Well, to answer the main question that I hear over and over and over again.. yes.. I'm still pregnant (As if the huge belly and butt did not give that one away). I will be 39 weeks tomorrow and feeling every bit of it.
Throughout this pregnancy I have prayed every day that the Lord would allow me to go into labor naturally and to deliver Ezra naturally. At 37 weeks I started having crazy contractions and they have not stopped yet so before each doctor visit I am thinking for sure that I am going to be making some progress. Well, I went to the doctor for my weekly check last Tuesday and I am still only 1 cm dilated. By this point, I was at least 3 or 4 cm dilated with my other two. So of course, to no surprise this leaves my mind flooded with the "what-ifs". What if my body doesn't respond as well as it did with the last two pregnancies? What if I go past my due date and I don't want to be induced? What if ... what if.. what if... blah blah blah. On top of that, many have wondered what is my big hurry to go into labor? Well, you see there is this precious little boy of mine who is starting school on Aug 15th and you better believe Mommy is not gonna miss a single second of it. Having Ezra a little early would allow our family time to adjust a little bit before we hop to to the next big transition.
So here I am, unknowingly, riddled with anxiety over the if, when and how. As I got in my truck and drove out of the hospital parking lot the Lord spoke so clearly to me. He reminded me of the theme throughout this pregnancy of His faithfulness. I became so convicted as I thought about the fact that from the moment I knew this little one was in my womb, God has given me such assurance and peace that he is perfectly healthy. I thought about the Choroid Plexus Cysts and how after prayer they all disappeared. I thought about his growth situation and how the Lord showed His hand by growing Ezra from the 15th percentile to the 56th percentile in one week! I could clearly hear him say, "Child, you have trusted me in all of this, are you going to doubt me now?" Wow. CON-VIC-TED. I am so thankful for each and every moment he has allowed me to face the uncertainties throughout this whole experience because through them, I have seen His hand. Regardless of what the outcome my God is faithful. I know that this child and his momma are in his hands.
Since then I have had my moments. I am one big flaming ball of hormones, which makes being steadfast even more challenging than normal, but His grace is sufficient in my weakness. Ive had a few crying fits alone with Him in prayer, pleading like a 4 year old to please, please just let me go into labor because I can't take anymore. As only my heavenly Father can do, He mercifully lets me get it all out and then speaks truth to my heart. And sometimes, okay a lot of times, when I continue to carry on and on He says to me "Be still child." Whereas, I quickly reply "Yes Sir" lol. I hear that a lot. He is so faithful and patient with us. I don't know what I would do without my sweet Jesus. This world couldn't handle me. I KNOW my dear husband is thankful for Him, otherwise he would be the one on the other end of these fits lol.
So I shall press on excitedly awaiting the arrival of our third little blessing. I can hardly wait but as of this second, the Lord is making me so I will walk in the grace He has supplied for this day, in complete joy and peace knowing- MY GOD IS FAITHFUL!
