"Lord, change me... rid my heart of anything that isn't of You... reveal to me things that I need to repent from."
This is a prayer that I prayed a few weeks ago. God is faithful in answering. After a series of events and my totally uncharacteristic reactions it has become starkly evident to me that there is some anger that I have harbored in the deepest corner of my heart. I was totally unaware. I have a "suck it up" kind of mentality... I'm definitely not one to whine and have a pity party... the first person ill blame in a situation is myself which isn't always good... but because of this I have glazed over some issues instead of getting to the root of it and allowing God to heal me completely...
I have a constant hope and peace in the Holy Spirit so this anger is not something that was on the forefront of my mind.. it wasn't until God made it aware to me.. There are some wounds from my past that haven't healed... I thought they were.. but not completely... I'm not okay with that.. my utmost desire is for my heart to be an exact replica of my Saviors.. this prayer is a scary one to pray because You know He is faithful to answer! It is the Father's will to transform us! That transformation is most times very painful and humbling but most of all beautiful... I am not content where I am... I don't want some garbage hidden in my heart that isn't healed... Its not about me...
the first part of my life is best described like a violent F5 tornado that I was sucked in and whirrled around and around... until one day when He reached in... pulled me out and set my feet on a firm foundation.. and a place of peace... He has healed so much of the damage left from being in that storm... but He is still healing... I am not a finished product... I am being renewed (Philippians 3:12-14 Colossians 3:10)... I am not my own (1 corinthians 6:19-20).. my heart belongs to my Lord... I am so humbled and thankful that He looks down on me with love and isn't gonna leave me in this place... He so patiently and graciously exposes that which is hidden in the dark.. with His marvelous light (1 corinthians 4:5).. and gives beauty for ashes (Isaiah 61:3) It is by His precious hands that my soul was purchased... it is those precious hands that lifted me out of a pit... it is by those precious hands that I am being molded into something beautiful (Isaiah 64:8).. and it is those precious hands that I take hold of every day to walk through this life with... I am so thankful for this amazing love that takes my breath away at the mention of His name... this love I have for Him is a gift from Him... He sought me first and the very desire to love and know Him only comes from Him! (Romans 3:10, Ephesians 2:8-9) I know He is going to heal these wounds and deliver me from this anger... just like He has before... because that's who He is a what He does... as my soul is laid bare before Him... He pours His healing grace upon me... and makes me new. What a beautiful God! I want to encourage all believers to pray this prayer... ask God to give you a desire for His heart... chase after Him with reckless abandon forsaking all else.. it is the only way to truly be free and live! (Hebrews 11:6)
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
God is faithful!
God is faithful!!! You hear me?! GOD IS FAITHFUL! Forever and ever He is good and faithful! Over and over He displays His faithfulness to me... to us. I am so thankful to be His child!!! more to come as this story develops ;)
God is faithful!
God is faithful!!! You hear me?! GOD IS FAITHFUL! Forever and ever He is good and faithful! Over and over He displays His faithfulness to me... to us. I am so thankful to be His child!!! more to come as this story develops ;)
Thursday, January 20, 2011
no more excuses!
Have you ever wondered why the Bible doesn't talk more about Jesus's childhood? The only account the Bible gives is in Luke 2:41-52 it talks of him when he was 12 years old in the temple. He and his parents went to Jerusalem for the Feast of Passover. When it was over, His parents left to go home and Jesus stayed... Mary and Joseph traveled for a day and then realized Jesus wasn't with them... 3 days later they found him sitting in the temple with all of the teachers.. Mary asked why Jesus treated her like that and his reply was "Didn't you know I had to be in my Father's house?"
I believe this account in Luke gives us the reason there is not more mentioned of Jesus's upbringing... it doesn't matter.
Although Jesus loved his parents, He knew who His Father was... God. His upbringing, whether he had amazing parents, or terrible parents did not matter. His Father was God. Mary and Joseph were humans so you know they made mistakes as parents just like we all do. Jesus didn't grow up and hold that against them. No, it didn't matter because He knew who His Father was and that is who He followed. He didn't make excuses for bad behavior and say ... well look how I was raised... the reason I am the way I am is because of how I was raised... You may say "but He was Jesus, I'm not" Well beloved, I will tell you that if you have put your faith in Jesus Christ and have the Holy Spirit dwelling inside you... you are a NEW CREATION (2 Corinthians 5:17). You are reborn into a new family and God the Father is the head of that family! (Ephesians 1:4-6) So no matter how you grew up and how many mistakes your parents made... you have been given everything you need in the Holy Spirit to live a godly life (2 Peter 1:3).
No more excuses. Stop hiding behind the mistakes of your parents. Forgive your parents, and look to the one true Father. The Father that will never let you down... who is faithful, trustworthy and abounding in love. He can and will restore your heart. I am living proof!
I believe this account in Luke gives us the reason there is not more mentioned of Jesus's upbringing... it doesn't matter.
Although Jesus loved his parents, He knew who His Father was... God. His upbringing, whether he had amazing parents, or terrible parents did not matter. His Father was God. Mary and Joseph were humans so you know they made mistakes as parents just like we all do. Jesus didn't grow up and hold that against them. No, it didn't matter because He knew who His Father was and that is who He followed. He didn't make excuses for bad behavior and say ... well look how I was raised... the reason I am the way I am is because of how I was raised... You may say "but He was Jesus, I'm not" Well beloved, I will tell you that if you have put your faith in Jesus Christ and have the Holy Spirit dwelling inside you... you are a NEW CREATION (2 Corinthians 5:17). You are reborn into a new family and God the Father is the head of that family! (Ephesians 1:4-6) So no matter how you grew up and how many mistakes your parents made... you have been given everything you need in the Holy Spirit to live a godly life (2 Peter 1:3).
No more excuses. Stop hiding behind the mistakes of your parents. Forgive your parents, and look to the one true Father. The Father that will never let you down... who is faithful, trustworthy and abounding in love. He can and will restore your heart. I am living proof!
Friday, January 14, 2011
looking through a window- D-daddy
Last night I had a dream about my D-daddy. For those of you who don't know, he went to be with Jesus this past December. I dreamed that I saw him through a window at my grandmommies house. He looked the way he always has looked to me... like D Daddy... but his face was soft and full of grace... almost glowing... he was more slender...He locked eyes with me and smiled the biggest smile at me as I was calling for him... and then slowly he disappeared. I screamed for him to come back but he didn't.. and I wept. When I woke up I felt all of those feelings all over again... the shock of losing him... but it was also very refreshing to see his face again. Even if it was just a dream... he smiled at me.
His life on this earth taught me so much... more than I could ever write in a blog... but God has used his death even more. The day I drove frantically to get to the hospital before he passed... the whole way up there I was just praying "Lord, please just let him hold on just a few more minutes..." about 10 minutes before I got there... I was in front of Walgreen's on Youree Dr... I felt him go. I don't know how... but I broke down there in my car... just me and the Lord... I arrived at the hospital and ran up to his room.. turned the corner and saw him laying there... I have never in my life felt the feelings that I felt at that moment... there was no thinking... there was no deliberation... just raw emotion and reaction... my family was gathered around his bed ... and he was gone... my knees buckled and had it not been for my uncle I probably would have hit the floor... he was gone. For the next hour I sat on his bed looking at him and wondering what he was experiencing... wondering who he was seeing and if he had got to see Jesus yet.. because I know that is what he was so excited about... For whatever reason... the Lord didn't answer my prayer... I wasn't there when he breathed his last breath... but I trust him. I am so thankful that my D-daddy is finally where his heart has longed to be... I am also thankful that God gave me that dream... There have been numerous instances in my life that I have had dreams where I have seen things through a window and all of those things have had spiritual meaning... I consider that dream a blessing and I feel as though it was reassurance from the Lord that D Daddy is so happy... and that he loves me... i miss his so much but I rejoice with all of me that he is with Jesus.
His life on this earth taught me so much... more than I could ever write in a blog... but God has used his death even more. The day I drove frantically to get to the hospital before he passed... the whole way up there I was just praying "Lord, please just let him hold on just a few more minutes..." about 10 minutes before I got there... I was in front of Walgreen's on Youree Dr... I felt him go. I don't know how... but I broke down there in my car... just me and the Lord... I arrived at the hospital and ran up to his room.. turned the corner and saw him laying there... I have never in my life felt the feelings that I felt at that moment... there was no thinking... there was no deliberation... just raw emotion and reaction... my family was gathered around his bed ... and he was gone... my knees buckled and had it not been for my uncle I probably would have hit the floor... he was gone. For the next hour I sat on his bed looking at him and wondering what he was experiencing... wondering who he was seeing and if he had got to see Jesus yet.. because I know that is what he was so excited about... For whatever reason... the Lord didn't answer my prayer... I wasn't there when he breathed his last breath... but I trust him. I am so thankful that my D-daddy is finally where his heart has longed to be... I am also thankful that God gave me that dream... There have been numerous instances in my life that I have had dreams where I have seen things through a window and all of those things have had spiritual meaning... I consider that dream a blessing and I feel as though it was reassurance from the Lord that D Daddy is so happy... and that he loves me... i miss his so much but I rejoice with all of me that he is with Jesus.
Monday, January 10, 2011
When is the last time you were persecuted for standing for Christ?
"Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way the persecuted the prophets who were before you." Matt 5:11-12
Oh my Lord. How I love you! For what else and in who else could I rejoice when those I love speak evil against me for standing for you? Thank you for your love.
My question to you is this.. When is the last time you were persecuted for standing for Christ? How did you handle it? Did you rejoice? Share if you are led... I would love to hear your stories of triumph and hardships... we are in this together.
Oh my Lord. How I love you! For what else and in who else could I rejoice when those I love speak evil against me for standing for you? Thank you for your love.
My question to you is this.. When is the last time you were persecuted for standing for Christ? How did you handle it? Did you rejoice? Share if you are led... I would love to hear your stories of triumph and hardships... we are in this together.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Man vs. Woman
Today Luke and I were sitting on the couch together. He was playing a game of NCAA football on the PlayStation and I was feeding Halle a bottle and we were just hanging out partaking in some pretty enriching and oh-so-interesting small talk lol. I caught a glimpse of Erin Andrews on the screen and started the topic of how she is like the playgirl of sports.. (for those of you who don't know she is a reporter for ESPN knows her stuff and seems to be a sweet girl) which then leads to the topic of Satan's attack on men and women. Bottom line is this... Satan preys on the God-given attraction that men have for women with the intention of twisting it into a perverted lust declaring to all men that they cant get enough... that desire is always there.. wanting more...
He preys on woman's desire to be desired... to be loved... to be wanted... to hold the eye of her man... to feel like the only woman in the world to her man.. He is constantly lying to men telling them that they need more.. what they have isn't enough... and he lies to women by telling them they aren't enough... will never be good enough... if only I looked like her.. then maybe I could hold his attention and he wouldn't notice the other women... Here is the truth: Men if you truly want to live a godly life.. to honor God with your thoughts.. to honor your woman.. or future woman... you are gonna be attracted to women... but it is possible to take every thought captive and through much prayer and practice of self-control overcome the bondage of lust.. I am so thankful that the Lord has blessed me with a husband that is open and trusts me enough to share his struggles... don't get me wrong ladies.. the first few conversations we had about his struggles as a man were not easy for me to swallow.. especially seeing as though I was deeply insecure at the time... but through these conversations.. God used Luke's openness to heal a lot of the insecurities that I had... as well as make us stronger because instead of him fighting this battle alone.. I stand beside him in support.. and I protect him as much as I can by being careful what is on our t.v. and what catalogs i leave laying around (ahem Victoria Secret).. The first time we had this conversation as far as I can remember I didn't handle it very well ... but with more explanation God opened my eyes and I understand a lot better what goes on in the mind of a man... and I cant tell you how precious it is that my husband trusts me to share that intimate part with me... I cant tell you how overcome with gratitude I am that my husband loves God and me more than his flesh... He loves and cares about honoring us.. He will attest to the say that God has brought him to a place where he sees women as sisters.. and that is by PRAYER and taking captive many thoughts... so young men be encouraged!!! If that is something you truly want to overcome and get control of... if the Holy Spirit resides in you, you have everything you need to live a holy and godly life! 2 Tim 1:7
Now ladies... on to you... the truth is... you will never be good enough... that's right.. there is always going to be someone more beautiful... thinner... younger... better dressed.. stop trying to look like that magazine cover because it isn't going to happen.. and just so you know.. the people on the magazine cover don't even look like the magazine cover... they may as well be looking at a comic strip of wonder woman BC it is fake... your beauty needs to come from Jesus. That desire to captivate your man... well I want to share with you that you do captivate someone.. and his name is Jesus... you are God's beautiful creation and you captivate him... stop trying to fill that void by attaining some status that doesn't even exist..
I have battled insecurity for so long on my appearance... mainly weight.. it was never enough.. "If i could just lose 5 more pounds.. then maybe I would feel desirable"... 5 more would go... and nope... still feel sucky.. it wasn't until I started praying that the Lord would let me see myself through his eyes that I began to truly "feel" beautiful... and I do.. I feel beautiful.. I am a "soft and jiggly" 111 lbs... 5 foot 4 (on a good day) with a pair of saggy boobies that have definitely seen better days thanks to breast feeding.. my work out used to consist of running 5 miles every day coupled with weight training.. and now it consists of running after a precious 3 year old little boy who is bursting with life coupled with lifting a 17 pound bundle of preciousness named Halle Noelle who has me enchanted.. and I feel more beautiful than I ever have.. because I have my Lord's attention.. He completes every empty part of me.. He is all I need... He made me.. and loves me.. and beloved sister.. He sees you the same.. so quit listening to that lie... let the Lord come in and fill that void you are chasing to fill with the latest diet... He is all you need.. and there is healing in Him.. He is all that can complete you. (1 Tim 2:9-10 Proverbs 31:30)
If you are married and reading this... I would encourage you to talk to your spouse about this with caution.. everyone is at different places.. he or she may not feel comfortable talking at first.. but make sure if they do open up about it you respond gently and be encouraging!!! if you get defensive your spouse more than likely wont feel safe to talk to about it anymore.. and that is not what you want. For anyone who knows me knows that I am feisty and when I am stung by the insecurity bug my first reaction is goes like this (hand on the hip) oh uh uh hunny... i get mad.. and defensive.. not good.. please ladies take my word for it.. before you bring this up.. it would be a good idea to get "prayed up" and be prepared to hear some things that may sting a little... and Men... word of advise.. don't EVER use the word "hot" to describe anything but southern summers... spicy crawfish.. or YOUR wife... just a tip ;)
He preys on woman's desire to be desired... to be loved... to be wanted... to hold the eye of her man... to feel like the only woman in the world to her man.. He is constantly lying to men telling them that they need more.. what they have isn't enough... and he lies to women by telling them they aren't enough... will never be good enough... if only I looked like her.. then maybe I could hold his attention and he wouldn't notice the other women... Here is the truth: Men if you truly want to live a godly life.. to honor God with your thoughts.. to honor your woman.. or future woman... you are gonna be attracted to women... but it is possible to take every thought captive and through much prayer and practice of self-control overcome the bondage of lust.. I am so thankful that the Lord has blessed me with a husband that is open and trusts me enough to share his struggles... don't get me wrong ladies.. the first few conversations we had about his struggles as a man were not easy for me to swallow.. especially seeing as though I was deeply insecure at the time... but through these conversations.. God used Luke's openness to heal a lot of the insecurities that I had... as well as make us stronger because instead of him fighting this battle alone.. I stand beside him in support.. and I protect him as much as I can by being careful what is on our t.v. and what catalogs i leave laying around (ahem Victoria Secret).. The first time we had this conversation as far as I can remember I didn't handle it very well ... but with more explanation God opened my eyes and I understand a lot better what goes on in the mind of a man... and I cant tell you how precious it is that my husband trusts me to share that intimate part with me... I cant tell you how overcome with gratitude I am that my husband loves God and me more than his flesh... He loves and cares about honoring us.. He will attest to the say that God has brought him to a place where he sees women as sisters.. and that is by PRAYER and taking captive many thoughts... so young men be encouraged!!! If that is something you truly want to overcome and get control of... if the Holy Spirit resides in you, you have everything you need to live a holy and godly life! 2 Tim 1:7
Now ladies... on to you... the truth is... you will never be good enough... that's right.. there is always going to be someone more beautiful... thinner... younger... better dressed.. stop trying to look like that magazine cover because it isn't going to happen.. and just so you know.. the people on the magazine cover don't even look like the magazine cover... they may as well be looking at a comic strip of wonder woman BC it is fake... your beauty needs to come from Jesus. That desire to captivate your man... well I want to share with you that you do captivate someone.. and his name is Jesus... you are God's beautiful creation and you captivate him... stop trying to fill that void by attaining some status that doesn't even exist..
I have battled insecurity for so long on my appearance... mainly weight.. it was never enough.. "If i could just lose 5 more pounds.. then maybe I would feel desirable"... 5 more would go... and nope... still feel sucky.. it wasn't until I started praying that the Lord would let me see myself through his eyes that I began to truly "feel" beautiful... and I do.. I feel beautiful.. I am a "soft and jiggly" 111 lbs... 5 foot 4 (on a good day) with a pair of saggy boobies that have definitely seen better days thanks to breast feeding.. my work out used to consist of running 5 miles every day coupled with weight training.. and now it consists of running after a precious 3 year old little boy who is bursting with life coupled with lifting a 17 pound bundle of preciousness named Halle Noelle who has me enchanted.. and I feel more beautiful than I ever have.. because I have my Lord's attention.. He completes every empty part of me.. He is all I need... He made me.. and loves me.. and beloved sister.. He sees you the same.. so quit listening to that lie... let the Lord come in and fill that void you are chasing to fill with the latest diet... He is all you need.. and there is healing in Him.. He is all that can complete you. (1 Tim 2:9-10 Proverbs 31:30)
If you are married and reading this... I would encourage you to talk to your spouse about this with caution.. everyone is at different places.. he or she may not feel comfortable talking at first.. but make sure if they do open up about it you respond gently and be encouraging!!! if you get defensive your spouse more than likely wont feel safe to talk to about it anymore.. and that is not what you want. For anyone who knows me knows that I am feisty and when I am stung by the insecurity bug my first reaction is goes like this (hand on the hip) oh uh uh hunny... i get mad.. and defensive.. not good.. please ladies take my word for it.. before you bring this up.. it would be a good idea to get "prayed up" and be prepared to hear some things that may sting a little... and Men... word of advise.. don't EVER use the word "hot" to describe anything but southern summers... spicy crawfish.. or YOUR wife... just a tip ;)
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