Proverbs 16:33 The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the Lord.
Today many Americans will exercise one of the freedoms that many men have fought and died for, the right to vote in our Democracy. This is such a blessing, but along with this comes much fear, anxiety and anger for many people. What if my candidate doesn't get elected? Hatred towards the opposing party.. etc. etc. The bottom line is as believers, we are no longer citizens of this place. Our allegiance to the U.S. should never override our allegiance to God the Father. When fear and hatred start to creep in we need to turn the news off and examine our hearts as to who our allegiance is to. Scripture says that we are citizens with the saints and members of the household of God (Eph 2:19). Don't get me wrong, I'm a patriotic person, I love my country.. just not as much as my Jesus. We must understand that we are no longer a part of this world so no matter what the outcome is, our Father is in control, our KING is forever on the throne and he is well aware of what is taking place. He is sovereign over who wins this Presidency. My prayer is not "Lord, let my candidate win" but "Lord, let whatever needs to take place for your Kingdom to come to take place. Not my will but yours be done.". I do not wish to see our country perish or become a socialist country, however if that is a part of His plan in order for his Kingdom to come.. bring it on! Whether I wake in the morning with this country under new leadership, or under the same leadership (hopefully not) regardless my King is on the throne and I will walk boldly in faith and trust knowing that He has placed who HE wants in office for HIS plan to be fulfilled. Pray, vote and trust. Come Lord Jesus come!
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Saturday, August 11, 2012
EZRA's BIRTH STORY birth plan - no plan - His plan
August 7, 2012 our little Ezra said goodbye to my womb and hello to this world. I cannot even begin to express the joy and thankfulness that I feel in my heart. This has been such a unique pregnancy and his birth was no different!
Throughout this pregnancy I had specific things that I prayed for every day. I prayed that Ezra would be perfectly healthy and strong (with no colic, acid reflux or gas problems, been there done that). That he would have a heart of peace and a heart that burned with passion for the Lord. I prayed that he would be head down and face down with no cord issues or complications of any kind. That I could deliver vaginally and without any medication. That I would recover quickly and would not rip or tear (a little TMI, I know, but it's what I prayed!). I also prayed that I would go into labor naturally and that through the natural birth experience God would receive glory. Always ending with "Not my will but yours be done". My prayers were not in such a list form but more of a daily outpouring of my heart's desire in complete submission to His will. So here is how things went...
First of all, Elijah and Halle's deliveries were both induced and both with epidurals. So let me begin by saying I'm not a hard core natural birth hippie who looks down on others if they don't choose this route. My personal belief is that it is a personal decision and no one should look down or judge someone for something so silly. When I became pregnant with Ezra, I started to have the desire to go the natural route. So I began to pray about it and asked the Lord if he willed, to give me the strength and ability to experience it. I am very analytical by nature, but especially of my own feelings and desires. I asked myself "why?". Why do I want to do this? I had many reasons why and some I shared with others as they looked at me like I had 4 heads and some I didn't but I will lay them all out now. When I had my other two epidurals, I was unaware that the medicine crossed the placenta and went to the baby. Granted this is safe, obviously, but now knowing this, I had a hard time with it. This is coming from a woman who has to lose a limb before I take a Tylenol or anything that is considered safe during pregnancy. That's just how I am. I don't like taking medicine and I don't like not being in control of my body. I also hate being poked on and hooked up like a power strip. Another reason is I was very aware that this could be my last pregnancy and after talking to other women who did it naturally, I wanted to really experience the whole thing. When I would share with others that I may do it natural, some would tell me how crazy I am, how they didn't think I could do it and made other comments like that. Although I may not be a sensitive person when it comes to other people's opinions, I am an extremely passionate person about my belief that I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength. I knew with all of me that if He placed that desire in my heart then He would give me everything I needed to do it. So in my mind I would always say "Hide and watch!". I had to be very careful though, that my desire was not to prove myself, but for God to prove Himself through me. When God knitted me together, he placed something deep within me that loves a challenge. He has given me one life and at that end I don't want it to be said of me "She always took the easy way out". As I said before, this is not for Melissa's glory but for His namesake. His power is put on display when I am faced with challenges that He gives me the courage and strength to not back down from. I know this may seem totally crazy but as I said before it is a personal conviction. Lastly, I have always heard that childbirth is one of the most painful things women can experience. My other two deliveries were cake walks. I wanted to experience that pain and then at the end, have a deeper understanding and appreciation of what kind of pain my Jesus endured for me. Because compared to what He experienced, natural childbirth is nothing. (Now for the disclaimer: I do not condone people hurting themselves intentionally in search for love and appreciation for the cross that's something only God can give. It's a unique situation and a thought I had lol)
As I said previously, one of my prayers was that I would go into labor naturally. One of the reasons for this is in case you don't know, when you get induced with pitocin you are pretty much guaranteed to get an epidural. The reason is that the contractions are so much more intense, one can hardly stand it. For this reason, I had said the whole time that if I had to be induced I would most probably be getting an epidural. Well the days rolled on and still no baby. I would sit every afternoon in my rocker begging God to please just let me go into labor. I had contractions for three weeks that were not making any progress to my cervix. I was beginning to have thoughts that maybe it wasn't the Lord's will for me to have this experience, but I knew whatever the outcome I trusted Him and trusted that He had a reason. So my due date came and went and still no baby. I was huge, moody and trying my best to be patient and trust the Lord. Finally, after praying Luke and I decided that if I had not gone into labor on my own by Tuesday August 7, then that's the day I would go in to be induced. We both felt that this was the right decision. I went to the doctor that Monday and my cervix was dilated to a 3 and I was about 50% effaced. That was great news to us because before that I was stuck at a 1cm and no effacement. We praised the Lord for that news!
We spent Monday night with Granny and Papaw before we headed to the hospital at 5:00 am the next morning. I did not get much sleep from excitement. The last thing I remember before I took my 'nap' that night was talking to the Lord and reflecting over the past 10 months of this pregnancy. How throughout all of the different situations that came up He kept my mind in perfect peace. Isaiah 26:3 says "You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. This scripture carried me through all the unusual findings on the ultrasounds and all of the what ifs that ran through my head. God is good, God is faithful and I am His.
August 7, 2012 we arrive at the hospital. The whole ride there I tried to decipher through thoughts, nerves and excitement. "How is this thing going to go down? " "Lord, please let my body respond and do what it is suppose to." Just a few of the things racing through my head. Altogether I had an overwhelming feeling of uncertainty. I am such a planner and enjoy knowing what to "expect" but I totally had no idea. I assumed I would be getting an epidural but there was still an ounce of hope that I wouldn't have to.
After two hours of paperwork and questions I get all hooked up and my pitocin starts at 7:00 am. Here we go. It's go time. Shortly after Dr. Tynes comes in and breaks my water. She informs me that the reason I would not go into labor on my own is because there was so much amniotic fluid. As she broke my water she had to guide his head down into my pelvis. Praise the Lord for that unanswered prayer otherwise Mr. Wiggle worm could very possibly flipped and been breech!
A little time passes and I can feel my contractions begin to strengthen. My nurse Janice comes in and we begin talking. I told her that I originally wanted to go all natural but since I am having to be induced I assumed I would be getting an epidural. She encourages me and tells me that I can just take it one contraction at a time and see how it goes. No pressure either way. I looked over at Luke and I said "sounds good" and from that moment on that's just what we did. My birth plan became "no plan" and I was just gonna roll with it. She then increased my pitocin a little in order to get my contractions closer together.
About an hour later, my contractions are hurting pretty good, but I am breathing and humming through them. Janice checks me and I am 6 cm dilated and 75% effaced. I was making excellent progress (glory to God!). Luke asks her "At this point in labor, how are most women responding to the pain of contractions?" She said that at this stage most women are 'very ready' for an epidural and that I was doing wonderful to be at this stage. (This is the moment he says that he knew I was going to do it) He looks at me and says "Babe, you got this. If anyone can it's you." I said "I think you may think I'm stronger than I actually am lol.." He said "No, I know you, it's your decision but I know the strength the Lord has given you and there is no doubt you can do this." I said we will just see, I'm taking it one step at a time.
The contractions became pretty painful. My precious husband placed his hand on my knee with every contraction and would breathe with me. At one point he started humming and I barely opened my eyes and told him to stop it because he was making me laugh. Regardless of how much I'm hurting that man can always make me laugh! He is too much! I could sense every bit of his excitement and anticipation but also the calmness and steadiness he had. It brought me so much comfort and peace. Another thing I would ask the Lord is if he did allow me to birth naturally, that it would bless our marriage. That it would be an amazing experience for Luke and I and something that would bring us even closer to one another and closer to the Him. With every second and every contraction, I could feel the Lord answering that prayer. As I felt the comforting hand of my sweet husband and heard the encouraging words that he would whisper to me, as he read me my scripture note cards to help keep my mind stayed on the Lord, I knew the Lord was blessing us tremendously. This is when I knew that everything I had asked, He was making a way like only He can. When we let go of our plans and just trust him with each second.
Janice comes in around 10:20 and checks me. I am now 8 cm and 80% effaced. She calls another nurse in to start prepping the room. I asked her if I was about to start pushing and she said no, she's just gonna bring in all the supplies. My dad then walks in and starts talking to us, all of the sudden I get this major pain and start moaning. I look at Janice and say "I feel like I need to poop!" She comes and checks me and says "No, you're about to have a baby!" She quickly calls Dr. Tynes and tells me to just breathe. That room went from calm to crazy in one second. Beds start breaking down, sheets start flying, stuff is beeping and I'm just saying "I need to push!" over and over. Dr. Tynes comes flying in, throws on her gown and I start pushing. Luke is holding one knee and I'm holding the other. My mind is thinking "Oh my goodness, this is happening!" I push out his head, and then proceed to say "Oh my goodness that hurt!" One more big push and my little boy is laying on my chest. I am just absolutely overwhelmed. Luke just keeps saying "You did it! He's here! " and "I cant believe that just happened!" Tears are flowing. Dr. Tynes says "No rips or tears!" I raise my hand to the sky and say "Glory to God!" "He has answered all my prayers!" and in that moment I just stop and say to everyone in the room just what all I had asked and what all God had given and I gave Him all thanks! Ezra Daniel Richardson was born August 7, 2012 at 10:45 am 7lbs 4 oz 20 inches long :)
After the birth, I was a little sore but not enough to need any Motrin or pain meds. I have felt great and am feeling better every day. Thank you Lord.
I am so thankful that the Lord has seen it fit to bless Luke and I with yet another little soul to love and shepherd. I'm so thankful for Him allowing me to see His face that day and each time I stare into the face of my husband and children. I'm thankful to experience yet another spiritual marker that taught me so much and built my faith even more. With each turn of this life, the Lord continues to blow me away. My heart longs to know Him more, to be more like Him, to love Him more, and to be used to bring Him glory. Whether it be through pain or joy. Lord, blessed be your name. To you, Oh Lord, be all glory, honor and praise.
"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you." Isaiah 26:3
Throughout this pregnancy I had specific things that I prayed for every day. I prayed that Ezra would be perfectly healthy and strong (with no colic, acid reflux or gas problems, been there done that). That he would have a heart of peace and a heart that burned with passion for the Lord. I prayed that he would be head down and face down with no cord issues or complications of any kind. That I could deliver vaginally and without any medication. That I would recover quickly and would not rip or tear (a little TMI, I know, but it's what I prayed!). I also prayed that I would go into labor naturally and that through the natural birth experience God would receive glory. Always ending with "Not my will but yours be done". My prayers were not in such a list form but more of a daily outpouring of my heart's desire in complete submission to His will. So here is how things went...
First of all, Elijah and Halle's deliveries were both induced and both with epidurals. So let me begin by saying I'm not a hard core natural birth hippie who looks down on others if they don't choose this route. My personal belief is that it is a personal decision and no one should look down or judge someone for something so silly. When I became pregnant with Ezra, I started to have the desire to go the natural route. So I began to pray about it and asked the Lord if he willed, to give me the strength and ability to experience it. I am very analytical by nature, but especially of my own feelings and desires. I asked myself "why?". Why do I want to do this? I had many reasons why and some I shared with others as they looked at me like I had 4 heads and some I didn't but I will lay them all out now. When I had my other two epidurals, I was unaware that the medicine crossed the placenta and went to the baby. Granted this is safe, obviously, but now knowing this, I had a hard time with it. This is coming from a woman who has to lose a limb before I take a Tylenol or anything that is considered safe during pregnancy. That's just how I am. I don't like taking medicine and I don't like not being in control of my body. I also hate being poked on and hooked up like a power strip. Another reason is I was very aware that this could be my last pregnancy and after talking to other women who did it naturally, I wanted to really experience the whole thing. When I would share with others that I may do it natural, some would tell me how crazy I am, how they didn't think I could do it and made other comments like that. Although I may not be a sensitive person when it comes to other people's opinions, I am an extremely passionate person about my belief that I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength. I knew with all of me that if He placed that desire in my heart then He would give me everything I needed to do it. So in my mind I would always say "Hide and watch!". I had to be very careful though, that my desire was not to prove myself, but for God to prove Himself through me. When God knitted me together, he placed something deep within me that loves a challenge. He has given me one life and at that end I don't want it to be said of me "She always took the easy way out". As I said before, this is not for Melissa's glory but for His namesake. His power is put on display when I am faced with challenges that He gives me the courage and strength to not back down from. I know this may seem totally crazy but as I said before it is a personal conviction. Lastly, I have always heard that childbirth is one of the most painful things women can experience. My other two deliveries were cake walks. I wanted to experience that pain and then at the end, have a deeper understanding and appreciation of what kind of pain my Jesus endured for me. Because compared to what He experienced, natural childbirth is nothing. (Now for the disclaimer: I do not condone people hurting themselves intentionally in search for love and appreciation for the cross that's something only God can give. It's a unique situation and a thought I had lol)
As I said previously, one of my prayers was that I would go into labor naturally. One of the reasons for this is in case you don't know, when you get induced with pitocin you are pretty much guaranteed to get an epidural. The reason is that the contractions are so much more intense, one can hardly stand it. For this reason, I had said the whole time that if I had to be induced I would most probably be getting an epidural. Well the days rolled on and still no baby. I would sit every afternoon in my rocker begging God to please just let me go into labor. I had contractions for three weeks that were not making any progress to my cervix. I was beginning to have thoughts that maybe it wasn't the Lord's will for me to have this experience, but I knew whatever the outcome I trusted Him and trusted that He had a reason. So my due date came and went and still no baby. I was huge, moody and trying my best to be patient and trust the Lord. Finally, after praying Luke and I decided that if I had not gone into labor on my own by Tuesday August 7, then that's the day I would go in to be induced. We both felt that this was the right decision. I went to the doctor that Monday and my cervix was dilated to a 3 and I was about 50% effaced. That was great news to us because before that I was stuck at a 1cm and no effacement. We praised the Lord for that news!
We spent Monday night with Granny and Papaw before we headed to the hospital at 5:00 am the next morning. I did not get much sleep from excitement. The last thing I remember before I took my 'nap' that night was talking to the Lord and reflecting over the past 10 months of this pregnancy. How throughout all of the different situations that came up He kept my mind in perfect peace. Isaiah 26:3 says "You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. This scripture carried me through all the unusual findings on the ultrasounds and all of the what ifs that ran through my head. God is good, God is faithful and I am His.
August 7, 2012 we arrive at the hospital. The whole ride there I tried to decipher through thoughts, nerves and excitement. "How is this thing going to go down? " "Lord, please let my body respond and do what it is suppose to." Just a few of the things racing through my head. Altogether I had an overwhelming feeling of uncertainty. I am such a planner and enjoy knowing what to "expect" but I totally had no idea. I assumed I would be getting an epidural but there was still an ounce of hope that I wouldn't have to.
After two hours of paperwork and questions I get all hooked up and my pitocin starts at 7:00 am. Here we go. It's go time. Shortly after Dr. Tynes comes in and breaks my water. She informs me that the reason I would not go into labor on my own is because there was so much amniotic fluid. As she broke my water she had to guide his head down into my pelvis. Praise the Lord for that unanswered prayer otherwise Mr. Wiggle worm could very possibly flipped and been breech!
A little time passes and I can feel my contractions begin to strengthen. My nurse Janice comes in and we begin talking. I told her that I originally wanted to go all natural but since I am having to be induced I assumed I would be getting an epidural. She encourages me and tells me that I can just take it one contraction at a time and see how it goes. No pressure either way. I looked over at Luke and I said "sounds good" and from that moment on that's just what we did. My birth plan became "no plan" and I was just gonna roll with it. She then increased my pitocin a little in order to get my contractions closer together.
About an hour later, my contractions are hurting pretty good, but I am breathing and humming through them. Janice checks me and I am 6 cm dilated and 75% effaced. I was making excellent progress (glory to God!). Luke asks her "At this point in labor, how are most women responding to the pain of contractions?" She said that at this stage most women are 'very ready' for an epidural and that I was doing wonderful to be at this stage. (This is the moment he says that he knew I was going to do it) He looks at me and says "Babe, you got this. If anyone can it's you." I said "I think you may think I'm stronger than I actually am lol.." He said "No, I know you, it's your decision but I know the strength the Lord has given you and there is no doubt you can do this." I said we will just see, I'm taking it one step at a time.
The contractions became pretty painful. My precious husband placed his hand on my knee with every contraction and would breathe with me. At one point he started humming and I barely opened my eyes and told him to stop it because he was making me laugh. Regardless of how much I'm hurting that man can always make me laugh! He is too much! I could sense every bit of his excitement and anticipation but also the calmness and steadiness he had. It brought me so much comfort and peace. Another thing I would ask the Lord is if he did allow me to birth naturally, that it would bless our marriage. That it would be an amazing experience for Luke and I and something that would bring us even closer to one another and closer to the Him. With every second and every contraction, I could feel the Lord answering that prayer. As I felt the comforting hand of my sweet husband and heard the encouraging words that he would whisper to me, as he read me my scripture note cards to help keep my mind stayed on the Lord, I knew the Lord was blessing us tremendously. This is when I knew that everything I had asked, He was making a way like only He can. When we let go of our plans and just trust him with each second.
Janice comes in around 10:20 and checks me. I am now 8 cm and 80% effaced. She calls another nurse in to start prepping the room. I asked her if I was about to start pushing and she said no, she's just gonna bring in all the supplies. My dad then walks in and starts talking to us, all of the sudden I get this major pain and start moaning. I look at Janice and say "I feel like I need to poop!" She comes and checks me and says "No, you're about to have a baby!" She quickly calls Dr. Tynes and tells me to just breathe. That room went from calm to crazy in one second. Beds start breaking down, sheets start flying, stuff is beeping and I'm just saying "I need to push!" over and over. Dr. Tynes comes flying in, throws on her gown and I start pushing. Luke is holding one knee and I'm holding the other. My mind is thinking "Oh my goodness, this is happening!" I push out his head, and then proceed to say "Oh my goodness that hurt!" One more big push and my little boy is laying on my chest. I am just absolutely overwhelmed. Luke just keeps saying "You did it! He's here! " and "I cant believe that just happened!" Tears are flowing. Dr. Tynes says "No rips or tears!" I raise my hand to the sky and say "Glory to God!" "He has answered all my prayers!" and in that moment I just stop and say to everyone in the room just what all I had asked and what all God had given and I gave Him all thanks! Ezra Daniel Richardson was born August 7, 2012 at 10:45 am 7lbs 4 oz 20 inches long :)
After the birth, I was a little sore but not enough to need any Motrin or pain meds. I have felt great and am feeling better every day. Thank you Lord.
I am so thankful that the Lord has seen it fit to bless Luke and I with yet another little soul to love and shepherd. I'm so thankful for Him allowing me to see His face that day and each time I stare into the face of my husband and children. I'm thankful to experience yet another spiritual marker that taught me so much and built my faith even more. With each turn of this life, the Lord continues to blow me away. My heart longs to know Him more, to be more like Him, to love Him more, and to be used to bring Him glory. Whether it be through pain or joy. Lord, blessed be your name. To you, Oh Lord, be all glory, honor and praise.
"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you." Isaiah 26:3
Friday, July 27, 2012
39 weeks tomorrow
Well, to answer the main question that I hear over and over and over again.. yes.. I'm still pregnant (As if the huge belly and butt did not give that one away). I will be 39 weeks tomorrow and feeling every bit of it.
Throughout this pregnancy I have prayed every day that the Lord would allow me to go into labor naturally and to deliver Ezra naturally. At 37 weeks I started having crazy contractions and they have not stopped yet so before each doctor visit I am thinking for sure that I am going to be making some progress. Well, I went to the doctor for my weekly check last Tuesday and I am still only 1 cm dilated. By this point, I was at least 3 or 4 cm dilated with my other two. So of course, to no surprise this leaves my mind flooded with the "what-ifs". What if my body doesn't respond as well as it did with the last two pregnancies? What if I go past my due date and I don't want to be induced? What if ... what if.. what if... blah blah blah. On top of that, many have wondered what is my big hurry to go into labor? Well, you see there is this precious little boy of mine who is starting school on Aug 15th and you better believe Mommy is not gonna miss a single second of it. Having Ezra a little early would allow our family time to adjust a little bit before we hop to to the next big transition.
So here I am, unknowingly, riddled with anxiety over the if, when and how. As I got in my truck and drove out of the hospital parking lot the Lord spoke so clearly to me. He reminded me of the theme throughout this pregnancy of His faithfulness. I became so convicted as I thought about the fact that from the moment I knew this little one was in my womb, God has given me such assurance and peace that he is perfectly healthy. I thought about the Choroid Plexus Cysts and how after prayer they all disappeared. I thought about his growth situation and how the Lord showed His hand by growing Ezra from the 15th percentile to the 56th percentile in one week! I could clearly hear him say, "Child, you have trusted me in all of this, are you going to doubt me now?" Wow. CON-VIC-TED. I am so thankful for each and every moment he has allowed me to face the uncertainties throughout this whole experience because through them, I have seen His hand. Regardless of what the outcome my God is faithful. I know that this child and his momma are in his hands.
Since then I have had my moments. I am one big flaming ball of hormones, which makes being steadfast even more challenging than normal, but His grace is sufficient in my weakness. Ive had a few crying fits alone with Him in prayer, pleading like a 4 year old to please, please just let me go into labor because I can't take anymore. As only my heavenly Father can do, He mercifully lets me get it all out and then speaks truth to my heart. And sometimes, okay a lot of times, when I continue to carry on and on He says to me "Be still child." Whereas, I quickly reply "Yes Sir" lol. I hear that a lot. He is so faithful and patient with us. I don't know what I would do without my sweet Jesus. This world couldn't handle me. I KNOW my dear husband is thankful for Him, otherwise he would be the one on the other end of these fits lol.
So I shall press on excitedly awaiting the arrival of our third little blessing. I can hardly wait but as of this second, the Lord is making me so I will walk in the grace He has supplied for this day, in complete joy and peace knowing- MY GOD IS FAITHFUL!
Throughout this pregnancy I have prayed every day that the Lord would allow me to go into labor naturally and to deliver Ezra naturally. At 37 weeks I started having crazy contractions and they have not stopped yet so before each doctor visit I am thinking for sure that I am going to be making some progress. Well, I went to the doctor for my weekly check last Tuesday and I am still only 1 cm dilated. By this point, I was at least 3 or 4 cm dilated with my other two. So of course, to no surprise this leaves my mind flooded with the "what-ifs". What if my body doesn't respond as well as it did with the last two pregnancies? What if I go past my due date and I don't want to be induced? What if ... what if.. what if... blah blah blah. On top of that, many have wondered what is my big hurry to go into labor? Well, you see there is this precious little boy of mine who is starting school on Aug 15th and you better believe Mommy is not gonna miss a single second of it. Having Ezra a little early would allow our family time to adjust a little bit before we hop to to the next big transition.
So here I am, unknowingly, riddled with anxiety over the if, when and how. As I got in my truck and drove out of the hospital parking lot the Lord spoke so clearly to me. He reminded me of the theme throughout this pregnancy of His faithfulness. I became so convicted as I thought about the fact that from the moment I knew this little one was in my womb, God has given me such assurance and peace that he is perfectly healthy. I thought about the Choroid Plexus Cysts and how after prayer they all disappeared. I thought about his growth situation and how the Lord showed His hand by growing Ezra from the 15th percentile to the 56th percentile in one week! I could clearly hear him say, "Child, you have trusted me in all of this, are you going to doubt me now?" Wow. CON-VIC-TED. I am so thankful for each and every moment he has allowed me to face the uncertainties throughout this whole experience because through them, I have seen His hand. Regardless of what the outcome my God is faithful. I know that this child and his momma are in his hands.
Since then I have had my moments. I am one big flaming ball of hormones, which makes being steadfast even more challenging than normal, but His grace is sufficient in my weakness. Ive had a few crying fits alone with Him in prayer, pleading like a 4 year old to please, please just let me go into labor because I can't take anymore. As only my heavenly Father can do, He mercifully lets me get it all out and then speaks truth to my heart. And sometimes, okay a lot of times, when I continue to carry on and on He says to me "Be still child." Whereas, I quickly reply "Yes Sir" lol. I hear that a lot. He is so faithful and patient with us. I don't know what I would do without my sweet Jesus. This world couldn't handle me. I KNOW my dear husband is thankful for Him, otherwise he would be the one on the other end of these fits lol.
So I shall press on excitedly awaiting the arrival of our third little blessing. I can hardly wait but as of this second, the Lord is making me so I will walk in the grace He has supplied for this day, in complete joy and peace knowing- MY GOD IS FAITHFUL!
Saturday, June 23, 2012
rantings of a ticked off mama
We took the kids to see the new Disney Pixar movie Brave today. Movie was cute but I have to say what left the most impression upon my heart were the previews. First of all, all of the upcoming children's movie's were about darkness and death. As Luke and I kept exchanging glances, my heart could not help but remember what scripture says about the times that we are embarking on. Desensitising our youth to the reality of darkness by exposing them to vampires, ghosts and other such things that is portrayed in a funny light. Believe me, I have stared darkness in the face and there is nothing funny or cute about it.
Then comes the kicker, Katy Perry's upcoming movie about her life. It begins by explaining how poor Katy was raised in a Christian home that held her down until she broke free and found her own voice. First of all, anyone who prances around on stage in a swim suit twirling lollipops is not what I would deem of sound mind. Honestly, I would love to say that my first reaction was that I was filled with compassion for poor Katy but it wasn't. I was ticked. I was ticked for my children and every other pair of innocent eyes sitting in that theater who came to see a "family" movie was getting this crap shoved down their throat. I am angry at the lie that the enemy is constantly feeding our youth. I am angry that I can no longer go to the movies with my children without being bombarded with inappropriate anti-Jesus lies. The lines that used to be blurry, aren't so blurry anymore. The line is clearly drawn and it is time that we as ambassadors of Christ guard our children's hearts and minds from these lies.
Turn on the t.v., radio or any other media source and this is what our children are being told: Our boys are taught to lust after women, give themselves away to as many as they can because that is what gives them their worth. Make as much money as you can because you are only worth the amount in your bank account. Our little girls are taught to dress provocatively because your value comes from as many looks as you get. You're never good enough. Your worth is found in the size of you bra and blue jeans. Little girls giving away their bodies looking for the security that they are missing in their homes. This is a travesty! I know these lies because I once believed them! This makes me ANGRY!
Katy Perry's so called voice that she has found is pouring out of the speakers and into the hearts of our children all over the world. Well Miss Perry, I know one little girl who will not be listening to your crap. You paint the picture of Christians being weak, close-minded fools. Well you are a puppet of the enemy, being used to spread the same lie that he has been spreading for a while. My heart breaks for you because you are the one who is blind and in captivity by the enemy as a tool for his deceptive plan. My anger is not at you, but at your king.
As Lecrea put it best, you want to be a real rebel, read your Bible and follow Jesus because no one is doing that these days. Go against what the world says you must be in order to find worth and find your confidence in Christ. Jesus was the ultimate rebel, renegade and outlaw. He loved, he rebuked, he spoke the truth without fear, he died and overcame death! That is MY JESUS! That is who I am following! And He is coming back with a tattoo on his thigh and a sword from his mouth to complete his rescue plan and put an end to the lies once and for all. That is my Jesus! That is my King! The King of Kings!
Then comes the kicker, Katy Perry's upcoming movie about her life. It begins by explaining how poor Katy was raised in a Christian home that held her down until she broke free and found her own voice. First of all, anyone who prances around on stage in a swim suit twirling lollipops is not what I would deem of sound mind. Honestly, I would love to say that my first reaction was that I was filled with compassion for poor Katy but it wasn't. I was ticked. I was ticked for my children and every other pair of innocent eyes sitting in that theater who came to see a "family" movie was getting this crap shoved down their throat. I am angry at the lie that the enemy is constantly feeding our youth. I am angry that I can no longer go to the movies with my children without being bombarded with inappropriate anti-Jesus lies. The lines that used to be blurry, aren't so blurry anymore. The line is clearly drawn and it is time that we as ambassadors of Christ guard our children's hearts and minds from these lies.
Turn on the t.v., radio or any other media source and this is what our children are being told: Our boys are taught to lust after women, give themselves away to as many as they can because that is what gives them their worth. Make as much money as you can because you are only worth the amount in your bank account. Our little girls are taught to dress provocatively because your value comes from as many looks as you get. You're never good enough. Your worth is found in the size of you bra and blue jeans. Little girls giving away their bodies looking for the security that they are missing in their homes. This is a travesty! I know these lies because I once believed them! This makes me ANGRY!
Katy Perry's so called voice that she has found is pouring out of the speakers and into the hearts of our children all over the world. Well Miss Perry, I know one little girl who will not be listening to your crap. You paint the picture of Christians being weak, close-minded fools. Well you are a puppet of the enemy, being used to spread the same lie that he has been spreading for a while. My heart breaks for you because you are the one who is blind and in captivity by the enemy as a tool for his deceptive plan. My anger is not at you, but at your king.
As Lecrea put it best, you want to be a real rebel, read your Bible and follow Jesus because no one is doing that these days. Go against what the world says you must be in order to find worth and find your confidence in Christ. Jesus was the ultimate rebel, renegade and outlaw. He loved, he rebuked, he spoke the truth without fear, he died and overcame death! That is MY JESUS! That is who I am following! And He is coming back with a tattoo on his thigh and a sword from his mouth to complete his rescue plan and put an end to the lies once and for all. That is my Jesus! That is my King! The King of Kings!
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Dear Ezra (again),
My sweet Ezra,
Little one you are already bringing the Lord so much glory and you have yet to take your first breath! Last Thursday(June 14) I went to see you on our big 32 week ultrasound. I caught a glimpse of your sweet little face but you still wouldn't show the whole thing. I guess you are keeping your good looks a surprise until they lay you on my chest. They did say that you have hair so I am very excited to see how much! According to my heart burn you should come out looking like Fabio, but lets hope not lol.
After the ultrasound I went into the rfoom to see my doctor. She had some concerns because you went from being in the 50th percentile in size to the 15th percentile. You weighed 3.15 lbs. which was not much of an increase since your last measurements. She was concerned that since your growth rate had slowed so much that something may be wrong with the placenta and she told me to cut my activity in half and increase my calorie intake. If your growth continued to slow then I would have to be on strict bed rest and would probably have to be induced early because if the placenta was bad then you would, in essence, be starving in my womb. She sent me back to see the specialist in a week for a further look. Well, needless to say, that was not the news mommy wanted to hear. I immediately began getting pounded by the enemy with feelings of guilt for not resting more and eating 'too healthy'. Thankfully, after talking to your daddy he called that stupid devil out pretty quickly and spoke wisdom and life into my heart.
The first day I was just sad feeling and went home and slept. After the clouds in my mind cleared, I knew that this was another opportunity for me to believe the gospel over my flesh. I had prayed for you every day, and from the moment he placed your little being in my womb, He has given me a peace that you were going to be completely healthy. When you had the cysts on your brain, I knew you were okay and this time was no different. As I sat at his feet, he poured out his presence on me. My heart laid bare before him, I asked him to once again make you completely healthy. You are his creation, not mine. I asked him to forgive my moments of doubt, and told him that I believe with all my heart that you are going to be perfectly healthy. Not because of some magical prayer I have prayed, but because I felt that that was His will from the beginning. But no matter what the outcome I trust Him. I asked him to speak to my heart and give me ears to hear exactly what he wanted to say to my heart. As I opened his word he led me to Mark 11:24 "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." I knew that was exactly what He wanted to say. Not because of any amount of faith I could conjure up, but only because the Holy Spirit in me knows the will of God and it was in agreement with every prayer that I had lifted up for you. Because any faith that I have is only there because God has given it to me. Because my health, and your health is not the highlight of this story. Regardless of the outcome, through tears or joy, my hearts desire is for His perfect will to be done.. because it's just that.. perfect. This story is not about me or my family. It's about Him. To display his infinite power, mercy, love and grace in a story called the gospel and I am just so blessed to get to be a part of it. Thank you Jesus for those sweet words. From that moment on, any opportunity for fear or doubt was completely cast out and I walked in complete peace and freedom knowing that my Daddy's got this.
Well today has been a week since I received that news. I woke up this morning with the song "Your Love Never Fails" stuck in my head. I worshipped all the way to the specialists office. As your Daddy and I sat in there and the ultrasound tech began to perform the scan, we noticed that she seemed to be taking the measurements over and over of your belly and your head. After measuring at least 3 or 4 times she said very puzzled "Well, I am measuring him to be 5 and a half pounds, I have measured many times to make sure it was accurate but according to this he has gained a pound and a half in a week which would put him in the 56th percentile". So in the matter of one week you went from the 15th percentile to the 56th which is unheard of! Needless to say, I could not stop laughing! I looked over at your daddy and we both had the biggest grin on our faces and immediately began giving God glory! Little one, you are already being used to bring the King glory. He is the God of the unexplainable! I am overwhelmed with excitement to see in what other ways He is going to put His glory on display in your little life! I am so thankful to be your mommy Ezra Daniel. I cannot wait to see your sweet little face, kiss your chubby cheeks and look into the eyes of an answered prayer. Each child God has graced your daddy and I with, has been an answer to a specific prayer. You each were asked specifically for and he has displayed an outpouring of his love and power through each of you. Don't ever question the greatness of our God. Don't ever doubt His power and goodness not matter what circumstances you may face in your life. I pray that you love Him with every fiber of your little being and that you chase after him with reckless abandon. There is nothing like Him sweet one.
Isaiah 26:3-4
"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord is an everlasting rock."
Little one you are already bringing the Lord so much glory and you have yet to take your first breath! Last Thursday(June 14) I went to see you on our big 32 week ultrasound. I caught a glimpse of your sweet little face but you still wouldn't show the whole thing. I guess you are keeping your good looks a surprise until they lay you on my chest. They did say that you have hair so I am very excited to see how much! According to my heart burn you should come out looking like Fabio, but lets hope not lol.
After the ultrasound I went into the rfoom to see my doctor. She had some concerns because you went from being in the 50th percentile in size to the 15th percentile. You weighed 3.15 lbs. which was not much of an increase since your last measurements. She was concerned that since your growth rate had slowed so much that something may be wrong with the placenta and she told me to cut my activity in half and increase my calorie intake. If your growth continued to slow then I would have to be on strict bed rest and would probably have to be induced early because if the placenta was bad then you would, in essence, be starving in my womb. She sent me back to see the specialist in a week for a further look. Well, needless to say, that was not the news mommy wanted to hear. I immediately began getting pounded by the enemy with feelings of guilt for not resting more and eating 'too healthy'. Thankfully, after talking to your daddy he called that stupid devil out pretty quickly and spoke wisdom and life into my heart.
The first day I was just sad feeling and went home and slept. After the clouds in my mind cleared, I knew that this was another opportunity for me to believe the gospel over my flesh. I had prayed for you every day, and from the moment he placed your little being in my womb, He has given me a peace that you were going to be completely healthy. When you had the cysts on your brain, I knew you were okay and this time was no different. As I sat at his feet, he poured out his presence on me. My heart laid bare before him, I asked him to once again make you completely healthy. You are his creation, not mine. I asked him to forgive my moments of doubt, and told him that I believe with all my heart that you are going to be perfectly healthy. Not because of some magical prayer I have prayed, but because I felt that that was His will from the beginning. But no matter what the outcome I trust Him. I asked him to speak to my heart and give me ears to hear exactly what he wanted to say to my heart. As I opened his word he led me to Mark 11:24 "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." I knew that was exactly what He wanted to say. Not because of any amount of faith I could conjure up, but only because the Holy Spirit in me knows the will of God and it was in agreement with every prayer that I had lifted up for you. Because any faith that I have is only there because God has given it to me. Because my health, and your health is not the highlight of this story. Regardless of the outcome, through tears or joy, my hearts desire is for His perfect will to be done.. because it's just that.. perfect. This story is not about me or my family. It's about Him. To display his infinite power, mercy, love and grace in a story called the gospel and I am just so blessed to get to be a part of it. Thank you Jesus for those sweet words. From that moment on, any opportunity for fear or doubt was completely cast out and I walked in complete peace and freedom knowing that my Daddy's got this.
Well today has been a week since I received that news. I woke up this morning with the song "Your Love Never Fails" stuck in my head. I worshipped all the way to the specialists office. As your Daddy and I sat in there and the ultrasound tech began to perform the scan, we noticed that she seemed to be taking the measurements over and over of your belly and your head. After measuring at least 3 or 4 times she said very puzzled "Well, I am measuring him to be 5 and a half pounds, I have measured many times to make sure it was accurate but according to this he has gained a pound and a half in a week which would put him in the 56th percentile". So in the matter of one week you went from the 15th percentile to the 56th which is unheard of! Needless to say, I could not stop laughing! I looked over at your daddy and we both had the biggest grin on our faces and immediately began giving God glory! Little one, you are already being used to bring the King glory. He is the God of the unexplainable! I am overwhelmed with excitement to see in what other ways He is going to put His glory on display in your little life! I am so thankful to be your mommy Ezra Daniel. I cannot wait to see your sweet little face, kiss your chubby cheeks and look into the eyes of an answered prayer. Each child God has graced your daddy and I with, has been an answer to a specific prayer. You each were asked specifically for and he has displayed an outpouring of his love and power through each of you. Don't ever question the greatness of our God. Don't ever doubt His power and goodness not matter what circumstances you may face in your life. I pray that you love Him with every fiber of your little being and that you chase after him with reckless abandon. There is nothing like Him sweet one.
Isaiah 26:3-4
"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord is an everlasting rock."
Monday, May 28, 2012
happy anniversary
Seven years ago today, a very insecure, hard-headed and broken young lady carried all of her baggage down the isle to marry a very insecure, hard-headed and broken young man both in all sorts of bondage. Looking back at that scene I cant help but almost choke thinking of how differently things could have turned out. But God. In our hearts we loved one another as much as we were able at that time but we had absolutely no idea what we were doing. I knew that Luke was the man that I was supposed to marry. I just had no clue what the next seven years would hold. We loved one another passionately but were walking into marriage with very little bricks to build a house with. Both very ignorant as to what a gospel marriage looked like. We said I do and God began the refinement process which has been so extremely painful at times, but freeing and fulfilling like nothing else. God uncovered lies, betrayals, fears, hurts, bitterness, anger, guilts, insecurities and many, many more sins that had entangled the both of us only to leave two hearts humbly bare seeking to be reconciled and healed like only the Father can. Some of my greatest fears became my reality but God was faithful to stand us back on our feet and rock our world with the healing power and strength in his mighty hands. What Satan intended to destroy, God used to build our faith in him and love for one another. Sitting here today I can thankfully say that I love this man more than I ever thought possible. I have watched the Lord perform a miracle in his heart and He has graciously allowed me to be a part of it. I treasure that bond more today than ever.
God has used Luke to teach me so many things. How through my trust in Christ I can trust my husband. To allow my heart to be vulnerable, even though I was scared to death, because I know that's the way I am called to love him. One of the greatest things he has taught me through my marriage with Luke is how to let him love me. Sounds ridiculous, I know, but those were unfamiliar shoes to me. That goes hand in hand with being vulnerable, but I have always taken the martyr role in my important relationships. To allow someone else to see my innermost pains and fears and still love me was frightening to say the least. That was a place only Jesus saw because I have never trusted anyone else. He has blessed me with a husband who has become a safe place in this rough and painful world.
We both sit back and marvel at the work of redemption Jesus has done in each of us and in our marriage. It is incredible. In the past, I would see and hear the love stories of young couples who remained pure and seemed to have done it "right". I would find myself genuinely happy for these couples, but also feeling very condemned and guilty that we hadn't done it "right". Neither of us were pure when we were married and really had absolutely no idea why we should remain pure except that that's what we grew up hearing. We walked around for years in condemnation and guilt for our past mistakes. Until, just like the bleeding woman who was healed by touching the cloak of Jesus, I realized I had been made clean a long time ago and it was high time I forgave myself. There is no condemnation in Christ Jesus. Thank you Lord. He has shown us what the Bible actually says about sex and what it was created for, undoing years of lies we had been fed by media and society. Now, I understand that we all have a different story. I know it was not God's desire for Luke and I to make those past mistakes, but you better believe Christ died for each of them and now uses them for His glory. It may not have been the easiest road that we have walked, but we have seen first hand the magnificence of God and for that I wouldn't have it any other way! He has united us together in Him more solid and strong through the weathered storms. I stand here today looking back at that girl who married that boy.. both unrecognizable to us.. only to the glory of God. I wouldn't trade our story for anything, because after all, its not a story about us. It has Soli Deo gloria written over it with His handwriting.
Joshua Luke Richardson,
I cant say enough how thankful I am that God chose me to be your wife. Your helper. Your love for the Father and your passion for his word is the greatest gift I have as your wife. The way you love me is second. Thank you for fighting for me, for us. Thank you for loving our children and for your commitment to leading them in love to Jesus. You amaze me. Thank you for being my safe place. I love you more today than I ever thought I could and I am so incredibly excited to see what the next chapter of this story he is writing holds. I am honored to share this life with you and pray that He gives me the strength and wisdom to love you and serve you the way he has called me to. I love you forever.
Lissa Gayle
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
rest
Isaiah 26:3-4
You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock.
Our life is busier than ever before. I fight for time to rest. The chaos that fills my calendar days is nothing compared to the chaos inside my mind. When this happens I quickly find myself broken before the Lord, begging him for help. Life never stops. I am surrounded by takers and very few givers which makes it imperative that I retreat and be filled up after being poured out. That is exactly what Jesus did. He was literally surrounded by thousands of takers. Over and over we see him retreat to a quiet place to pray and be with His Father. My ministry as wife, mom, friend, gospeler, pre-k leader, community group leader, discipleship leader is nothing to what he endured during his ministry and yet over and over I find myself whining to him about being tired. His answer, "rest" (I love His heart and how simple he keeps it for this simple heart). If Jesus needed it then I certainly do! The truth is, when I neglect this I am not only hurting myself and being unfruitful but I am being disobedient. His law is perfect and I delight in it, not because I love laws but because it is from our loving Father who knows how life works best and what we need. Just when I feel like I am about to suffocate and I cant go on, He is faithful to remind this wandering heart of this truth. Rest. I will never be the woman he has called me to be until I get this. I repent from my disobedience and am committed to seeking after his heart and shutting down my mind and busyness so that I can stay in complete peace and in communion with my love. Without that, all this 'stuff' is meaningless. It's all for Him and about Him.
Sweet Lord,
May you reign on the throne of my mind today and every day. May this worker never work out of routine, but out of the fruitfulness of your spirit living inside me. May it never be out of my strength but only that power that comes from walking in you. Keep me in perfect peace, for my trust, my hope and my love is all in you. Thank you again for your mercy and faithfulness. For never giving up on me but constantly pruning, refining and molding this heart to look more like you. That is my heart's desire. No matter what fire that may bring. Refine me because I know there is no other place I will be content in. Thank you.
You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock.
Our life is busier than ever before. I fight for time to rest. The chaos that fills my calendar days is nothing compared to the chaos inside my mind. When this happens I quickly find myself broken before the Lord, begging him for help. Life never stops. I am surrounded by takers and very few givers which makes it imperative that I retreat and be filled up after being poured out. That is exactly what Jesus did. He was literally surrounded by thousands of takers. Over and over we see him retreat to a quiet place to pray and be with His Father. My ministry as wife, mom, friend, gospeler, pre-k leader, community group leader, discipleship leader is nothing to what he endured during his ministry and yet over and over I find myself whining to him about being tired. His answer, "rest" (I love His heart and how simple he keeps it for this simple heart). If Jesus needed it then I certainly do! The truth is, when I neglect this I am not only hurting myself and being unfruitful but I am being disobedient. His law is perfect and I delight in it, not because I love laws but because it is from our loving Father who knows how life works best and what we need. Just when I feel like I am about to suffocate and I cant go on, He is faithful to remind this wandering heart of this truth. Rest. I will never be the woman he has called me to be until I get this. I repent from my disobedience and am committed to seeking after his heart and shutting down my mind and busyness so that I can stay in complete peace and in communion with my love. Without that, all this 'stuff' is meaningless. It's all for Him and about Him.
Sweet Lord,
May you reign on the throne of my mind today and every day. May this worker never work out of routine, but out of the fruitfulness of your spirit living inside me. May it never be out of my strength but only that power that comes from walking in you. Keep me in perfect peace, for my trust, my hope and my love is all in you. Thank you again for your mercy and faithfulness. For never giving up on me but constantly pruning, refining and molding this heart to look more like you. That is my heart's desire. No matter what fire that may bring. Refine me because I know there is no other place I will be content in. Thank you.
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