize that there are many pervs out there who do.. and they can usually be found in a huddle right outside the doors.. but I don't! SECOND of all, DO NOT shove the message to my precious little girl, that she must look like that in order to be found beautiful! She was made absolutely perfect by her Heavenly Father and is His beautiful creation! Okay, allow me just take a second right here and say.. Ladies, I know what it is like to be sorting the mail sporting a t-shirt stained with peanut butter and jelly, your lovely hair in a nest on top of your head and wonderful coffee breath. You come across a Victoria Secret catalog and open it to find a plethora of 9 ft sticks with plastic boobs and airbrushed bodies sprawled out over a sandy beach wearing dental floss that they call "Very Sexy Bikinis". Okay, by this point you are feeling anything but "very sexy". Que ole fart head Satan who proceeds to tell you the lie he is always telling us women "You are not enough." Can I just say something from the bottom of my heart? Tell him to SHUT UP! (That is a no-no word in the Richardson house unless it is directed towards Satan.) Your heavenly Father created you absolutely beautiful! Find your security and worth in Him alone! Satan cant EVER take that away from you. He may try to deceive you into thinking he can.. but he cant. THIRD of all, my 3 year old son will soon enough be a young man... where do you get off plastering these images on your store front windows to catch his innocent little eye and cause him to lust. SHAME ON YOU. Shame on me for ever supporting your store.
Call me a prude.. if you haven't picked up on the tone of this blog.. I really don't care.. I will stand for purity, dignity and the protection of our minds! So Victoria, do me a favor, put some clothes on and leave our families alone.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Lukewarm
Revelation 3:15-18
I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm-neither hot nor cold- I am about to spit you out of my mouth. You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so that you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see.
This is the letter to the church of Laodicea. Laodicea was the wealthiest of all the cities that Jesus addressed in Revelation. It was known for its banks, commerce, clothing and medical school that invented the salve that they put on their eyes to cure diseases. Although it was rich, it had a poor water supply. An aqueduct had been built to bring water to the city from a hot spring, but by the time it reached the city it was neither hot nor cold it was lukewarm and full of impurities that made it taste terrible.
I have been doing a study of the book of Revelation. After reading the seven letters to the churches, this is the letter that sounded so familiar to the country we live in today. The Laodiceans had everything but Jesus. They were so prideful in their money and science. They carried the attitude that they did not need God. I find this is the same attitude as most of America.
I was thinking today about verse 16... bear with me but I was thinking about lukewarm water. I started thinking about bacteria growth in lukewarm water so I researched it a little and found that most bacteria thrives at temperatures between 77 and 104 degrees. How interesting... also as most know, when you freeze water it slows the growth of bacteria and of course, when you boil it it kills the bacteria. So Jesus was referring to the spiritual state of the church when he told them that they were lukewarm. Is it any surprise that the creator would know this fact when he made this statement? Bacteria wasn't first observed until 1676 by Antonie van Leeuwenhoek (sorry I had to copy and paste that brothers name lol). So you ask Melissa where are you going with this? Okay, my heart is so broken over the "lukewarmness" of the majority of churches in this country! We need an awakening!! Why is it so rare to find a believer who bears the name of Christ and actually lives for him?! I am not trying to be judgemental or condemning but growing up in the Bible belt where everyone is a Christian because they attend church every Sunday and then go out and live like the devil the rest of the week is the most detrimental thing to the Church of Jesus! It is like a breeding bacteria that turns more nonbelievers away from Christ than anything else. If your heart is cold to God and you are a self-proclaimed non believer then other non believers know that and are not surprised when you don't live like Christ. When one is on fire for God and is completely surrendered to Christ.. every bit of their being is consumed with Christ and walking in the Spirit.. in truth and love.. they are magnetic and bring God glory. They don't resemble the rest of the world. However, those that say they are Christians.. they say that they know Him yet live and look just like the rest of the world are a poison to the church. When someone who does not know him, sees this type of "Christian" they say "Why in the world would I need that?" Can I say I do not blame them?! As I said before, I am not trying to be condemning but come on people wake up! This is not a game and you are being a hindrance. Its not about you or me.. its about Christ and people are hurting and need Him. Stop playing games.
Verse 18 "I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see."
I believe the gold he is referring to is "knowing him". The more fire we endure the more our hearts are refined and the closer we become to the Father. He burns away all of "us" and gives us all of Him. Praise you Jesus! Thank you!
Secondly, I believe the white clothes to cover our shameful nakedness is His grace. We are all shameful and naked until we are washed in the blood of Christ and instead of wearing our old flesh He gives us the Holy Spirit that dwells in us.. as Luke Allen calls it the "new man". Thank you Jesus for your grace and mercy! Thank you for giving us the Holy Spirit! Best outfit I have ever owned! (and it was free!!!!)
Lastly, the salve is the wisdom of God. Only God can give you the eyes to see Him. The wisdom that only comes from Him. Ask Him to reveal the secrets of His heart.. He will. "For the Lord grants wisdom! From His mouth come knowledge and understanding!" Proverbs 2:6
We believers are all in the refining process but thank you God you gave us the Holy Spirit :)
I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm-neither hot nor cold- I am about to spit you out of my mouth. You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so that you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see.
This is the letter to the church of Laodicea. Laodicea was the wealthiest of all the cities that Jesus addressed in Revelation. It was known for its banks, commerce, clothing and medical school that invented the salve that they put on their eyes to cure diseases. Although it was rich, it had a poor water supply. An aqueduct had been built to bring water to the city from a hot spring, but by the time it reached the city it was neither hot nor cold it was lukewarm and full of impurities that made it taste terrible.
I have been doing a study of the book of Revelation. After reading the seven letters to the churches, this is the letter that sounded so familiar to the country we live in today. The Laodiceans had everything but Jesus. They were so prideful in their money and science. They carried the attitude that they did not need God. I find this is the same attitude as most of America.
I was thinking today about verse 16... bear with me but I was thinking about lukewarm water. I started thinking about bacteria growth in lukewarm water so I researched it a little and found that most bacteria thrives at temperatures between 77 and 104 degrees. How interesting... also as most know, when you freeze water it slows the growth of bacteria and of course, when you boil it it kills the bacteria. So Jesus was referring to the spiritual state of the church when he told them that they were lukewarm. Is it any surprise that the creator would know this fact when he made this statement? Bacteria wasn't first observed until 1676 by Antonie van Leeuwenhoek (sorry I had to copy and paste that brothers name lol). So you ask Melissa where are you going with this? Okay, my heart is so broken over the "lukewarmness" of the majority of churches in this country! We need an awakening!! Why is it so rare to find a believer who bears the name of Christ and actually lives for him?! I am not trying to be judgemental or condemning but growing up in the Bible belt where everyone is a Christian because they attend church every Sunday and then go out and live like the devil the rest of the week is the most detrimental thing to the Church of Jesus! It is like a breeding bacteria that turns more nonbelievers away from Christ than anything else. If your heart is cold to God and you are a self-proclaimed non believer then other non believers know that and are not surprised when you don't live like Christ. When one is on fire for God and is completely surrendered to Christ.. every bit of their being is consumed with Christ and walking in the Spirit.. in truth and love.. they are magnetic and bring God glory. They don't resemble the rest of the world. However, those that say they are Christians.. they say that they know Him yet live and look just like the rest of the world are a poison to the church. When someone who does not know him, sees this type of "Christian" they say "Why in the world would I need that?" Can I say I do not blame them?! As I said before, I am not trying to be condemning but come on people wake up! This is not a game and you are being a hindrance. Its not about you or me.. its about Christ and people are hurting and need Him. Stop playing games.
Verse 18 "I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see."
I believe the gold he is referring to is "knowing him". The more fire we endure the more our hearts are refined and the closer we become to the Father. He burns away all of "us" and gives us all of Him. Praise you Jesus! Thank you!
Secondly, I believe the white clothes to cover our shameful nakedness is His grace. We are all shameful and naked until we are washed in the blood of Christ and instead of wearing our old flesh He gives us the Holy Spirit that dwells in us.. as Luke Allen calls it the "new man". Thank you Jesus for your grace and mercy! Thank you for giving us the Holy Spirit! Best outfit I have ever owned! (and it was free!!!!)
Lastly, the salve is the wisdom of God. Only God can give you the eyes to see Him. The wisdom that only comes from Him. Ask Him to reveal the secrets of His heart.. He will. "For the Lord grants wisdom! From His mouth come knowledge and understanding!" Proverbs 2:6
We believers are all in the refining process but thank you God you gave us the Holy Spirit :)
Monday, June 20, 2011
free from perfection
"Going on from there, he saw two other brothers, James son of Zebedee and his brother John. They were in a boat with their father Zebedee, preparing their nets. Jesus called to them, and immediately they left the boat and their father and followed him." Matthew 4:21-22
One would assume that day to be a lot like every other, Daddy Zebedee training his two sons in the family business. In walks Jesus and with just a few words and Zebedee's two sons are gone. I can only imagine what Zebedee's reaction must have been. Did he ask his sons "Where in the world are you going?!" "I am your Father! How can you just leave me?!" I wonder if he went home and told his wife, "Hunny, John and James have lost it". I wonder what her reaction was? Scripture doesn't tell us. Honestly, I have read this passage many, many times and I have often said to myself "Wow, I wonder if I would have turned my back on everything I had ever known.. all the plans that were laid before me and answered that call." Just recently that question was answered for me. Yes. Not because of my holiness but only because He is Jesus and at the sound of Him calling my name He had my heart.
As God reveals to me more and more His precious truths, the more I see so many things that I held dear, so many things that I longed for are not at all what I should treasure. Family. Everyone has a story, everyone has their issues. I will spare the details and just say that this very strong willed little girl grew up proclaiming "One day I will have a home of peace! I will never abandon or turn my back on my children! I will raise them in a godly home!" Well here I am. I am blessed beyond measure with a husband who loves Jesus and is on mission and two precious souls I have the opportunity to love and raise up in Christ. Somewhere along the way, my desire to do things differently became an idol that I put in place of where my desire to do ALL things for God's glory should be. I wanted to be the perfect mother and wife. Not for others, but because I wanted to give my children something better. Or maybe I should say, I never wanted them to experience the hurt and lonliness that I felt growing up. Although, you would think these are good motives with good intentions, still they are not done for the glory of God. Being convicted, I fell on my face in repentance. I fell a woman in chains of perfection and rose a woman of freedom in Christ. Since then I have been free to love my family like Jesus. Before I was always critiquing every word or action and because I am broken flesh that left me with a lot of frustration and disappointment. I ask God every morning to help me love my children the way He loves them. I pray that their little eyes would see His love shining through me. His love through patience with their catastrophes. His love through disciplining disobedience. His love through comforting a broken heart or a boo boo. His love through patience with people who don't know how to drive. His love through putting my plans on hold to help others. This is my heart's desire. I know that I am but dust and I will fall but by the power of the Holy Spirit I have everything living on the inside of me for all Godliness! Praise Jesus! Oh Lord I pray I never again get in the way!
Now, when Elijah, Halle or any other children God blesses us with comes to us when they are older and says, "Dad, Mom God has called me to move to Africa to share Jesus." I will remember ole' Zebedee and remind myself that they aren't mine and it's not about me. And of course say "When do we leave?" lol.
One would assume that day to be a lot like every other, Daddy Zebedee training his two sons in the family business. In walks Jesus and with just a few words and Zebedee's two sons are gone. I can only imagine what Zebedee's reaction must have been. Did he ask his sons "Where in the world are you going?!" "I am your Father! How can you just leave me?!" I wonder if he went home and told his wife, "Hunny, John and James have lost it". I wonder what her reaction was? Scripture doesn't tell us. Honestly, I have read this passage many, many times and I have often said to myself "Wow, I wonder if I would have turned my back on everything I had ever known.. all the plans that were laid before me and answered that call." Just recently that question was answered for me. Yes. Not because of my holiness but only because He is Jesus and at the sound of Him calling my name He had my heart.
As God reveals to me more and more His precious truths, the more I see so many things that I held dear, so many things that I longed for are not at all what I should treasure. Family. Everyone has a story, everyone has their issues. I will spare the details and just say that this very strong willed little girl grew up proclaiming "One day I will have a home of peace! I will never abandon or turn my back on my children! I will raise them in a godly home!" Well here I am. I am blessed beyond measure with a husband who loves Jesus and is on mission and two precious souls I have the opportunity to love and raise up in Christ. Somewhere along the way, my desire to do things differently became an idol that I put in place of where my desire to do ALL things for God's glory should be. I wanted to be the perfect mother and wife. Not for others, but because I wanted to give my children something better. Or maybe I should say, I never wanted them to experience the hurt and lonliness that I felt growing up. Although, you would think these are good motives with good intentions, still they are not done for the glory of God. Being convicted, I fell on my face in repentance. I fell a woman in chains of perfection and rose a woman of freedom in Christ. Since then I have been free to love my family like Jesus. Before I was always critiquing every word or action and because I am broken flesh that left me with a lot of frustration and disappointment. I ask God every morning to help me love my children the way He loves them. I pray that their little eyes would see His love shining through me. His love through patience with their catastrophes. His love through disciplining disobedience. His love through comforting a broken heart or a boo boo. His love through patience with people who don't know how to drive. His love through putting my plans on hold to help others. This is my heart's desire. I know that I am but dust and I will fall but by the power of the Holy Spirit I have everything living on the inside of me for all Godliness! Praise Jesus! Oh Lord I pray I never again get in the way!
Now, when Elijah, Halle or any other children God blesses us with comes to us when they are older and says, "Dad, Mom God has called me to move to Africa to share Jesus." I will remember ole' Zebedee and remind myself that they aren't mine and it's not about me. And of course say "When do we leave?" lol.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Rend your hearts
Joel 2:13
"Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the Lord your God, for He is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity."
One of my greatest struggles in this crazy busy life is time management. The days just don't seem to have enough hours in them... especially for sleep. This world gets faster and faster. I don't remember life ever being like this when I was a kid. Everything is instant.. instant message.. emails.. phone calls... texting... instant oatmeal for crying out loud... although all of these things are convenient.. it can begin to feel suffocating. When you are doing all you can to serve... be a good parent and spouse... friend... sister.. it begins to feel like that gnat that wont leave you alone. The other day ... I had my hands full... Halle was fussing... the t.v. was blaring and I was trying to buckle Elijah in the car seat and of course my cell phone starts blowing up... Elijah looked at me and said "Mommy do you want to throw your phone in the river?" lol I said "Yes sir I do" Something tells me he has heard me say that a time or two... Maybe I'm the only one who feels this way...
Today I was talking to the Lord about how my mind was so clouded with thoughts of all the stuff I had coming up... trying not to forget anything... and I couldn't focus on my time with Him... He led me to Joel 2:13... This was after Israel had turned away from God... The Lord says "return to me with all of your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning." (Joel 2:12) Then He goes on to say "Rend your heart and not your garments" . In that day Israelites would tear their clothes as an outside expression of pain and sorrow...I could go on and on about this reference and how it applies to the text and to us today but the bottom line is this... He is more interested in their inside than the outside... if the inside is right ... the outside will follow.
More than sacrifice... more than service.. more than anything God wants our hearts. How amazing is that... In a work work work world... God says "I want your heart" .. Our time can be packed full of "good stuff" but if we neglect to give our hearts to Him daily we have missed the point. What a wonderful God.
"Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the Lord your God, for He is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity."
One of my greatest struggles in this crazy busy life is time management. The days just don't seem to have enough hours in them... especially for sleep. This world gets faster and faster. I don't remember life ever being like this when I was a kid. Everything is instant.. instant message.. emails.. phone calls... texting... instant oatmeal for crying out loud... although all of these things are convenient.. it can begin to feel suffocating. When you are doing all you can to serve... be a good parent and spouse... friend... sister.. it begins to feel like that gnat that wont leave you alone. The other day ... I had my hands full... Halle was fussing... the t.v. was blaring and I was trying to buckle Elijah in the car seat and of course my cell phone starts blowing up... Elijah looked at me and said "Mommy do you want to throw your phone in the river?" lol I said "Yes sir I do" Something tells me he has heard me say that a time or two... Maybe I'm the only one who feels this way...
Today I was talking to the Lord about how my mind was so clouded with thoughts of all the stuff I had coming up... trying not to forget anything... and I couldn't focus on my time with Him... He led me to Joel 2:13... This was after Israel had turned away from God... The Lord says "return to me with all of your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning." (Joel 2:12) Then He goes on to say "Rend your heart and not your garments" . In that day Israelites would tear their clothes as an outside expression of pain and sorrow...I could go on and on about this reference and how it applies to the text and to us today but the bottom line is this... He is more interested in their inside than the outside... if the inside is right ... the outside will follow.
More than sacrifice... more than service.. more than anything God wants our hearts. How amazing is that... In a work work work world... God says "I want your heart" .. Our time can be packed full of "good stuff" but if we neglect to give our hearts to Him daily we have missed the point. What a wonderful God.
Monday, April 11, 2011
another facet of grace
The Word says that it's not by the work of man but by grace we are saved. (Ephesians 2:8) It is a gift that cannot be earned. This is something that God has revealed to me in the past but in the recent days, He has enlightened me to a whole new facet of this truth.
I am a stay at home mommy of two precious gifts of God. I am living my dream. This is what I have always wanted to be and I am so greatly appreciative that God has allowed me to be home with these kiddos. That being said, being a mom is quite exhausting and time consuming. You are in high-demand. Halle has been such a light to our lives. She is hilarious and precious and I already see that the Lord has answered my prayers and has blessed us with such a special mother-daughter relationship and bond. Her strong attachment to me has been so extremely demanding. This is not a complaint because as I said, this is an answered prayer, but this has left me in a struggle, over the past year, to get in a solid routine to spend time studying the Word and in prayer. I am a scheduled person. I like routine. Well Halle doesn't lol. I used to do it every day, at the same time, when Elijah napped. Well I tried that with Halle... she would throw a fit. I tried getting up at 5 am. This worked for a couple of weeks until she started waking up with me. Ha! Its like she can sense when I am awake!
I finally just went before the Lord with my frustration. In the past, I would condemn myself if I missed a day of my study time. I would feel distant from God... like He was mad at me or something. He showed me it is not about what I DO. He freed me from the sick cycle of the spiritual highs and lows caused by self-condemnation and showed me how to rest in Him and who I am in Christ. Since then my life and walk has changed dramatically. He unravelled a condemning message of works and "earn your salvation" that I had been fed all my life... but I wont go into that.. another day... another sermon lol.
Well over the past few weeks I have been so extremely busy.. there have been a few days where I said "Wow God, thank you so much... You allowed me to get all this stuff done in one day.. where my hours didn't match my accomplishments..." I have been grabbing time in the Word whenever I get a quiet second.. this may be 5 minutes or 20 minutes... or maybe no reading at all... but I have started my day mindful of Him.. asking Him to live through me.. truly dieing to myself and asking the Spirit to live through me for the day... acknowledging that I cant be the wife, mom, friend that I desire to be unless He does.
This is what I have found... despite how crazy my schedule is... I have remained so close and steadfast in Him. I am so extremely in love and captivated my Jesus. Its become less about scheduling and more about remaining in Christ... the revelations of God and the blessings of communion with Him is just that a blessing... a gift.. which we have because of who we are in Christ! Not because of what I do (with the exception of unconfessed sin)... which leads me to this... once again I find another ritualistic check box that I have been a slave to.. Its not how much I "study" its about remaining in Him. In no way am I down playing the utmost importance of saturating yourself in the Word ... I am just saying that doesn't save you.. beware of the boxes you check! This is a passage that the Lord has continuously led me to over the past few weeks and I didn't really understand why until now... I have committed myself to memorize this and more importantly LIVE IT!
John 15: 1-5
I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit, He prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoke to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself, it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. "I am the vine, you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."
I am a stay at home mommy of two precious gifts of God. I am living my dream. This is what I have always wanted to be and I am so greatly appreciative that God has allowed me to be home with these kiddos. That being said, being a mom is quite exhausting and time consuming. You are in high-demand. Halle has been such a light to our lives. She is hilarious and precious and I already see that the Lord has answered my prayers and has blessed us with such a special mother-daughter relationship and bond. Her strong attachment to me has been so extremely demanding. This is not a complaint because as I said, this is an answered prayer, but this has left me in a struggle, over the past year, to get in a solid routine to spend time studying the Word and in prayer. I am a scheduled person. I like routine. Well Halle doesn't lol. I used to do it every day, at the same time, when Elijah napped. Well I tried that with Halle... she would throw a fit. I tried getting up at 5 am. This worked for a couple of weeks until she started waking up with me. Ha! Its like she can sense when I am awake!
I finally just went before the Lord with my frustration. In the past, I would condemn myself if I missed a day of my study time. I would feel distant from God... like He was mad at me or something. He showed me it is not about what I DO. He freed me from the sick cycle of the spiritual highs and lows caused by self-condemnation and showed me how to rest in Him and who I am in Christ. Since then my life and walk has changed dramatically. He unravelled a condemning message of works and "earn your salvation" that I had been fed all my life... but I wont go into that.. another day... another sermon lol.
Well over the past few weeks I have been so extremely busy.. there have been a few days where I said "Wow God, thank you so much... You allowed me to get all this stuff done in one day.. where my hours didn't match my accomplishments..." I have been grabbing time in the Word whenever I get a quiet second.. this may be 5 minutes or 20 minutes... or maybe no reading at all... but I have started my day mindful of Him.. asking Him to live through me.. truly dieing to myself and asking the Spirit to live through me for the day... acknowledging that I cant be the wife, mom, friend that I desire to be unless He does.
This is what I have found... despite how crazy my schedule is... I have remained so close and steadfast in Him. I am so extremely in love and captivated my Jesus. Its become less about scheduling and more about remaining in Christ... the revelations of God and the blessings of communion with Him is just that a blessing... a gift.. which we have because of who we are in Christ! Not because of what I do (with the exception of unconfessed sin)... which leads me to this... once again I find another ritualistic check box that I have been a slave to.. Its not how much I "study" its about remaining in Him. In no way am I down playing the utmost importance of saturating yourself in the Word ... I am just saying that doesn't save you.. beware of the boxes you check! This is a passage that the Lord has continuously led me to over the past few weeks and I didn't really understand why until now... I have committed myself to memorize this and more importantly LIVE IT!
John 15: 1-5
I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit, He prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoke to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself, it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. "I am the vine, you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."
Thursday, April 7, 2011
yet ANOTHER testimony of God's faithfulness
My last post was an exclamation of God's goodness... well He is STILL good! Here is the story of yet another time that God has revealed His faithfulness to me... this is the "more to come"..
A few months ago we were informed by our tax guy that we owed the IRS quite a bit of money. Needless to say we were not expecting this. Every year we have got money back but we were in a different tax bracket this year as well as the move and other things, we ended up owing money. After building and moving into our house it took a pretty big chunk out of our savings so what we owed we didnt have in our account. Well of course our immediate thought was "oh man"...
Allow me stop here and explain that Luke has always been very anxious and OCD about our finances.. everything had to be perfect... lets just say he was extremely OVER responsible... to the point of anxiety over nothing... recently in the past couple of years God has done an amazing work in his heart teaching him that it is from God and by God that all things are provided... He has placed a deep desire to focus on investing in His kingdom instead of our 401K... to completely trust and overcome the anxieties that often come by being the head of the household... I am so proud to be that man's bride.
Normally this situation would have probably cause Luke's head to spontaneously combust... but I stood there in the parking lot of our childrens pediatricians office... right after we got the phone call... and I saw first hand the change that God had performed in my husbands heart. I looked at him and said "What in the world are we going to do?" and he calmly and peacefully said "Hunny, it will be fine... we honor God with what He gives us... He will take care of it." What a change! I thank God for healing Him of those anxieties!!! I was the one kinda scrambling! I then said "I will be fine as soon as I talk to the Lord about this..." So I went home and put the kids down for a nap and fell on my face before God. I immediately began to cry and ask Him to forgive me for being fearful for one second! I said "Lord You are FAITHFUL I have seen it and I trust You above all else! I dont care what our circumstances say... I TRUST YOU! You are my Father and You take care of Your kids! Whatever your will is... I trust You. Lord You have taken care of us... our treasure is not in the material things in this world... it is in You and You alone... so You just work this out how you see fit... I trust You" The very second I fell on my face... so did my fear... I know who God is and I believe Him..
A few days later we found out that we had some stock that had matured that we could sell .. but it still wouldnt cover all of the taxes. So the plan was to just save as much as we could ... pray and trust God.. then in the midst of the stock market falling our stocks increased quite a bit.. enough for that coupled with what we had in savings to cover it! We are so thankful!!! God had provided!!!! Our treasure and worth is not in the numbers that our next to our name at our bank... it is in God alone!!!! But the story doesnt end there...
The day we had sold the stock and were making transfers to send the check to the IRS we were left with $300 in our account... we were just praising God for providing and His faithfulness.. and how good He is... we hung up the phone and Halle and I were in Ross's looking at kitchen stuff and my phone rings... its Luke.. he had just talked to our mortgage company and we had over paid on our escrow and we would be getting a pretty hefty chunk of change back! We were gonna have more than we had to start with! This is more that we can give back to Him! Thank you God... He goes WAY PAST OUR WAY PAST! We walk through this life free from the burdens of this world because we belong to the King... He is our Daddy and Daddy's got this :) Our treasure is not in the stupid fleeting things of this world saturated with materialism... it is in Christ alone! He is our treasure!!! Whatever He gives to us our desire is to turn around and give it right back to Him... our time, money, home, cars... whatever... its all His and for His glory! God is FAITHFUL! I am so thankful to be called His daughter!
A few months ago we were informed by our tax guy that we owed the IRS quite a bit of money. Needless to say we were not expecting this. Every year we have got money back but we were in a different tax bracket this year as well as the move and other things, we ended up owing money. After building and moving into our house it took a pretty big chunk out of our savings so what we owed we didnt have in our account. Well of course our immediate thought was "oh man"...
Allow me stop here and explain that Luke has always been very anxious and OCD about our finances.. everything had to be perfect... lets just say he was extremely OVER responsible... to the point of anxiety over nothing... recently in the past couple of years God has done an amazing work in his heart teaching him that it is from God and by God that all things are provided... He has placed a deep desire to focus on investing in His kingdom instead of our 401K... to completely trust and overcome the anxieties that often come by being the head of the household... I am so proud to be that man's bride.
Normally this situation would have probably cause Luke's head to spontaneously combust... but I stood there in the parking lot of our childrens pediatricians office... right after we got the phone call... and I saw first hand the change that God had performed in my husbands heart. I looked at him and said "What in the world are we going to do?" and he calmly and peacefully said "Hunny, it will be fine... we honor God with what He gives us... He will take care of it." What a change! I thank God for healing Him of those anxieties!!! I was the one kinda scrambling! I then said "I will be fine as soon as I talk to the Lord about this..." So I went home and put the kids down for a nap and fell on my face before God. I immediately began to cry and ask Him to forgive me for being fearful for one second! I said "Lord You are FAITHFUL I have seen it and I trust You above all else! I dont care what our circumstances say... I TRUST YOU! You are my Father and You take care of Your kids! Whatever your will is... I trust You. Lord You have taken care of us... our treasure is not in the material things in this world... it is in You and You alone... so You just work this out how you see fit... I trust You" The very second I fell on my face... so did my fear... I know who God is and I believe Him..
A few days later we found out that we had some stock that had matured that we could sell .. but it still wouldnt cover all of the taxes. So the plan was to just save as much as we could ... pray and trust God.. then in the midst of the stock market falling our stocks increased quite a bit.. enough for that coupled with what we had in savings to cover it! We are so thankful!!! God had provided!!!! Our treasure and worth is not in the numbers that our next to our name at our bank... it is in God alone!!!! But the story doesnt end there...
The day we had sold the stock and were making transfers to send the check to the IRS we were left with $300 in our account... we were just praising God for providing and His faithfulness.. and how good He is... we hung up the phone and Halle and I were in Ross's looking at kitchen stuff and my phone rings... its Luke.. he had just talked to our mortgage company and we had over paid on our escrow and we would be getting a pretty hefty chunk of change back! We were gonna have more than we had to start with! This is more that we can give back to Him! Thank you God... He goes WAY PAST OUR WAY PAST! We walk through this life free from the burdens of this world because we belong to the King... He is our Daddy and Daddy's got this :) Our treasure is not in the stupid fleeting things of this world saturated with materialism... it is in Christ alone! He is our treasure!!! Whatever He gives to us our desire is to turn around and give it right back to Him... our time, money, home, cars... whatever... its all His and for His glory! God is FAITHFUL! I am so thankful to be called His daughter!
Sunday, March 6, 2011
a work in progress
"Lord, change me... rid my heart of anything that isn't of You... reveal to me things that I need to repent from."
This is a prayer that I prayed a few weeks ago. God is faithful in answering. After a series of events and my totally uncharacteristic reactions it has become starkly evident to me that there is some anger that I have harbored in the deepest corner of my heart. I was totally unaware. I have a "suck it up" kind of mentality... I'm definitely not one to whine and have a pity party... the first person ill blame in a situation is myself which isn't always good... but because of this I have glazed over some issues instead of getting to the root of it and allowing God to heal me completely...
I have a constant hope and peace in the Holy Spirit so this anger is not something that was on the forefront of my mind.. it wasn't until God made it aware to me.. There are some wounds from my past that haven't healed... I thought they were.. but not completely... I'm not okay with that.. my utmost desire is for my heart to be an exact replica of my Saviors.. this prayer is a scary one to pray because You know He is faithful to answer! It is the Father's will to transform us! That transformation is most times very painful and humbling but most of all beautiful... I am not content where I am... I don't want some garbage hidden in my heart that isn't healed... Its not about me...
the first part of my life is best described like a violent F5 tornado that I was sucked in and whirrled around and around... until one day when He reached in... pulled me out and set my feet on a firm foundation.. and a place of peace... He has healed so much of the damage left from being in that storm... but He is still healing... I am not a finished product... I am being renewed (Philippians 3:12-14 Colossians 3:10)... I am not my own (1 corinthians 6:19-20).. my heart belongs to my Lord... I am so humbled and thankful that He looks down on me with love and isn't gonna leave me in this place... He so patiently and graciously exposes that which is hidden in the dark.. with His marvelous light (1 corinthians 4:5).. and gives beauty for ashes (Isaiah 61:3) It is by His precious hands that my soul was purchased... it is those precious hands that lifted me out of a pit... it is by those precious hands that I am being molded into something beautiful (Isaiah 64:8).. and it is those precious hands that I take hold of every day to walk through this life with... I am so thankful for this amazing love that takes my breath away at the mention of His name... this love I have for Him is a gift from Him... He sought me first and the very desire to love and know Him only comes from Him! (Romans 3:10, Ephesians 2:8-9) I know He is going to heal these wounds and deliver me from this anger... just like He has before... because that's who He is a what He does... as my soul is laid bare before Him... He pours His healing grace upon me... and makes me new. What a beautiful God! I want to encourage all believers to pray this prayer... ask God to give you a desire for His heart... chase after Him with reckless abandon forsaking all else.. it is the only way to truly be free and live! (Hebrews 11:6)
This is a prayer that I prayed a few weeks ago. God is faithful in answering. After a series of events and my totally uncharacteristic reactions it has become starkly evident to me that there is some anger that I have harbored in the deepest corner of my heart. I was totally unaware. I have a "suck it up" kind of mentality... I'm definitely not one to whine and have a pity party... the first person ill blame in a situation is myself which isn't always good... but because of this I have glazed over some issues instead of getting to the root of it and allowing God to heal me completely...
I have a constant hope and peace in the Holy Spirit so this anger is not something that was on the forefront of my mind.. it wasn't until God made it aware to me.. There are some wounds from my past that haven't healed... I thought they were.. but not completely... I'm not okay with that.. my utmost desire is for my heart to be an exact replica of my Saviors.. this prayer is a scary one to pray because You know He is faithful to answer! It is the Father's will to transform us! That transformation is most times very painful and humbling but most of all beautiful... I am not content where I am... I don't want some garbage hidden in my heart that isn't healed... Its not about me...
the first part of my life is best described like a violent F5 tornado that I was sucked in and whirrled around and around... until one day when He reached in... pulled me out and set my feet on a firm foundation.. and a place of peace... He has healed so much of the damage left from being in that storm... but He is still healing... I am not a finished product... I am being renewed (Philippians 3:12-14 Colossians 3:10)... I am not my own (1 corinthians 6:19-20).. my heart belongs to my Lord... I am so humbled and thankful that He looks down on me with love and isn't gonna leave me in this place... He so patiently and graciously exposes that which is hidden in the dark.. with His marvelous light (1 corinthians 4:5).. and gives beauty for ashes (Isaiah 61:3) It is by His precious hands that my soul was purchased... it is those precious hands that lifted me out of a pit... it is by those precious hands that I am being molded into something beautiful (Isaiah 64:8).. and it is those precious hands that I take hold of every day to walk through this life with... I am so thankful for this amazing love that takes my breath away at the mention of His name... this love I have for Him is a gift from Him... He sought me first and the very desire to love and know Him only comes from Him! (Romans 3:10, Ephesians 2:8-9) I know He is going to heal these wounds and deliver me from this anger... just like He has before... because that's who He is a what He does... as my soul is laid bare before Him... He pours His healing grace upon me... and makes me new. What a beautiful God! I want to encourage all believers to pray this prayer... ask God to give you a desire for His heart... chase after Him with reckless abandon forsaking all else.. it is the only way to truly be free and live! (Hebrews 11:6)
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
God is faithful!
God is faithful!!! You hear me?! GOD IS FAITHFUL! Forever and ever He is good and faithful! Over and over He displays His faithfulness to me... to us. I am so thankful to be His child!!! more to come as this story develops ;)
God is faithful!
God is faithful!!! You hear me?! GOD IS FAITHFUL! Forever and ever He is good and faithful! Over and over He displays His faithfulness to me... to us. I am so thankful to be His child!!! more to come as this story develops ;)
Thursday, January 20, 2011
no more excuses!
Have you ever wondered why the Bible doesn't talk more about Jesus's childhood? The only account the Bible gives is in Luke 2:41-52 it talks of him when he was 12 years old in the temple. He and his parents went to Jerusalem for the Feast of Passover. When it was over, His parents left to go home and Jesus stayed... Mary and Joseph traveled for a day and then realized Jesus wasn't with them... 3 days later they found him sitting in the temple with all of the teachers.. Mary asked why Jesus treated her like that and his reply was "Didn't you know I had to be in my Father's house?"
I believe this account in Luke gives us the reason there is not more mentioned of Jesus's upbringing... it doesn't matter.
Although Jesus loved his parents, He knew who His Father was... God. His upbringing, whether he had amazing parents, or terrible parents did not matter. His Father was God. Mary and Joseph were humans so you know they made mistakes as parents just like we all do. Jesus didn't grow up and hold that against them. No, it didn't matter because He knew who His Father was and that is who He followed. He didn't make excuses for bad behavior and say ... well look how I was raised... the reason I am the way I am is because of how I was raised... You may say "but He was Jesus, I'm not" Well beloved, I will tell you that if you have put your faith in Jesus Christ and have the Holy Spirit dwelling inside you... you are a NEW CREATION (2 Corinthians 5:17). You are reborn into a new family and God the Father is the head of that family! (Ephesians 1:4-6) So no matter how you grew up and how many mistakes your parents made... you have been given everything you need in the Holy Spirit to live a godly life (2 Peter 1:3).
No more excuses. Stop hiding behind the mistakes of your parents. Forgive your parents, and look to the one true Father. The Father that will never let you down... who is faithful, trustworthy and abounding in love. He can and will restore your heart. I am living proof!
I believe this account in Luke gives us the reason there is not more mentioned of Jesus's upbringing... it doesn't matter.
Although Jesus loved his parents, He knew who His Father was... God. His upbringing, whether he had amazing parents, or terrible parents did not matter. His Father was God. Mary and Joseph were humans so you know they made mistakes as parents just like we all do. Jesus didn't grow up and hold that against them. No, it didn't matter because He knew who His Father was and that is who He followed. He didn't make excuses for bad behavior and say ... well look how I was raised... the reason I am the way I am is because of how I was raised... You may say "but He was Jesus, I'm not" Well beloved, I will tell you that if you have put your faith in Jesus Christ and have the Holy Spirit dwelling inside you... you are a NEW CREATION (2 Corinthians 5:17). You are reborn into a new family and God the Father is the head of that family! (Ephesians 1:4-6) So no matter how you grew up and how many mistakes your parents made... you have been given everything you need in the Holy Spirit to live a godly life (2 Peter 1:3).
No more excuses. Stop hiding behind the mistakes of your parents. Forgive your parents, and look to the one true Father. The Father that will never let you down... who is faithful, trustworthy and abounding in love. He can and will restore your heart. I am living proof!
Friday, January 14, 2011
looking through a window- D-daddy
Last night I had a dream about my D-daddy. For those of you who don't know, he went to be with Jesus this past December. I dreamed that I saw him through a window at my grandmommies house. He looked the way he always has looked to me... like D Daddy... but his face was soft and full of grace... almost glowing... he was more slender...He locked eyes with me and smiled the biggest smile at me as I was calling for him... and then slowly he disappeared. I screamed for him to come back but he didn't.. and I wept. When I woke up I felt all of those feelings all over again... the shock of losing him... but it was also very refreshing to see his face again. Even if it was just a dream... he smiled at me.
His life on this earth taught me so much... more than I could ever write in a blog... but God has used his death even more. The day I drove frantically to get to the hospital before he passed... the whole way up there I was just praying "Lord, please just let him hold on just a few more minutes..." about 10 minutes before I got there... I was in front of Walgreen's on Youree Dr... I felt him go. I don't know how... but I broke down there in my car... just me and the Lord... I arrived at the hospital and ran up to his room.. turned the corner and saw him laying there... I have never in my life felt the feelings that I felt at that moment... there was no thinking... there was no deliberation... just raw emotion and reaction... my family was gathered around his bed ... and he was gone... my knees buckled and had it not been for my uncle I probably would have hit the floor... he was gone. For the next hour I sat on his bed looking at him and wondering what he was experiencing... wondering who he was seeing and if he had got to see Jesus yet.. because I know that is what he was so excited about... For whatever reason... the Lord didn't answer my prayer... I wasn't there when he breathed his last breath... but I trust him. I am so thankful that my D-daddy is finally where his heart has longed to be... I am also thankful that God gave me that dream... There have been numerous instances in my life that I have had dreams where I have seen things through a window and all of those things have had spiritual meaning... I consider that dream a blessing and I feel as though it was reassurance from the Lord that D Daddy is so happy... and that he loves me... i miss his so much but I rejoice with all of me that he is with Jesus.
His life on this earth taught me so much... more than I could ever write in a blog... but God has used his death even more. The day I drove frantically to get to the hospital before he passed... the whole way up there I was just praying "Lord, please just let him hold on just a few more minutes..." about 10 minutes before I got there... I was in front of Walgreen's on Youree Dr... I felt him go. I don't know how... but I broke down there in my car... just me and the Lord... I arrived at the hospital and ran up to his room.. turned the corner and saw him laying there... I have never in my life felt the feelings that I felt at that moment... there was no thinking... there was no deliberation... just raw emotion and reaction... my family was gathered around his bed ... and he was gone... my knees buckled and had it not been for my uncle I probably would have hit the floor... he was gone. For the next hour I sat on his bed looking at him and wondering what he was experiencing... wondering who he was seeing and if he had got to see Jesus yet.. because I know that is what he was so excited about... For whatever reason... the Lord didn't answer my prayer... I wasn't there when he breathed his last breath... but I trust him. I am so thankful that my D-daddy is finally where his heart has longed to be... I am also thankful that God gave me that dream... There have been numerous instances in my life that I have had dreams where I have seen things through a window and all of those things have had spiritual meaning... I consider that dream a blessing and I feel as though it was reassurance from the Lord that D Daddy is so happy... and that he loves me... i miss his so much but I rejoice with all of me that he is with Jesus.
Monday, January 10, 2011
When is the last time you were persecuted for standing for Christ?
"Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way the persecuted the prophets who were before you." Matt 5:11-12
Oh my Lord. How I love you! For what else and in who else could I rejoice when those I love speak evil against me for standing for you? Thank you for your love.
My question to you is this.. When is the last time you were persecuted for standing for Christ? How did you handle it? Did you rejoice? Share if you are led... I would love to hear your stories of triumph and hardships... we are in this together.
Oh my Lord. How I love you! For what else and in who else could I rejoice when those I love speak evil against me for standing for you? Thank you for your love.
My question to you is this.. When is the last time you were persecuted for standing for Christ? How did you handle it? Did you rejoice? Share if you are led... I would love to hear your stories of triumph and hardships... we are in this together.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Man vs. Woman
Today Luke and I were sitting on the couch together. He was playing a game of NCAA football on the PlayStation and I was feeding Halle a bottle and we were just hanging out partaking in some pretty enriching and oh-so-interesting small talk lol. I caught a glimpse of Erin Andrews on the screen and started the topic of how she is like the playgirl of sports.. (for those of you who don't know she is a reporter for ESPN knows her stuff and seems to be a sweet girl) which then leads to the topic of Satan's attack on men and women. Bottom line is this... Satan preys on the God-given attraction that men have for women with the intention of twisting it into a perverted lust declaring to all men that they cant get enough... that desire is always there.. wanting more...
He preys on woman's desire to be desired... to be loved... to be wanted... to hold the eye of her man... to feel like the only woman in the world to her man.. He is constantly lying to men telling them that they need more.. what they have isn't enough... and he lies to women by telling them they aren't enough... will never be good enough... if only I looked like her.. then maybe I could hold his attention and he wouldn't notice the other women... Here is the truth: Men if you truly want to live a godly life.. to honor God with your thoughts.. to honor your woman.. or future woman... you are gonna be attracted to women... but it is possible to take every thought captive and through much prayer and practice of self-control overcome the bondage of lust.. I am so thankful that the Lord has blessed me with a husband that is open and trusts me enough to share his struggles... don't get me wrong ladies.. the first few conversations we had about his struggles as a man were not easy for me to swallow.. especially seeing as though I was deeply insecure at the time... but through these conversations.. God used Luke's openness to heal a lot of the insecurities that I had... as well as make us stronger because instead of him fighting this battle alone.. I stand beside him in support.. and I protect him as much as I can by being careful what is on our t.v. and what catalogs i leave laying around (ahem Victoria Secret).. The first time we had this conversation as far as I can remember I didn't handle it very well ... but with more explanation God opened my eyes and I understand a lot better what goes on in the mind of a man... and I cant tell you how precious it is that my husband trusts me to share that intimate part with me... I cant tell you how overcome with gratitude I am that my husband loves God and me more than his flesh... He loves and cares about honoring us.. He will attest to the say that God has brought him to a place where he sees women as sisters.. and that is by PRAYER and taking captive many thoughts... so young men be encouraged!!! If that is something you truly want to overcome and get control of... if the Holy Spirit resides in you, you have everything you need to live a holy and godly life! 2 Tim 1:7
Now ladies... on to you... the truth is... you will never be good enough... that's right.. there is always going to be someone more beautiful... thinner... younger... better dressed.. stop trying to look like that magazine cover because it isn't going to happen.. and just so you know.. the people on the magazine cover don't even look like the magazine cover... they may as well be looking at a comic strip of wonder woman BC it is fake... your beauty needs to come from Jesus. That desire to captivate your man... well I want to share with you that you do captivate someone.. and his name is Jesus... you are God's beautiful creation and you captivate him... stop trying to fill that void by attaining some status that doesn't even exist..
I have battled insecurity for so long on my appearance... mainly weight.. it was never enough.. "If i could just lose 5 more pounds.. then maybe I would feel desirable"... 5 more would go... and nope... still feel sucky.. it wasn't until I started praying that the Lord would let me see myself through his eyes that I began to truly "feel" beautiful... and I do.. I feel beautiful.. I am a "soft and jiggly" 111 lbs... 5 foot 4 (on a good day) with a pair of saggy boobies that have definitely seen better days thanks to breast feeding.. my work out used to consist of running 5 miles every day coupled with weight training.. and now it consists of running after a precious 3 year old little boy who is bursting with life coupled with lifting a 17 pound bundle of preciousness named Halle Noelle who has me enchanted.. and I feel more beautiful than I ever have.. because I have my Lord's attention.. He completes every empty part of me.. He is all I need... He made me.. and loves me.. and beloved sister.. He sees you the same.. so quit listening to that lie... let the Lord come in and fill that void you are chasing to fill with the latest diet... He is all you need.. and there is healing in Him.. He is all that can complete you. (1 Tim 2:9-10 Proverbs 31:30)
If you are married and reading this... I would encourage you to talk to your spouse about this with caution.. everyone is at different places.. he or she may not feel comfortable talking at first.. but make sure if they do open up about it you respond gently and be encouraging!!! if you get defensive your spouse more than likely wont feel safe to talk to about it anymore.. and that is not what you want. For anyone who knows me knows that I am feisty and when I am stung by the insecurity bug my first reaction is goes like this (hand on the hip) oh uh uh hunny... i get mad.. and defensive.. not good.. please ladies take my word for it.. before you bring this up.. it would be a good idea to get "prayed up" and be prepared to hear some things that may sting a little... and Men... word of advise.. don't EVER use the word "hot" to describe anything but southern summers... spicy crawfish.. or YOUR wife... just a tip ;)
He preys on woman's desire to be desired... to be loved... to be wanted... to hold the eye of her man... to feel like the only woman in the world to her man.. He is constantly lying to men telling them that they need more.. what they have isn't enough... and he lies to women by telling them they aren't enough... will never be good enough... if only I looked like her.. then maybe I could hold his attention and he wouldn't notice the other women... Here is the truth: Men if you truly want to live a godly life.. to honor God with your thoughts.. to honor your woman.. or future woman... you are gonna be attracted to women... but it is possible to take every thought captive and through much prayer and practice of self-control overcome the bondage of lust.. I am so thankful that the Lord has blessed me with a husband that is open and trusts me enough to share his struggles... don't get me wrong ladies.. the first few conversations we had about his struggles as a man were not easy for me to swallow.. especially seeing as though I was deeply insecure at the time... but through these conversations.. God used Luke's openness to heal a lot of the insecurities that I had... as well as make us stronger because instead of him fighting this battle alone.. I stand beside him in support.. and I protect him as much as I can by being careful what is on our t.v. and what catalogs i leave laying around (ahem Victoria Secret).. The first time we had this conversation as far as I can remember I didn't handle it very well ... but with more explanation God opened my eyes and I understand a lot better what goes on in the mind of a man... and I cant tell you how precious it is that my husband trusts me to share that intimate part with me... I cant tell you how overcome with gratitude I am that my husband loves God and me more than his flesh... He loves and cares about honoring us.. He will attest to the say that God has brought him to a place where he sees women as sisters.. and that is by PRAYER and taking captive many thoughts... so young men be encouraged!!! If that is something you truly want to overcome and get control of... if the Holy Spirit resides in you, you have everything you need to live a holy and godly life! 2 Tim 1:7
Now ladies... on to you... the truth is... you will never be good enough... that's right.. there is always going to be someone more beautiful... thinner... younger... better dressed.. stop trying to look like that magazine cover because it isn't going to happen.. and just so you know.. the people on the magazine cover don't even look like the magazine cover... they may as well be looking at a comic strip of wonder woman BC it is fake... your beauty needs to come from Jesus. That desire to captivate your man... well I want to share with you that you do captivate someone.. and his name is Jesus... you are God's beautiful creation and you captivate him... stop trying to fill that void by attaining some status that doesn't even exist..
I have battled insecurity for so long on my appearance... mainly weight.. it was never enough.. "If i could just lose 5 more pounds.. then maybe I would feel desirable"... 5 more would go... and nope... still feel sucky.. it wasn't until I started praying that the Lord would let me see myself through his eyes that I began to truly "feel" beautiful... and I do.. I feel beautiful.. I am a "soft and jiggly" 111 lbs... 5 foot 4 (on a good day) with a pair of saggy boobies that have definitely seen better days thanks to breast feeding.. my work out used to consist of running 5 miles every day coupled with weight training.. and now it consists of running after a precious 3 year old little boy who is bursting with life coupled with lifting a 17 pound bundle of preciousness named Halle Noelle who has me enchanted.. and I feel more beautiful than I ever have.. because I have my Lord's attention.. He completes every empty part of me.. He is all I need... He made me.. and loves me.. and beloved sister.. He sees you the same.. so quit listening to that lie... let the Lord come in and fill that void you are chasing to fill with the latest diet... He is all you need.. and there is healing in Him.. He is all that can complete you. (1 Tim 2:9-10 Proverbs 31:30)
If you are married and reading this... I would encourage you to talk to your spouse about this with caution.. everyone is at different places.. he or she may not feel comfortable talking at first.. but make sure if they do open up about it you respond gently and be encouraging!!! if you get defensive your spouse more than likely wont feel safe to talk to about it anymore.. and that is not what you want. For anyone who knows me knows that I am feisty and when I am stung by the insecurity bug my first reaction is goes like this (hand on the hip) oh uh uh hunny... i get mad.. and defensive.. not good.. please ladies take my word for it.. before you bring this up.. it would be a good idea to get "prayed up" and be prepared to hear some things that may sting a little... and Men... word of advise.. don't EVER use the word "hot" to describe anything but southern summers... spicy crawfish.. or YOUR wife... just a tip ;)
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Agape
Well hey there whoever you are :) I guess this is my first post... first things first... I type like I think... fast. So if you are annoyed with run-on sentences and bad grammar... this isn't the place for you. But I hope you get over it and stick around.
Okay so for those of you who don't know... "Agape" is the Greek word for love. It is the word used in the Bible when it is referring to God's love for us. It is divine, unconditional, self-sacrificing, active, volitional, and thoughtful love. What better name could I have chosen :)
Let me say that the reason for this blog is not for me to share every sneeze, cough and burp of my life. The purpose of this blog is to share with others, the things that God Almighty is revealing to me in hopes that by me sharing, others will also share what is going on in their lives. I love people and have a genuine interest in their "story". I welcome opinions... criticisms.. whatever.. I am transparent.. an open book.. and I love it when others share themselves and let me read their "open book" as well.
I have spent some time talking with the Lord asking Him to help me to truly love Him more and others more. Let me be honest, in the past, people annoyed me. Let me be even more honest in saying they still do at times, however its different. Growing up the way I did left little patience for people's "humanness". It wasn't until God put a big o' mirror in front of my face that I realized "Hey I have a lot of that 'humaness' myself!" (imagine that) I believe in preacher talk that would be called being humbled. So after realizing how broken I was and how easily I can fall without my Savior... I began seeing others a little differently. Instead of being frustrated when I hear how they dropped the ball... my heart aches with them. Granted, it came from a place of wanting the best for my loved ones but I was all wrong. Every time I hear that old know-it-all creeping up... I remind myself "Melissa Gayle, it could have easily been you. Its only by the grace of God its not." So I pray for them and look for opportunity to be an encourager. With all of this being said, God has blessed me with a love and compassion for people.. the blessed.. the hurting.. the broken... the lost.. because when it comes down to it... we are all people.. we all are gonna be broken at one point or the other.. we are all going to face storms in this life... the difference is... some are walking through those storms by themselves.. holding on for dear life.. hoping to survive... and others are boldly walking through the storms.. holding the hand of the one who holds the world... beloved I pray you know those hands.
Okay so for those of you who don't know... "Agape" is the Greek word for love. It is the word used in the Bible when it is referring to God's love for us. It is divine, unconditional, self-sacrificing, active, volitional, and thoughtful love. What better name could I have chosen :)
Let me say that the reason for this blog is not for me to share every sneeze, cough and burp of my life. The purpose of this blog is to share with others, the things that God Almighty is revealing to me in hopes that by me sharing, others will also share what is going on in their lives. I love people and have a genuine interest in their "story". I welcome opinions... criticisms.. whatever.. I am transparent.. an open book.. and I love it when others share themselves and let me read their "open book" as well.
I have spent some time talking with the Lord asking Him to help me to truly love Him more and others more. Let me be honest, in the past, people annoyed me. Let me be even more honest in saying they still do at times, however its different. Growing up the way I did left little patience for people's "humanness". It wasn't until God put a big o' mirror in front of my face that I realized "Hey I have a lot of that 'humaness' myself!" (imagine that) I believe in preacher talk that would be called being humbled. So after realizing how broken I was and how easily I can fall without my Savior... I began seeing others a little differently. Instead of being frustrated when I hear how they dropped the ball... my heart aches with them. Granted, it came from a place of wanting the best for my loved ones but I was all wrong. Every time I hear that old know-it-all creeping up... I remind myself "Melissa Gayle, it could have easily been you. Its only by the grace of God its not." So I pray for them and look for opportunity to be an encourager. With all of this being said, God has blessed me with a love and compassion for people.. the blessed.. the hurting.. the broken... the lost.. because when it comes down to it... we are all people.. we all are gonna be broken at one point or the other.. we are all going to face storms in this life... the difference is... some are walking through those storms by themselves.. holding on for dear life.. hoping to survive... and others are boldly walking through the storms.. holding the hand of the one who holds the world... beloved I pray you know those hands.
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