It's Christmas time again. I love Christmas. I. Love. Christmas. It's purpose is to slow down and center our hearts on how amazingly awesome our God is, His magnificent rescue plan in sending Jesus wielding the sword of grace, piercing through the ugly heart of sin's master, satan.
Last year we celebrated Christmas and rang in the new year sporting the swine flu. That was loads of fun. I remember sitting in my bath tub trying to cry but couldn't really because it hurt so bad, and by it I mean everything. I was desperate for the Lord to bring healing to our whole family. I was reminded just how weak I am. How apart from His power I crumble. I was reminded of the grace he gives of being well every day. I over look that often.
Fast forward a year later and I'm pretty sure my sweet Halle is fighting the flu. Again. I began reflecting on the year in between our two flu experiences and let me just say, it's been a tough year. It's been hard. Not in a "poor-pitiful-me way", but in a "Wow, He has walked us through some fires" way.
As I sit here today these are the circumstances: I am 7 months pregnant with our 4th (thank you Lord), Luke has roughly 3 weeks to find another job which may or may not require a move, I don't know where we will live, where we will work, where I will give birth, where my oldest two will go to school. My baby girl has the flu and apparently the majority of our extended family views us as self-righteous zealots.
These circumstances pale in comparison to many others, but none the less, they are trying. Here is the craziest part of all of this: grace. I have never before felt so stripped, so low, so needy, so humbled in all my life. Yet there is joy. I have never been more confused and unsure of how this is all going to play out. Yet, there is peace. I have never before felt like every door we try to step towards gets slammed in our face. Yet, there is faith. All of these are gifts that make up the greatest gift we have as believers. Knowing Jesus. There is nothing else. We can strive, we can make a great plan, we can try our best to nail it but eventually this broken world happens and it will fail you. That place of "stripped bare" is where real freedom begins. It's here where all the talk of "Jesus is enough" becomes real. You can believe something with your mind, but until he walks you through it, your heart can't truly know it.
The beautiful part in all of this is we get more of Him. As the room gets colder and colder, we draw nearer and nearer to the fire. That is what this Christian Faith is about. It's not about keeping rules (praise God otherwise I woulda set sail long ago). It's at our weakest point, when our heart fail us, we cry out as longing children, desperate for our rescuer to help us- and He is FAITHFUL. Grace. It's all about His scandalous grace towards a weak, jacked up people that He cleanses and calls His own.
Whatever my lot, thou has taught me to say, it is well, it is well, with my soul. Just as long as I'm yours oh God, there is nothing else I need, there is nothing else this soul longs for.
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