After a long day today, I sat in my tub soaking all of the aches away listening to some Chris Tomlin. The song "How can I keep from singing?" came on and the Holy Spirit reminded me of one of the many times in my life where God showed himself faithful.
I was 16 years old and was excitedly planning a month long mission trip to Peru that coming summer with Teen Mania Ministries. It was a sunny Wednesday afternoon and I had just got out of school for the day. I went to my grandparents house to hang out until it was time to go to youth group at 6:00 that night. I remember this day like it was five minutes ago. I walked through their door and said hey to my grandmommy who was standing at the sink (as she usually is). She greeted me with a soft "hello". I could tell that something wasn't right. She then asked me if I had talked to my Dad and I responded with a "no ma'am". She then said "You need to go home sweetie..". Well of course this prompted a hundred questions. I knew something bad must have happened because my family has had it's share of major issues and my Grandmother never acted like this. About that time my D-Daddy who was sitting in his chair in the den said "Come in here sugar". So I walked to the den as my grandmommy followed. D-daddy told me that I needed to sit down, that he had something to tell me. Grandmommy quickly said "Now Dan, Steve (my dad) said he wanted to tell her!" My D-daddy quickly persisted with "Now Evelyn, that ain't right to scare this youngin' and make her wait and wonder what's going on! I'm tellin' her!" (lol anyone who knows these two will chuckle in reminiscence of many conversations that went on this way). So I sat on their couch and my D-Daddy looked at me and said "Sweetie, your mamma's got cancer and they have given her 6 months to live, you need to go on home and talk to your daddy". That wasn't what I was expecting to here. "Your mother has overdosed",yes, but not this, this was not at all on my radar. So I gave hugs, told my grandparents bye and headed home.
As I drove down Barksdale Blvd., I remember crying and praying, thanking God for every day that I had with my mom and pleading for her salvation. As I approached the water tower, I remember singing with one hand on the wheel and one hand in the air. When my life took a devastating turn all I could do was worship. I remember singing to the top of my lungs of God's faithfulness through my tears and being surprised at my reaction. Being a dreamer, I had thought of what my reaction would be if I had ever received news like this and never in my dreams was it worship but at that moment that is what seemed so natural and that is what gave me strength. Declaring through my tears, "God you are good and you are faithful and I know that you have brought me through all of these other trials and you will carry me through this!". I remember being shocked at my reaction. I believe with all of my heart that this wasn't at all me. This was the Holy Spirit leading me and carrying me, showing me how to deal with devastation. He is faithful, He is good and He did carry me through those difficult months.
When I got home, my dad was sitting in his chair and was talking to my mom on the phone. This was unusual because they were divorced and not buddies to say the least. My dad handed me the phone and I heard my mother sobbing. She persisted to tell me that she had cancer and the doctors gave her six months at the most.
In my immaturity and without prayer, I cancelled my trip to Peru because I felt my mission was to spend every minute I could ministering to my mother. She is a beautiful woman but a broken one who has battled the demon in the bottle for as long as I can remember. I spent the next four months driving across town to visit her everyday after school. I would come in to find her unconscious bathed in a stench. I would rub her hair and tell her that I loved her.
After four months of this, I got a phone call from my brother. He said that mom had overdosed on pills and they took her to LSU. He said he brought her in and told them her name and that she was a cancer patient there. They had no record of her being there since 1985. Come to find out the whole thing was a lie. Of course the family was furious at her, myself included. But soon after the Lord graced me with the understanding and forgiveness for her. My mother had just lost her dad to cancer and who knows if she really believed she had it or not but I believe she was wrenched with loneliness and just wanted to see if anyone cared. I learned a lot through that season. God showed me His strength and grace and the power of worship. He also taught me that I need not make hasty decisions but pray earnestly.
Since then, I have had other devastations come my way and He has been there through every single one of them. Things that I feared the most become my reality and He held me through them all. I know that my trials are far from over but with hands raised and heart humbled I will declare God Your are good, You are faithful and You will overcome!
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