Calvinism, Arminianism.... Labelism

I don't like labels. It seems that everywhere I go lately all I hear is the debate between Calvinism and Arminianism. While I firmly believe there is but ONE truth. It breaks my heart to see division within the body of Christ over labels. So for all who are curious about where Luke and I stand, here it is...

Do I believe that God is completely sovereign and that He calls who He wishes, absolutely! There is no way that you can read the scriptures and not believe that. If you don't agree, Paul lays it out much better than I ever could in Romans 9 and that's just one place. Scripture also says that He desires all to be saved and to come to the knowledge of truth. He is an absolute loving Father. He created love. But He is also just and His ways are so much higher than our ways. I believe that God's heart is always love, however He has a perfect will that ultimately will put His justice, mercy, grace, goodness and power on display for all the world to see. If you don't believe me then just ask yourself these questions. "If He is the One who is, who was, and who is to come then do I believe that He knows those who ultimately will spend eternity with him?" If you answer yes, then ask yourself, "If He knows those who are not His, then why did He choose to still create them?" The answer to this everytime is that He is sovereign, and the potter can make and do whatever He wishes. We can't truly worship in humility and complete reverence, a God that we chose from the religion buffet. If you belong to Him, it's because He chose you not vice versa. A common misbelief when it comes to election, is the belief that if one were to desire to know God then he couldnt because he wasnt a 'chosen one'. Lol thats nuts. If your heart desires to know Him, it is because He placed that desire in your heart and He is calling you to Him. We love because He first loved us. He owes us nothing and we owe him everything. If this makes you angry at me, sorry. I would encourage you to ask your own heart why this makes you so uncomfortable. If it's because it's different than what you grew up being taught, then I would say that's a good reason to get out the scriptures and seek the truth for yourself. Don't just trust what is handed to you from me, from your pastor or your parents. Seek the truth for yourself! Hold what you believe up against the Holy Word and see if it lines up.

I come from two very different spectrums in the religious world. I grew up charasmatic/baptist lol. This led to a very confused teenager being taught two different things. I remember the day I sat on my bed with my Bible in my lap. My heart and mind were riddled with confusion and frustration. I prayed that day for God to show me His truth. Not what I grew up hearing, not what anyone else's interpretation was. I wanted His heart. His truth. Nothing more, nothing less. Take this religion and tradition and give me Jesus. He has been so faithful to do so. I am not knocking any of these religions, I know some of the most godly folks who go to all kinds of different churches. That's why I hate labels. Someone says Baptist and you automatically think, stiff knecked, sunday school and hymnals. Someone says charasmatic and you automatically think pew jumpin' and speaking in tounges. I know this because I have been guilty of it! You may not like me, you may not agree with me that is okay, because I still love you :) but I will not accept any label but the one written on my forehead that says I belong to the King. We are called to love. You can take anyone on this planet, the more you get to know them, eventually you will find something that you disagree on. Let's not get lost in labels or in useless debates over which side of the fence eachother is on. Dig in His word and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal His truth to your heart. He is faithful to do so! I don't know about you but from what He has shown me so far, His heart is more beautiful than anything and I cant get enough of it!

Dear Ezra,

Ezra,
Yesterday afternoon Mommy went to the doctor and had an ultrasound to check your development.  It has been 19 weeks since God placed you in my womb.  So far your time in my tummy has been much easier than your big brother and sister.  I am praying that you are my 'peaceful' child ha!  From the moment I saw the positive sign on my pregnancy test, God has given me such a great peace about you.  I have not been anxious about your health or well-being and as I drove to my appointment yesterday, there was no difference.  My heart was filled with excitement to get to see you and how much you have grown.  After the ultrasound, I sat in the patient room waiting to see my doctor.  After she looked at your pictures, she came in and told me that you looked perfect except that you have what is called, Choroid plexus cysts on your brain.  She explained that this is weakly related to down syndrome however, they want to explore more just to be sure so she referred me to a specialist to get a level 2 ultrasound done.  Little one, all these things are just details and the only reason I am even sharing them is because Mommy wants you to know that even as I sat there and heard that there is a possibility that you could have a disability, our faithful Father graced your momma with so much peace that it even astounded me.  You see, earlier that morning, as I sat before the Lord, I asked Him to give me more faith and I knew as I prayed those words that it would come through something to do with your time in my womb.  The truth of it is, even if He allowed us to walk that road, He is faithful and He is good.  I believe with all of my heart that you are perfectly healthy, but even if you weren't, that would not change my love for you for a single second.  It would not make me disappointed or fearful because you, my darling, are fearfully and wonderfully made by our Father.  I loved you before He formed you.  Mommy prayed and asked our sweet Father to bless us with another little blessing and He said yes by giving us you.  I know that you are going to be a very special little boy.  I have a deep conviction that He is going to use you and your siblings in mighty ways.  I pray for you every day.  For your health, your journey into this world and most of all for God to place a strong desire and burning passion for Him in your heart.  You are so blessed by two very special siblings who are very excited to meet you.  Your big brother Elijah kisses my tummy and talks to you all the time.  Your big sister Halle thinks that I have named my belly button Ezra, ha, but I have no doubt when she understands she will be thrilled!  God has also blessed you with an amazing daddy who is already in love with you.  He works hard, laughs hard, prays hard and loves hard.  He has a deep love and a burning passion for Jesus and is bursting with excitement at any opportunity to teach you about Him.  We are so excited to meet you and watch you grow to be a man who reveres the King.  I have no doubt that you are perfect.  Not by any standards of this world, but by the standards of your Creator.  I am praying that when we go see this specialist Monday, that these cysts are gone and that it will be all for the glory of the Lord.  Already, your life is bringing Him praise and you haven't even taken your first breath.  I just want you to know that our Father is good and our Father is faithful.  It is Mommy and Daddy's greatest mission to live our lives in front of you children so to see the face of Jesus.  Although, we mess up time and time again, His mercy remains.  In these times of uncertainty, we have a hope that still holds firm and that is our hope in Jesus.  We have joy through tears and His word chases away all fear.  My sweet boy, He is more than my words could ever express so I am looking forward to the opportunity to show you day after day, trial after trial, who He is and what we have in Him.  I cant wait to see your sweet, precious face.  I cant wait to finally hold you in my arms.  I love you little boy and I am so honored to be your mommy. 
March 14, 2012

light shined on the accuser

I have always struggled with self condemnation and guilt.  Even when I know in my heart that I have done nothing wrong, I will make the problem my fault.  I can't stand it when someone has something against me.  You may think that is a good thing, because I did to.  But I am seeing that it can be a terrible thing.  Scripture clearly says that we should do our part to live at peace with everyone (Romans 12:8).  Also, not to offer sacrifices to God if your brother has something against you, but to go make things right with him first and then come offer your sacrifices to God (Matthew 5:23-24).  I believe it is imperative to examine our hearts and relationships.  Making sure there is no bitterness or hatred but only love.  When we do make mistakes and hurt others, we should be quick to hold ourselves accountable to the ones we hurt and also to the Father.  Likewise, when others hurt us we should be quick to forgive those who wrong us.
 In this circumstance I have soberly examined the situation and my heart and I know that I handled it the wisest way that I could but still that other person is angry with me.  Angry to the point of hating me, slandering my name and accusing me of all sorts of things that I know I am not guilty of.   I know that everything that I have done has been out of love and a desire to help.  I have peace in that. However, this past week I have felt this broad and confusing feeling of guilt.  As I sit at the feet of Jesus and place these feelings before him, He clearly reminds me of who it is that is accusing me. He isn't named the "Accuser" for nothing.  Jesus also reminds me that I stand guilt free in the shadow of His cross.  I am by NO means perfect.  I am reminded daily of this wretched flesh that I carry around with me.  But I know that in this specific situation that I have spoken truth.  That I have loved.  That I have been prayerful about my decisions.  In these things I rest.  Christ Jesus said "Blessed are you when people hate you and when they exclude you and revile you and spurn your name as evil, on account of the Son of Man!  Rejoice in that day, and leap for joy, for behold, your reward is great in heaven; for so their fathers did to the prophets."  The Accuser has been trying to steal my joy.  Does this situation hurt my heart? Yes.  Does it destroy me? Never.  Satan has tried for years to destroy me through the acts of others.  But what he needs to realize is those beautiful nail scared hands hold this woman's heart and there is NOTHING that can snatch me out of them (John 10:28)!  Covered by the blood of Jesus I stand innocent and free!
Revelation 12:10-11
'And I heard a loud voice in heaven saying, " Now the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God and the authority of His Christ have come, for the accuser of our brothers has been thrown down, who accuses them day and night before our God.  And they have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, for they loved not their lives even unto death."'

all this I will testify

I have looked evil in the eye and experienced the power in the name of Jesus
I have felt His loving arms of comfort wrap around me in my darkest hour
My heart has felt His healing hands weaving together the brokeness to create a beautiful masterpiece
I have heard His sweet voice whisper His truths into my heart when I was filled with doubt and despair
His hands bear the imprint of mine as He has held me so tightly throughout my time here (Isaiah 49:16)
I have felt His mighty arm lift me up to supply all strength to face trials that I never thought I could endure
I have felt the outpouring of His compassion and grace that has covered all my failures
I have stood on the faith He has placed in my heart to trust in Him alone
I have been struck down but by His mighty power NEVER am I destroyed
I have seen evil flee at His very name
I was a captive that He set free
I have felt His love cover me as He calls me child
I have felt His gentle hand wipe away my tears
He has filled me in abundance where I have experienced loss
I have felt His arms lift me high and carry me when these legs couldn't bare anymore
I have felt His joy in the dark
I have heard His voice calling, drawing this wandering heart back home
I have felt His fiery passion burn intensely within me

All this I will testify to.  I will never be silent for I know the One who calls me daughter and He alone is worthy.  No one or nothing can take this away.  I am humbled and thankful for every trial, every slap in my face, every back turned to me, every pierce of my heart, every time I have stumbled.  It is through all of these things that I can testify to who He is.  He is writing a beautiful story of rescue and redemption all for His glory.  I am overwhelmed with thankfulness that He has called me daughter. 

I am my beloveds and He is mine.

out of the drought, swimming in the living water!

Phew.  Where do I begin?  My intentions of writing this blog is to build an "alter" in remembrance of the journey I just walked.
Over the past two months (I'm guesstimating b/c its felt like months and months), I have struggled in desperation to understand the hole I have felt in my heart.  I have been so extremely blessed to have such an intimate relationship with Jesus.  I could never put into words the bond and the closeness that I have walked in with Him, especially over the past six years. He is my most intimate and best friend.  I just cant possibly put it into words.  Trying to do so leaves me scratching my head in frustration.  But I will say that I have felt His presence constantly in my day to day. Only on my face at His feet am I most vulnerable and raw.  I have known nothing else in my life.  There was a period of time in my adolescence where I walked in disobedience and boy did I suffer the consequences.  I could almost hear him saying "Child what are you doing? STOP IT!".  I finally did and never looked back.  Over the past few months its like that was gone.  The love for Him was still very much there and I knew he heard my prayers because His Word says so.  It has been a season where I felt He was nowhere to be found, yet I knew He was there if that makes any sense.  I examined my heart for unconfessed sin, I wondered if it was pregnancy hormones, I pleaded with Him to show me what it was so that I could confess, repent and feel His presence again.  I was left standing in a desert dying of thirst for Him, but could not find Him.  After I wasn't convicted of any unconfessed sin, I just said "This is when I have to stand on the truth, even when I don't feel it and trust that whatever this is will pass".  So I struggled through my prayers and reading His Word.  I felt like when I would go sit at the familiar feet of the one I know so well, its like He was so far and as if I didn't even know Him.  I have been so extremely frustrated.  It felt like the biggest part of me was gone. 
Tonight while I was taking a bath, I started thinking about all of these very knowledgeable and wise people.  Those that other Christians quote.  Those that stand in pulpits and bring the truth and write these books that everyone talks about.  I can often feel so inferior and insecure about my knowledge of the scripture in the shadow of these people.  And then it happened. I heard that sweet voice that I have longed to hear for months now.  "You know me and I am all you need." 2 Corinthians 10:12 says "...But when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding."  THANK YOU JESUS!  I realized that I had allowed myself to sink into an insecurity about all that I am not instead of resting in all that I am in Christ.  All of these materials are wonderful and so helpful in study, but we must not lose our first love and that is knowing and seeking the heart of Jesus.  At that moment its like His presence came flooding back and I immediately began to weep.  It was as though I was seeing my love that I had been apart from and missed so desperately.  Satan is crafty and slick, he studies us and is waiting for his opportunity to devour.  He knows that I recognize his voice when it is loud, but he had been whispering these lies to me for a while that has bred this insecurity that I had been walking in of who I was in Jesus.  Get the behind me!  He may be crafty but my GOD is FAITHFUL and His Word says NEVER will He leave me nor forsake me!  And He loves me too much to not speak that truth into me when He sees me struggling.  He is so good!
I was also reminded of the prayers that I prayed right before this disconnect happened.  I pleaded with the Lord to break my heart for his lost children.  In my life, I don't ever remember not knowing the Lord.  Although that is such a blessing, it has also made it difficult for me to sympathize with those who are lost.  I just don't get it.  I wanted that to change and knew that it needed to if I was ever going to be obedient in the great commission.  I believe with all my heart that by him allowing me to feel his absence, was an answer to that prayer.  I cannot imagine living life with an emptiness like that.  I know He was still with me b/c his word says that. However, I do believe he allowed me to feel like he wasn't to create in me a deeper compassion for those who walk in that emptiness.  I am so thankful that He answered that prayer.  I am so thankful He is back and like a child I am clinging with white knuckles to him.  I said aloud "Don't EVER do that again, please" lol.  Like one who has thirsted for months, I finally tasted the living water again.  If you are walking in that emptiness, I plead with you please please please call to Him.  There is no one or nothing like sweet Jesus.  Thank you Lord for loving this sheep to refine my heart and never let me out of your sight.  You have my heart forever.

John 6- Sovereignty

John 6

One could write books and books on all of the treasures found in John, chapter six.  It opens with Jesus feeding the five thousand, next scene is Jesus walking on water, and it ends with Christ’s riveting teaching on the bread of life which leads to the turning away of many of his disciples.  This chapter of John continuously echoes the sovereignty of God.

Sovereignty is something that many struggle with and has recently become a ‘hot topic’ in the church today.  The truth of it is this word makes people uncomfortable because we try to fit infinite, omniscient God into a pretty little box with a bow on it.  Make no mistake, He cannot be contained.  

In the portion of scripture where Jesus feeds the five thousand, Jesus asked Philip “Where are we to buy bread, so that these people may eat?”  Verse 6 says “He said this to test him, for he himself knew what he would do.”  I love this scene!  I am so thankful that our King has a sense of humor.  Just like Jesus knew how he was going to feed five thousand men, he also knew that Philip was going to look at him like he was crazy when he asked him this question.  I’m sure Jesus got a little chuckle and had somewhat of a winking “watch this” look about him when he then told his disciples to have the people sit down.   You see, it did not catch Jesus by surprise when he had five thousand extra mouths to feed that day.  After all, he was the same God who rained manna from heaven all those years before.  He is the same God who had provided food for those folks every other day of their lives.  Just as this did not catch Christ by surprise, nor do any of the trials that we face.  They may catch us by surprise, but God knows every single hiccup or catastrophe that we have faced and will face.  The book of Job shows us that as His children, all of those attacks have to go through him first and beloved, know that if He allows it, you better believe He will show himself faithful to carry you through it for His glory!

After the feeding of the five thousand, Jesus withdrew to the mountain by himself.  It says that evening, his disciples got into a boat and started across the sea to Capernaum.  Now, reading this I thought ‘’Why did his disciples leave him? That wasn’t very nice!  These are supposed to be his ‘boys’’’ In Matthews account it says that Jesus made the disciples go before him in the boat (Matt 14:22).  Okay, this made more sense to me now.  Once again, He had this planned all along.  Later that night Jesus comes walking up to them on the water to show He is in fact God’s Son.  I can just imagine those disciple’s faces.  In all the time they had spent in a boat, never had they had something like this happen!  I love how every single detail and instance of the miracles in Jesus’ ministry were planned before time.  The sovereignty of God is so cool yet so overwhelming to try to grasp.

The next portion of scripture we see Jesus teaching the crowds that He is the Bread of Life. Jesus speaks of the sovereignty of God when He says “I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst…. All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never cast out.” And “This is the will of him who sent me,  that I should lose nothing of all that he has given me, but raise it up on the last day”.  And again when He says “No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him”.  Verse 64 says “There are some of you who do not believe. (For Jesus knew from the beginning who those were who did not believe, and who it was who would betray him.)  And he said, ‘This is why I told you that no one can come to me unless it is granted him by the Father.’”  The truth is that we cannot even desire God on our own.  That desire, that draw alone comes from the Father because He knows those who are His before the creation of the world.  We cannot boast in anything but Christ alone.  This makes many uncomfortable when you look at the flip side of this truth and think ‘Why did God make those who are not his?’ you can also ask the question ‘Why did God create Judas?’  Judas still had a purpose, but Judas didn’t belong to God.   We cannot try to understand the mind of God with the mind of man and when we seek to do so is when we get in trouble.  We should seek after His heart and seek to be transformed into His hearts likeness but we have to understand that God will never fit into our box.  He is omniscient and loving, gracious and merciful, He is God alone. Amen.

It is well

'saying,"Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me.  Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done." And there appeared to him an angel from heaven, strengthening him.' Luke 22:42-43

These words jumped out at me as I opened the Word.  Seeing as though I just finished asking God, as He knows the outcome of the specific situation, to spare my heart if it was not ever to get better.  To spare my heart the pain that has ailed me my entire life.  I so desire to wrap it up, put a pretty bow on it and be done.  But God says no. I may not understand it entirely, but He has shown me that so much of the beauty He has made in my heart is a result of this pain.  He is using it to refine my heart of all  impurities and iniquities and for that I thank Him and welcome the storm.  Lord not my will, but yours, be done!  It's not wrong to want to be spared this pain, as Christ himself had that desire, but He was in full submission to the Father.  God did not spare Him, but He strengthened Him.  Because He didn't spare Him, I now can lift my head and hands in victory over these obstacles.  God may not spare my heart of this ongoing pain that haunts me, but He has given me strength to stand, strength to love, strength to forgive, victory over anger and I know there will come a day when I can finally put a bow on it and be done.  But I'm not home yet, and until then my heart will fully submit to His perfect will. 

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.
But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul!
And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.