2 Corinthians 4:7-10
But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies.
The "treasure" is the gospel. The term "jars of clay" was a common metaphor used in that day for human weakness. Never before have I felt and grasped my human weakness more than this moment. I praise God for that!
Since our U-haul crossed the Texas state line last year, we have experienced spiritual warfare like never before. That tells me God is up to something great and the enemy is pretty upset about it. The enemy has done his best to convince me that there is no hope, it's not worth the fight and most of all I am not loved by the Father. As I type those statements, it seems ludicrous that he would even attempt to whisper those lies, but that is the same lie he whispered to Eve in the garden. He is subtle and crafty, attacking with overwhelming emotions and "feelings" sending me into a panic wondering "What in the world is going on with me?!". But for the grace and mercy my Father! He allows me to experience these attacks, but He ALWAYS rescues! AL-WAYS! What the enemy would intend to break my faith, God uses to show the magnitude of His love for me and His relentless power in rescuing His children. He plucks my feet from the net and sets my feet on solid rock. I can feel my faith growing. I can feel my love for Jesus growing. I can feel my hope rise. My eyes to see the attacks are sharpening. I can feel this flame in my heart for the gospel growing stronger and stronger! I don't love Jesus near as much as I desire to, but I know the desire to love him more comes from him, so I will continue to ask for more and He will continue to give me more because that is His will.
Spiritual warfare can be exhausting. But believer take heart, the enemy is only allowed to go as far as the Lord allows. If the Lord is allowing you to experience opposition, it is for your good and His glory. The surpassing power belongs to him, not us. God be glorified in me, whatever that looks like!
Friday, January 10, 2014
Sunday, December 8, 2013
The Santa Solution
I have wanted to write a blog post on this topic for a long time but thankfully, by God's grace He has made me wait until now because I believe in the past, my heart wasn't completely walking in love when it came to this topic.
This time of year has always been one of my favorites. I love the smells, the music, the food, the fires, time with family, the excitement, its all just fun fun fun! However, since Luke and I have made the decision to not do Santa with our kids, there has been somewhat of a dark cloud of controversy that has found its way into our season of celebration. We have found quite a few people curious about our decision, so I will use this time to try my best to explain our hearts on the matter while driving home the greater purpose for this post.
I will start by saying that our goal as parents is to point our kids to Jesus. Period. Whether that is at Christmas, Easter or your average day at the grocery store. Our hearts as believers are overcome with excitement during this Christmas season awaiting the return of our Savior. Christmas marks the date of the first fulfilled promise and now we are eagerly awaiting the second! Our hearts are overwhelmed by the astounding love our Father has over His children that He would humble himself to the greatest degree to come suffer and save a wretched sinner like me. While we were yet sinners... Man, I can't wrap this feeble mind around such a love!! We desire to share this excitement with our kids. As they eagerly await Christmas morning, we remind them that we are eagerly awaiting a day when we will be fully restored with Jesus! Although Santa is fun for a lot of families, we just don't feel there is a void of excitement around here. We are constantly fighting for our kids attention and to add Santa is just one more distraction. Frankly, "Sorry Santa we just ain't got no room for you". We don't demonize Santa, we just don't make a big deal about him. They understand he is pretend just like frosty.
Another reason and probably the biggest is our kids trust is the utmost importance to us. We want them to know that if Mom and Dad say something, it's truth. No doubt about it. These are our little disciples and the Lord has entrusted us to shepherd their hearts. I fall so short of this call so often. It's important that they see mom and dad speaking truth no matter what and walking in a constant state of confession and repentance. We will fail often but that is more opportunity to point to Jesus. It is imperative that their little hearts have a voice in this world that they know will always speak truth to them. That's our call.
Now I'm sure by this point there are some of you giving me a virtual high-five and others are ready to de-friend me on Facebook. Out of all of the decisions Luke and I have made as Christian parents, this is the one that has caused the greatest controversy. I haven't ever told anyone that they are wrong for doing Santa, but somehow by us choosing not to that is the message it sends to a lot of others. Hear me when I say, that is not my heart. I have enough struggle on my hands in following my own convictions.
This topic has become such a huge divider in the church. This is the message I want to send through this post: Whether you choose to do Santa or not, let us strive for unity in the body above all else! Jesus' command is that we love our neighbor, how can we do that when we are walking in a state of defense? That goes for both sides! As Luke and I felt the flack for our choice, my pride made it very difficult to not get defensive, but what good does that do?! What a power we would have if we all walked humbly seeking to learn from one another instead of measuring ourselves up against one another!
Believer, there is a call to follow the conviction of the Holy Spirit in your life. Encourage your brothers and sisters in this, don't be a hindrance. This season is not about you and me. It's about the hope of the gospel. The enemy will stop at nothing to divide and distract. Let us come together in love and share the excitement of the hope we have in JESUS.
Merry Christmas :)
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
longing for home
As I sit here this afternoon and reflect of my day thus far, no doubt it has been full of struggle and attacks from the enemy. I praise my God and Father who is faithful to deliver me from my enemies! He is my Father who fights for me! Who can withstand His mighty arm?
It is so easy during the hard days to long for just a moment of solitude. We are a people who have created a demanding, hectic and fast-paced lifestyle yet long for rest. We spend thousands on vacations seeking to satisfy this longing. While vacations are good and it is absolutely a biblical command to rest, I think we often miss the worship in this longing. We look for the vacations to satisfy something that only heaven will. Ecclesiastes 3:11 says "... Also, He has set eternity in the hearts of men..." That feeling you get when you stand at the top of a mountain and look out to behold the beauty of creation, for a moment it takes your breath away and you are simply captivated by what your eyes can see, and for that moment you catch a small glimpse of His majesty. We are created to recognize and crave things that are shadows of heaven. We long to be 'home', but for the believer, this is not our home. Only a shadow. That is eternity set in your heart. We need to understand that this craving for peace, rest, complete joy and unrestricted fellowship with the Father will not be satisfied while we are in these flesh suits. To think otherwise will leave you chasing your tail. The truth is, this is not heaven. We are living in the struggle. That's why Paul tells us to "press on" to "run this race with endurance". This truth highlights the importance of God's command for us to rest (something that I often walk in disobedience to). As believers, this struggle will not end until He calls us home. We must rest first, work from that rest, and press on in endurance with the longing set in our hearts to finally be home with our Father.
We must not chase after new houses, bigger houses, new cars, different jobs, vacations, better neighborhoods, or for some no neighborhoods (ha!), relationships or anything else to satisfy what only eternity in the presence of our Father can. You will find you will just move from one struggle to the next, frustrated and unsatisfied. Delight yourself in the Lord and rest in the finished work of Christ that there will come a day when our struggle will end. But until then, beloved, press on with tenacity that your labor for the Kingdom is not in vain!
Blessings!
It is so easy during the hard days to long for just a moment of solitude. We are a people who have created a demanding, hectic and fast-paced lifestyle yet long for rest. We spend thousands on vacations seeking to satisfy this longing. While vacations are good and it is absolutely a biblical command to rest, I think we often miss the worship in this longing. We look for the vacations to satisfy something that only heaven will. Ecclesiastes 3:11 says "... Also, He has set eternity in the hearts of men..." That feeling you get when you stand at the top of a mountain and look out to behold the beauty of creation, for a moment it takes your breath away and you are simply captivated by what your eyes can see, and for that moment you catch a small glimpse of His majesty. We are created to recognize and crave things that are shadows of heaven. We long to be 'home', but for the believer, this is not our home. Only a shadow. That is eternity set in your heart. We need to understand that this craving for peace, rest, complete joy and unrestricted fellowship with the Father will not be satisfied while we are in these flesh suits. To think otherwise will leave you chasing your tail. The truth is, this is not heaven. We are living in the struggle. That's why Paul tells us to "press on" to "run this race with endurance". This truth highlights the importance of God's command for us to rest (something that I often walk in disobedience to). As believers, this struggle will not end until He calls us home. We must rest first, work from that rest, and press on in endurance with the longing set in our hearts to finally be home with our Father.
We must not chase after new houses, bigger houses, new cars, different jobs, vacations, better neighborhoods, or for some no neighborhoods (ha!), relationships or anything else to satisfy what only eternity in the presence of our Father can. You will find you will just move from one struggle to the next, frustrated and unsatisfied. Delight yourself in the Lord and rest in the finished work of Christ that there will come a day when our struggle will end. But until then, beloved, press on with tenacity that your labor for the Kingdom is not in vain!
Blessings!
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Dallas here we come!
As a little girl I asked Him to protect me- countless times and countless ways He did
As a teen I asked Him to bless me with a godly husband- His name is Luke
As a newlywed far from home I asked him to move us closer- Palestine, TX
As a newlywed I asked him to grow our marriage and walks with him- Grace Bible Church
As a young woman I asked him to bless us with a child- His name is Elijah
As time went on I asked him to bless me with a little girl- Her name is Halle
As a young wife and mother I felt led to ask him to move us back to Bossier- 549 Chinquipin Dr
I asked Him to provide us with friends and body of believers to grow and serve with- Covenant Church
I asked for another child with a happy temperment- His name is smiling Ezra :)
I asked to be able to give birth to him naturally- Aug 7, 2012 10:30 am I got to hold my little one for the first time
I felt led to ask him to bless Luke with a job that would utilize his giftings- Tech star here we come
I don't understand how God who is so holy, so infinite and so powerful could look on me, one who is so small, so unholy, so weak (without Jesus) and find favor. I cannot wrap my pea brain around it. I look back and can see His faithfulness over and over and over and over. I am so incredibly humbled, so in awe. There have been moments of pain along the way. Moments that my heart has hurt so bad it physically made me ill, but through everything one thing has always remained, I trust in the Lord my God. I know that in the joyous times He is faithful and in the dark times, He is faithful. I can look back on my life and see how he has used every bit of it for His glory. I am so humbled to even be able to be used in any way let alone this journey that he has taken me on thus far. I am so excited to see what he has planned in this next journey. It is all for Him, through Him and because of Him. Whatever happens, I pray our life constantly shouts "Thank you!" back to him. He is good! He is faithful! To this I will forever testify! Let's go.
As a teen I asked Him to bless me with a godly husband- His name is Luke
As a newlywed far from home I asked him to move us closer- Palestine, TX
As a newlywed I asked him to grow our marriage and walks with him- Grace Bible Church
As a young woman I asked him to bless us with a child- His name is Elijah
As time went on I asked him to bless me with a little girl- Her name is Halle
As a young wife and mother I felt led to ask him to move us back to Bossier- 549 Chinquipin Dr
I asked Him to provide us with friends and body of believers to grow and serve with- Covenant Church
I asked for another child with a happy temperment- His name is smiling Ezra :)
I asked to be able to give birth to him naturally- Aug 7, 2012 10:30 am I got to hold my little one for the first time
I felt led to ask him to bless Luke with a job that would utilize his giftings- Tech star here we come
I don't understand how God who is so holy, so infinite and so powerful could look on me, one who is so small, so unholy, so weak (without Jesus) and find favor. I cannot wrap my pea brain around it. I look back and can see His faithfulness over and over and over and over. I am so incredibly humbled, so in awe. There have been moments of pain along the way. Moments that my heart has hurt so bad it physically made me ill, but through everything one thing has always remained, I trust in the Lord my God. I know that in the joyous times He is faithful and in the dark times, He is faithful. I can look back on my life and see how he has used every bit of it for His glory. I am so humbled to even be able to be used in any way let alone this journey that he has taken me on thus far. I am so excited to see what he has planned in this next journey. It is all for Him, through Him and because of Him. Whatever happens, I pray our life constantly shouts "Thank you!" back to him. He is good! He is faithful! To this I will forever testify! Let's go.
2/21/2013
It's been a busy season. Good. Hard. Busy. As I sit in the floor of my bedroom in our apartment in Frisco Texas, all I can think is wow. God has blown me away! I never saw this one coming. I am so excited for Him to reveal to us why he has brought us here. There are so many things I have learned so far! My head is spinning so my writing will most probably reflect that lol.
Since we arrived here almost two weeks ago, we have been inundated with flyer's and invitations to different churches. Right off, I see we may not be in Shreveport/Bossier anymore, but we are definitely not far. There are mega churches on every corner. "An experience so comfortable, you will never want to leave", "Come discovery your destiny", "Jesus wants you to be successful and happy!" all statements from these invitations. This place is consumed with false doctrine and heretical teaching. Wolves in sheep's clothing seeking to devour the weak in spirit. Leading them straight to the slaughter. It's easy for me to be discouraged and think "how can I make a difference?"
Sometimes I think it would be easier to be in a third world country where people are so hungry for Jesus... here people are so fat with consumerism and this Jesus that is so concerned with their destiny, comfort and success. Newsflash. Jesus died a horrific death and rose again.. that was successful.. that is the standard by which He views success... dieing to ourselves and living for him! NOT this genie in a bottle gospel that says, pray hard enough.. speak and think positive enough and you will get that promotion.. that's heretical at best. The truth is that success that comes from Jesus is so much greater than any job promotion. It's joy that is unshakable even in the worst circumstances. It's hope when this world is falling apart around you. It's peace in this world of anxiety. It's the heart of the son or daughter that says "Lord, if you so will to bless me with this job promotion, let it be, but if that's not your plan, I trust you. Regardless, help me to make much of you and proclaim your gospel to a hurting and lost people. It is well with me soul".
This false doctrine has always stirred up such a holy anger in my heart. It is going to take much seeking and praying on my part in order to discern how to speak the truth in love without ranting. I am surrounded by wealth and glittering things. The pull is so strong on my flesh to give in.. there have been many moments of repentance from covetousness. God is so gracious and merciful and doesn't let me get far without gently reminding me of who I am and why I am here. It's not for me. I'm learning to walk the line of enjoying what he has given, without it taking up residence in my heart. Oh Lord, protect this adulterous heart!
We are seeking out where God wants us to by a home. We have asked Him, "Lord, do we buy something in a slum to minister there and look different than the rest of this world that is chasing the dollar or do we buy something nice and be surrounded by consumerism and a people who seem so disinterested in the real Gospel?" Friend, I will tell you plainly, to me, going to the ghetto would be the easier road of the two. Personally, I have always struggled with a heart of compassion towards the wealthy. I am so easily annoyed by pretentious people!! It drives me crazy! I had a feeling when we moved here that that was EXACTLY who God was calling me to minister to. Not only for their hearts, but also for mine. I don't want to be Jonah. Rich or poor, we all need him! I am committed to live each day on mission and love and minister to whoever he places in my path that day. To make much of Jesus. To bring attention to Him and not myself. We shall see... this is only the beginning....
Since we arrived here almost two weeks ago, we have been inundated with flyer's and invitations to different churches. Right off, I see we may not be in Shreveport/Bossier anymore, but we are definitely not far. There are mega churches on every corner. "An experience so comfortable, you will never want to leave", "Come discovery your destiny", "Jesus wants you to be successful and happy!" all statements from these invitations. This place is consumed with false doctrine and heretical teaching. Wolves in sheep's clothing seeking to devour the weak in spirit. Leading them straight to the slaughter. It's easy for me to be discouraged and think "how can I make a difference?"
Sometimes I think it would be easier to be in a third world country where people are so hungry for Jesus... here people are so fat with consumerism and this Jesus that is so concerned with their destiny, comfort and success. Newsflash. Jesus died a horrific death and rose again.. that was successful.. that is the standard by which He views success... dieing to ourselves and living for him! NOT this genie in a bottle gospel that says, pray hard enough.. speak and think positive enough and you will get that promotion.. that's heretical at best. The truth is that success that comes from Jesus is so much greater than any job promotion. It's joy that is unshakable even in the worst circumstances. It's hope when this world is falling apart around you. It's peace in this world of anxiety. It's the heart of the son or daughter that says "Lord, if you so will to bless me with this job promotion, let it be, but if that's not your plan, I trust you. Regardless, help me to make much of you and proclaim your gospel to a hurting and lost people. It is well with me soul".
This false doctrine has always stirred up such a holy anger in my heart. It is going to take much seeking and praying on my part in order to discern how to speak the truth in love without ranting. I am surrounded by wealth and glittering things. The pull is so strong on my flesh to give in.. there have been many moments of repentance from covetousness. God is so gracious and merciful and doesn't let me get far without gently reminding me of who I am and why I am here. It's not for me. I'm learning to walk the line of enjoying what he has given, without it taking up residence in my heart. Oh Lord, protect this adulterous heart!
We are seeking out where God wants us to by a home. We have asked Him, "Lord, do we buy something in a slum to minister there and look different than the rest of this world that is chasing the dollar or do we buy something nice and be surrounded by consumerism and a people who seem so disinterested in the real Gospel?" Friend, I will tell you plainly, to me, going to the ghetto would be the easier road of the two. Personally, I have always struggled with a heart of compassion towards the wealthy. I am so easily annoyed by pretentious people!! It drives me crazy! I had a feeling when we moved here that that was EXACTLY who God was calling me to minister to. Not only for their hearts, but also for mine. I don't want to be Jonah. Rich or poor, we all need him! I am committed to live each day on mission and love and minister to whoever he places in my path that day. To make much of Jesus. To bring attention to Him and not myself. We shall see... this is only the beginning....
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
who do you pledge your allegiance to?
Proverbs 16:33 The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the Lord.
Today many Americans will exercise one of the freedoms that many men have fought and died for, the right to vote in our Democracy. This is such a blessing, but along with this comes much fear, anxiety and anger for many people. What if my candidate doesn't get elected? Hatred towards the opposing party.. etc. etc. The bottom line is as believers, we are no longer citizens of this place. Our allegiance to the U.S. should never override our allegiance to God the Father. When fear and hatred start to creep in we need to turn the news off and examine our hearts as to who our allegiance is to. Scripture says that we are citizens with the saints and members of the household of God (Eph 2:19). Don't get me wrong, I'm a patriotic person, I love my country.. just not as much as my Jesus. We must understand that we are no longer a part of this world so no matter what the outcome is, our Father is in control, our KING is forever on the throne and he is well aware of what is taking place. He is sovereign over who wins this Presidency. My prayer is not "Lord, let my candidate win" but "Lord, let whatever needs to take place for your Kingdom to come to take place. Not my will but yours be done.". I do not wish to see our country perish or become a socialist country, however if that is a part of His plan in order for his Kingdom to come.. bring it on! Whether I wake in the morning with this country under new leadership, or under the same leadership (hopefully not) regardless my King is on the throne and I will walk boldly in faith and trust knowing that He has placed who HE wants in office for HIS plan to be fulfilled. Pray, vote and trust. Come Lord Jesus come!
Today many Americans will exercise one of the freedoms that many men have fought and died for, the right to vote in our Democracy. This is such a blessing, but along with this comes much fear, anxiety and anger for many people. What if my candidate doesn't get elected? Hatred towards the opposing party.. etc. etc. The bottom line is as believers, we are no longer citizens of this place. Our allegiance to the U.S. should never override our allegiance to God the Father. When fear and hatred start to creep in we need to turn the news off and examine our hearts as to who our allegiance is to. Scripture says that we are citizens with the saints and members of the household of God (Eph 2:19). Don't get me wrong, I'm a patriotic person, I love my country.. just not as much as my Jesus. We must understand that we are no longer a part of this world so no matter what the outcome is, our Father is in control, our KING is forever on the throne and he is well aware of what is taking place. He is sovereign over who wins this Presidency. My prayer is not "Lord, let my candidate win" but "Lord, let whatever needs to take place for your Kingdom to come to take place. Not my will but yours be done.". I do not wish to see our country perish or become a socialist country, however if that is a part of His plan in order for his Kingdom to come.. bring it on! Whether I wake in the morning with this country under new leadership, or under the same leadership (hopefully not) regardless my King is on the throne and I will walk boldly in faith and trust knowing that He has placed who HE wants in office for HIS plan to be fulfilled. Pray, vote and trust. Come Lord Jesus come!
Saturday, August 11, 2012
EZRA's BIRTH STORY birth plan - no plan - His plan
August 7, 2012 our little Ezra said goodbye to my womb and hello to this world. I cannot even begin to express the joy and thankfulness that I feel in my heart. This has been such a unique pregnancy and his birth was no different!
Throughout this pregnancy I had specific things that I prayed for every day. I prayed that Ezra would be perfectly healthy and strong (with no colic, acid reflux or gas problems, been there done that). That he would have a heart of peace and a heart that burned with passion for the Lord. I prayed that he would be head down and face down with no cord issues or complications of any kind. That I could deliver vaginally and without any medication. That I would recover quickly and would not rip or tear (a little TMI, I know, but it's what I prayed!). I also prayed that I would go into labor naturally and that through the natural birth experience God would receive glory. Always ending with "Not my will but yours be done". My prayers were not in such a list form but more of a daily outpouring of my heart's desire in complete submission to His will. So here is how things went...
First of all, Elijah and Halle's deliveries were both induced and both with epidurals. So let me begin by saying I'm not a hard core natural birth hippie who looks down on others if they don't choose this route. My personal belief is that it is a personal decision and no one should look down or judge someone for something so silly. When I became pregnant with Ezra, I started to have the desire to go the natural route. So I began to pray about it and asked the Lord if he willed, to give me the strength and ability to experience it. I am very analytical by nature, but especially of my own feelings and desires. I asked myself "why?". Why do I want to do this? I had many reasons why and some I shared with others as they looked at me like I had 4 heads and some I didn't but I will lay them all out now. When I had my other two epidurals, I was unaware that the medicine crossed the placenta and went to the baby. Granted this is safe, obviously, but now knowing this, I had a hard time with it. This is coming from a woman who has to lose a limb before I take a Tylenol or anything that is considered safe during pregnancy. That's just how I am. I don't like taking medicine and I don't like not being in control of my body. I also hate being poked on and hooked up like a power strip. Another reason is I was very aware that this could be my last pregnancy and after talking to other women who did it naturally, I wanted to really experience the whole thing. When I would share with others that I may do it natural, some would tell me how crazy I am, how they didn't think I could do it and made other comments like that. Although I may not be a sensitive person when it comes to other people's opinions, I am an extremely passionate person about my belief that I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength. I knew with all of me that if He placed that desire in my heart then He would give me everything I needed to do it. So in my mind I would always say "Hide and watch!". I had to be very careful though, that my desire was not to prove myself, but for God to prove Himself through me. When God knitted me together, he placed something deep within me that loves a challenge. He has given me one life and at that end I don't want it to be said of me "She always took the easy way out". As I said before, this is not for Melissa's glory but for His namesake. His power is put on display when I am faced with challenges that He gives me the courage and strength to not back down from. I know this may seem totally crazy but as I said before it is a personal conviction. Lastly, I have always heard that childbirth is one of the most painful things women can experience. My other two deliveries were cake walks. I wanted to experience that pain and then at the end, have a deeper understanding and appreciation of what kind of pain my Jesus endured for me. Because compared to what He experienced, natural childbirth is nothing. (Now for the disclaimer: I do not condone people hurting themselves intentionally in search for love and appreciation for the cross that's something only God can give. It's a unique situation and a thought I had lol)
As I said previously, one of my prayers was that I would go into labor naturally. One of the reasons for this is in case you don't know, when you get induced with pitocin you are pretty much guaranteed to get an epidural. The reason is that the contractions are so much more intense, one can hardly stand it. For this reason, I had said the whole time that if I had to be induced I would most probably be getting an epidural. Well the days rolled on and still no baby. I would sit every afternoon in my rocker begging God to please just let me go into labor. I had contractions for three weeks that were not making any progress to my cervix. I was beginning to have thoughts that maybe it wasn't the Lord's will for me to have this experience, but I knew whatever the outcome I trusted Him and trusted that He had a reason. So my due date came and went and still no baby. I was huge, moody and trying my best to be patient and trust the Lord. Finally, after praying Luke and I decided that if I had not gone into labor on my own by Tuesday August 7, then that's the day I would go in to be induced. We both felt that this was the right decision. I went to the doctor that Monday and my cervix was dilated to a 3 and I was about 50% effaced. That was great news to us because before that I was stuck at a 1cm and no effacement. We praised the Lord for that news!
We spent Monday night with Granny and Papaw before we headed to the hospital at 5:00 am the next morning. I did not get much sleep from excitement. The last thing I remember before I took my 'nap' that night was talking to the Lord and reflecting over the past 10 months of this pregnancy. How throughout all of the different situations that came up He kept my mind in perfect peace. Isaiah 26:3 says "You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. This scripture carried me through all the unusual findings on the ultrasounds and all of the what ifs that ran through my head. God is good, God is faithful and I am His.
August 7, 2012 we arrive at the hospital. The whole ride there I tried to decipher through thoughts, nerves and excitement. "How is this thing going to go down? " "Lord, please let my body respond and do what it is suppose to." Just a few of the things racing through my head. Altogether I had an overwhelming feeling of uncertainty. I am such a planner and enjoy knowing what to "expect" but I totally had no idea. I assumed I would be getting an epidural but there was still an ounce of hope that I wouldn't have to.
After two hours of paperwork and questions I get all hooked up and my pitocin starts at 7:00 am. Here we go. It's go time. Shortly after Dr. Tynes comes in and breaks my water. She informs me that the reason I would not go into labor on my own is because there was so much amniotic fluid. As she broke my water she had to guide his head down into my pelvis. Praise the Lord for that unanswered prayer otherwise Mr. Wiggle worm could very possibly flipped and been breech!
A little time passes and I can feel my contractions begin to strengthen. My nurse Janice comes in and we begin talking. I told her that I originally wanted to go all natural but since I am having to be induced I assumed I would be getting an epidural. She encourages me and tells me that I can just take it one contraction at a time and see how it goes. No pressure either way. I looked over at Luke and I said "sounds good" and from that moment on that's just what we did. My birth plan became "no plan" and I was just gonna roll with it. She then increased my pitocin a little in order to get my contractions closer together.
About an hour later, my contractions are hurting pretty good, but I am breathing and humming through them. Janice checks me and I am 6 cm dilated and 75% effaced. I was making excellent progress (glory to God!). Luke asks her "At this point in labor, how are most women responding to the pain of contractions?" She said that at this stage most women are 'very ready' for an epidural and that I was doing wonderful to be at this stage. (This is the moment he says that he knew I was going to do it) He looks at me and says "Babe, you got this. If anyone can it's you." I said "I think you may think I'm stronger than I actually am lol.." He said "No, I know you, it's your decision but I know the strength the Lord has given you and there is no doubt you can do this." I said we will just see, I'm taking it one step at a time.
The contractions became pretty painful. My precious husband placed his hand on my knee with every contraction and would breathe with me. At one point he started humming and I barely opened my eyes and told him to stop it because he was making me laugh. Regardless of how much I'm hurting that man can always make me laugh! He is too much! I could sense every bit of his excitement and anticipation but also the calmness and steadiness he had. It brought me so much comfort and peace. Another thing I would ask the Lord is if he did allow me to birth naturally, that it would bless our marriage. That it would be an amazing experience for Luke and I and something that would bring us even closer to one another and closer to the Him. With every second and every contraction, I could feel the Lord answering that prayer. As I felt the comforting hand of my sweet husband and heard the encouraging words that he would whisper to me, as he read me my scripture note cards to help keep my mind stayed on the Lord, I knew the Lord was blessing us tremendously. This is when I knew that everything I had asked, He was making a way like only He can. When we let go of our plans and just trust him with each second.
Janice comes in around 10:20 and checks me. I am now 8 cm and 80% effaced. She calls another nurse in to start prepping the room. I asked her if I was about to start pushing and she said no, she's just gonna bring in all the supplies. My dad then walks in and starts talking to us, all of the sudden I get this major pain and start moaning. I look at Janice and say "I feel like I need to poop!" She comes and checks me and says "No, you're about to have a baby!" She quickly calls Dr. Tynes and tells me to just breathe. That room went from calm to crazy in one second. Beds start breaking down, sheets start flying, stuff is beeping and I'm just saying "I need to push!" over and over. Dr. Tynes comes flying in, throws on her gown and I start pushing. Luke is holding one knee and I'm holding the other. My mind is thinking "Oh my goodness, this is happening!" I push out his head, and then proceed to say "Oh my goodness that hurt!" One more big push and my little boy is laying on my chest. I am just absolutely overwhelmed. Luke just keeps saying "You did it! He's here! " and "I cant believe that just happened!" Tears are flowing. Dr. Tynes says "No rips or tears!" I raise my hand to the sky and say "Glory to God!" "He has answered all my prayers!" and in that moment I just stop and say to everyone in the room just what all I had asked and what all God had given and I gave Him all thanks! Ezra Daniel Richardson was born August 7, 2012 at 10:45 am 7lbs 4 oz 20 inches long :)
After the birth, I was a little sore but not enough to need any Motrin or pain meds. I have felt great and am feeling better every day. Thank you Lord.
I am so thankful that the Lord has seen it fit to bless Luke and I with yet another little soul to love and shepherd. I'm so thankful for Him allowing me to see His face that day and each time I stare into the face of my husband and children. I'm thankful to experience yet another spiritual marker that taught me so much and built my faith even more. With each turn of this life, the Lord continues to blow me away. My heart longs to know Him more, to be more like Him, to love Him more, and to be used to bring Him glory. Whether it be through pain or joy. Lord, blessed be your name. To you, Oh Lord, be all glory, honor and praise.
"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you." Isaiah 26:3
Throughout this pregnancy I had specific things that I prayed for every day. I prayed that Ezra would be perfectly healthy and strong (with no colic, acid reflux or gas problems, been there done that). That he would have a heart of peace and a heart that burned with passion for the Lord. I prayed that he would be head down and face down with no cord issues or complications of any kind. That I could deliver vaginally and without any medication. That I would recover quickly and would not rip or tear (a little TMI, I know, but it's what I prayed!). I also prayed that I would go into labor naturally and that through the natural birth experience God would receive glory. Always ending with "Not my will but yours be done". My prayers were not in such a list form but more of a daily outpouring of my heart's desire in complete submission to His will. So here is how things went...
First of all, Elijah and Halle's deliveries were both induced and both with epidurals. So let me begin by saying I'm not a hard core natural birth hippie who looks down on others if they don't choose this route. My personal belief is that it is a personal decision and no one should look down or judge someone for something so silly. When I became pregnant with Ezra, I started to have the desire to go the natural route. So I began to pray about it and asked the Lord if he willed, to give me the strength and ability to experience it. I am very analytical by nature, but especially of my own feelings and desires. I asked myself "why?". Why do I want to do this? I had many reasons why and some I shared with others as they looked at me like I had 4 heads and some I didn't but I will lay them all out now. When I had my other two epidurals, I was unaware that the medicine crossed the placenta and went to the baby. Granted this is safe, obviously, but now knowing this, I had a hard time with it. This is coming from a woman who has to lose a limb before I take a Tylenol or anything that is considered safe during pregnancy. That's just how I am. I don't like taking medicine and I don't like not being in control of my body. I also hate being poked on and hooked up like a power strip. Another reason is I was very aware that this could be my last pregnancy and after talking to other women who did it naturally, I wanted to really experience the whole thing. When I would share with others that I may do it natural, some would tell me how crazy I am, how they didn't think I could do it and made other comments like that. Although I may not be a sensitive person when it comes to other people's opinions, I am an extremely passionate person about my belief that I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength. I knew with all of me that if He placed that desire in my heart then He would give me everything I needed to do it. So in my mind I would always say "Hide and watch!". I had to be very careful though, that my desire was not to prove myself, but for God to prove Himself through me. When God knitted me together, he placed something deep within me that loves a challenge. He has given me one life and at that end I don't want it to be said of me "She always took the easy way out". As I said before, this is not for Melissa's glory but for His namesake. His power is put on display when I am faced with challenges that He gives me the courage and strength to not back down from. I know this may seem totally crazy but as I said before it is a personal conviction. Lastly, I have always heard that childbirth is one of the most painful things women can experience. My other two deliveries were cake walks. I wanted to experience that pain and then at the end, have a deeper understanding and appreciation of what kind of pain my Jesus endured for me. Because compared to what He experienced, natural childbirth is nothing. (Now for the disclaimer: I do not condone people hurting themselves intentionally in search for love and appreciation for the cross that's something only God can give. It's a unique situation and a thought I had lol)
As I said previously, one of my prayers was that I would go into labor naturally. One of the reasons for this is in case you don't know, when you get induced with pitocin you are pretty much guaranteed to get an epidural. The reason is that the contractions are so much more intense, one can hardly stand it. For this reason, I had said the whole time that if I had to be induced I would most probably be getting an epidural. Well the days rolled on and still no baby. I would sit every afternoon in my rocker begging God to please just let me go into labor. I had contractions for three weeks that were not making any progress to my cervix. I was beginning to have thoughts that maybe it wasn't the Lord's will for me to have this experience, but I knew whatever the outcome I trusted Him and trusted that He had a reason. So my due date came and went and still no baby. I was huge, moody and trying my best to be patient and trust the Lord. Finally, after praying Luke and I decided that if I had not gone into labor on my own by Tuesday August 7, then that's the day I would go in to be induced. We both felt that this was the right decision. I went to the doctor that Monday and my cervix was dilated to a 3 and I was about 50% effaced. That was great news to us because before that I was stuck at a 1cm and no effacement. We praised the Lord for that news!
We spent Monday night with Granny and Papaw before we headed to the hospital at 5:00 am the next morning. I did not get much sleep from excitement. The last thing I remember before I took my 'nap' that night was talking to the Lord and reflecting over the past 10 months of this pregnancy. How throughout all of the different situations that came up He kept my mind in perfect peace. Isaiah 26:3 says "You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. This scripture carried me through all the unusual findings on the ultrasounds and all of the what ifs that ran through my head. God is good, God is faithful and I am His.
August 7, 2012 we arrive at the hospital. The whole ride there I tried to decipher through thoughts, nerves and excitement. "How is this thing going to go down? " "Lord, please let my body respond and do what it is suppose to." Just a few of the things racing through my head. Altogether I had an overwhelming feeling of uncertainty. I am such a planner and enjoy knowing what to "expect" but I totally had no idea. I assumed I would be getting an epidural but there was still an ounce of hope that I wouldn't have to.
After two hours of paperwork and questions I get all hooked up and my pitocin starts at 7:00 am. Here we go. It's go time. Shortly after Dr. Tynes comes in and breaks my water. She informs me that the reason I would not go into labor on my own is because there was so much amniotic fluid. As she broke my water she had to guide his head down into my pelvis. Praise the Lord for that unanswered prayer otherwise Mr. Wiggle worm could very possibly flipped and been breech!
A little time passes and I can feel my contractions begin to strengthen. My nurse Janice comes in and we begin talking. I told her that I originally wanted to go all natural but since I am having to be induced I assumed I would be getting an epidural. She encourages me and tells me that I can just take it one contraction at a time and see how it goes. No pressure either way. I looked over at Luke and I said "sounds good" and from that moment on that's just what we did. My birth plan became "no plan" and I was just gonna roll with it. She then increased my pitocin a little in order to get my contractions closer together.
About an hour later, my contractions are hurting pretty good, but I am breathing and humming through them. Janice checks me and I am 6 cm dilated and 75% effaced. I was making excellent progress (glory to God!). Luke asks her "At this point in labor, how are most women responding to the pain of contractions?" She said that at this stage most women are 'very ready' for an epidural and that I was doing wonderful to be at this stage. (This is the moment he says that he knew I was going to do it) He looks at me and says "Babe, you got this. If anyone can it's you." I said "I think you may think I'm stronger than I actually am lol.." He said "No, I know you, it's your decision but I know the strength the Lord has given you and there is no doubt you can do this." I said we will just see, I'm taking it one step at a time.
The contractions became pretty painful. My precious husband placed his hand on my knee with every contraction and would breathe with me. At one point he started humming and I barely opened my eyes and told him to stop it because he was making me laugh. Regardless of how much I'm hurting that man can always make me laugh! He is too much! I could sense every bit of his excitement and anticipation but also the calmness and steadiness he had. It brought me so much comfort and peace. Another thing I would ask the Lord is if he did allow me to birth naturally, that it would bless our marriage. That it would be an amazing experience for Luke and I and something that would bring us even closer to one another and closer to the Him. With every second and every contraction, I could feel the Lord answering that prayer. As I felt the comforting hand of my sweet husband and heard the encouraging words that he would whisper to me, as he read me my scripture note cards to help keep my mind stayed on the Lord, I knew the Lord was blessing us tremendously. This is when I knew that everything I had asked, He was making a way like only He can. When we let go of our plans and just trust him with each second.
Janice comes in around 10:20 and checks me. I am now 8 cm and 80% effaced. She calls another nurse in to start prepping the room. I asked her if I was about to start pushing and she said no, she's just gonna bring in all the supplies. My dad then walks in and starts talking to us, all of the sudden I get this major pain and start moaning. I look at Janice and say "I feel like I need to poop!" She comes and checks me and says "No, you're about to have a baby!" She quickly calls Dr. Tynes and tells me to just breathe. That room went from calm to crazy in one second. Beds start breaking down, sheets start flying, stuff is beeping and I'm just saying "I need to push!" over and over. Dr. Tynes comes flying in, throws on her gown and I start pushing. Luke is holding one knee and I'm holding the other. My mind is thinking "Oh my goodness, this is happening!" I push out his head, and then proceed to say "Oh my goodness that hurt!" One more big push and my little boy is laying on my chest. I am just absolutely overwhelmed. Luke just keeps saying "You did it! He's here! " and "I cant believe that just happened!" Tears are flowing. Dr. Tynes says "No rips or tears!" I raise my hand to the sky and say "Glory to God!" "He has answered all my prayers!" and in that moment I just stop and say to everyone in the room just what all I had asked and what all God had given and I gave Him all thanks! Ezra Daniel Richardson was born August 7, 2012 at 10:45 am 7lbs 4 oz 20 inches long :)
After the birth, I was a little sore but not enough to need any Motrin or pain meds. I have felt great and am feeling better every day. Thank you Lord.
I am so thankful that the Lord has seen it fit to bless Luke and I with yet another little soul to love and shepherd. I'm so thankful for Him allowing me to see His face that day and each time I stare into the face of my husband and children. I'm thankful to experience yet another spiritual marker that taught me so much and built my faith even more. With each turn of this life, the Lord continues to blow me away. My heart longs to know Him more, to be more like Him, to love Him more, and to be used to bring Him glory. Whether it be through pain or joy. Lord, blessed be your name. To you, Oh Lord, be all glory, honor and praise.
"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you." Isaiah 26:3
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)