A whore no more

I read a quote today from pastor Mark Driscoll that read "Dear Christian, next time you are at a wedding and see the groom smiling at his bride remember that God loves you like that.” It has painted a picture in my mind that I just cannot get over. I begin to think back to my wedding day and the look on my grooms face as I walked down the aisle to become his wife. I love that picture. It is burned into my memory. But honestly there has always been a dark shadow of condemnation that lurks when I reflect on that day. You see, although I wore a dress that was beautiful and white, I secretly felt like a phony. I knew what I had done in my past and I felt like everyone else in that congregation knew as well. By the worlds standards I was no whore, but by Gods standard I was, and I knew it. I did not feel worthy to wear that white gown and to this day I have carried that regret in my heart. When I would attend weddings where I knew the bride had waited, I felt a punch in my gut. "If only I knew then what I know now" I would think. My heart, filled with regret, would find comfort in my forgiveness in Christ and be genuinely happy for the new couple but I still felt as though I was less than.  I knew that I was forgiven, but still chose to wear my Scarlett letter. 

As I meditate on the heart of the Father for his bride, I am overwhelmed. I see the image of the groom, face radiating with joy and love for his approaching bride. Pan over to the bride who is dressed beautifully in white-  in comes my shame- but then the Holy Spirit reminds me of His words in

Isaiah  61:10 

I will greatly rejoice in the Lord;
    my soul shall exult in my God,
for he has clothed me with the garments of salvation;
    he has covered me with the robe of righteousness,
as a bridegroom decks himself like a priest with a beautiful headdress,
    and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.

And also 

Isaiah 1:18 

“Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord:
though your sins are like scarlet,
    they shall be as white as snow;
though they are red like crimson,
    they shall become like wool.

A whore, dirty, filthy dressed in rags, full of sin. He relentlessly sought her heart until He found her. He chose her to be His bride. Why you ask? Why would one who is perfect and pure choose such a disgusting person to be his bride? He deserves so much better. True He does and the fact that He chose her is not a testimony to anything His bride did to turn things around, or that his standards are not high, but that his love and grace is higher. He sold all that He had and paid the highest price for her beautiful white gown of perfection like none had ever been before. He cleaned her, washed her, and gave her a new name. On that final day, when she is presented to Him, there will be no dirt, no scarlet letters, just pure beauty. As she is paraded to Him, all eyes will look upon her beauty and marvel. Not at how amazing she is, but at the magnitude of mercy, grace and love of her groom. His glory will be fully displayed. 

I am that whore. Not only because of my choices previous to marriage, but because of my wicked heart that is so prone to wander off to worldly idols. My groom deserves so much better than me. But He has given me better to give to Him, in the righteousness purchased by the blood of Jesus. I am clothed in white, not because I earned it, but because He purchased it. I will walk the aisle confident in Him and proudly display the marvelous grace and love of my groom. I don't deserve this beautiful gown, but I will gladly wear it, knowing that my groom has made me beautiful and righteous through His blood and that He loves me. Not because I am great, but because He is great!